Monday, December 31, 2007

Just a terrible observation on....Bhutto's son

Bhutto: Take Two

Just a terrible observation but surely the appointment of Bilawal Bhutto as joint leader to the democratic cause is not going to go down well with the few fundamentalist lunatics prepared to kill to stop this privilege.

Bhutto junior, to make matters worse, has made a life for himself in infidel central -the UK, the place that terrorists and suicide bombers do not rank highly on their top mondial cities.

The last thing that the pyschos want is democracy from what they may perceive as from Britain. Remember Iraq and the attempt to bring British democracy then? Was that gift received well?

He may indeed hold the key to unlocking injustice to open up equality for all in the warland but is it fair to put Benazir's son, barely yet a man, in the firing line for this sweet and timely cause?

How many Bhuttos must perish for peace?

Read more on the Bombardian's website

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Paranoia - Imperfect Prose

Terrible Tory Girl interrupts her political rants to bring her readers a paranoid poem.


Daddy never came,
for daughter lame,
her jaundiced grin,
and smoker's skin,
still left to claim.

In army stalls,
and military walls,
the child never knew,
her daddy to
bother and call.

Years that passed,
in hall and class,
with jibes of weight,
and food she ate,
and choice of eye glass.

In mirror she saw,
a hundred flaws,
a crooked nose
and drooping toes,
fit with gaping maw.

She thought she heard,
her appearance slurred,
on radio and street,
by men yet to meet,
a girl so stirred.

In vain and strife,
she cut short life,
gulping white pills,
for breath to still,
blood became rife.

With tearful plea,
mum sat by knee,
held in sad arms.
noting self harm,
as soul set free.

In death mum sighed,
she n'er lost pride.
Knelt by grave,
with one last wave,
she fell and died.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Spews on the News - December 28-9

TTG returns with actual actualities.

The Death of Democracy's leading lady

TTG would like to firstly condemn this pure act of barbarity and secondly to ask of her readers to join her in prayer - may Ms Bhutto now rest in peace, a peace that God must give in gratious abundance.

TTG may not know her Sharia from her Sherif but Benazir Bhutto was a woman of stature, conviction and sheer courage and a woman we all should admire with the upmost respect.
Her death shall be mourned across the war ridden world land but let us not forget her message, the message of democracy for all.

Read more on msn news

Guard your Grammar Guardian

On the same note and story, TTG asks her readers to clasp their hands and prayer that the Guardian may learn the ways of grammar and orthography.

Here's their blooper in full discovered on the Guardian Unlimited website.

"Bhutto's body fown home for burial"

Funny fown didn't appear in the quality tat, sort it out Rusbridger mate. Especially when you're passing off news association articles.

Bartons Behaving Badly

Yet more snoregrams from the plebrity world. Mischa Barton (believed to have been) caught doped up at the wheel and footballer of the same name, a certain Joey Barton sentenced with actual bodily harm on a Liverpool punter. Using your famed name for the greater good of humanity, eh guys?

No shit Monarch

Reuters brings us news that could frankly be of more use in bodily functions. Apparently Princie William and his fair lady, Ms Middleton, are more attirant than his older, balder, father counterpart. Camilla didn not seem to do the trick to win the people's affection - TTG does wonder why this is so.....
Read on if you have a brain the size of a gnat.

NHS - National Health for Scotland

For crying out loud, what do the Welsh have to do to be entitled to national health care?

The Tories today, rightly, have turned to their shotguns, angry that the glad of Wales is set to receive a slither of a slice of health care funding for 2010-1.

The BBC helpfully, like their usual biased self, decided to compare the abolsute atrocity with the level of health care we have in England.

Sorry to burst your biased bubble dear BBC but England, if you may not have known, is nearer to three times the size of wee Wales.

For a fairer estimate of the absolute contempt the Kremlin has for Wales, why not look a little North and see how much the Scottish sponge sucks up in health?

The figure stands at £7.8 billion for the Scot NHS board alone. Just read firm paper favourite of TTG, the Daily Express, to learn of the scathing injustice on health across the so-called United Kingdom.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Everybody, it's not Christmaassssssssssss!

Mourning the death of Christmas and the magic she brought to children across the world, there follows a news broadcast by the Terrible Tory Girl. Stay tuned.

Good God: Christmas found dead

The spirit of Christians’ most celebrated holiday has been savagely ripped apart, entrails and all, TTG can reveal.

The true meaning of Christmas was discovered in the early hours of December 25 dead as a doornail, overshadowed by the hand of commercialism.

It is widely believed that the spirit took its life following the Arch Greenpeace disciple’s climate message, appalling television and incessant reruns of buy-me-quick ads.

TTG found the spirit’s battered body after helping "Santa" deliver his gifts.

TTG was too shocked/too full of festive food/ too incensed into the monetary message (delete applicable) to comment.

A Conservative Carol

In the run-up to the opening of the last of the advent calendar doors, a revelation came sprinting to the terrible Tory – that her years of tory-related troublemaking have met their maker according to a political poll.

This year’s terrible tat came in the form of an online compass outing her as a no-good leftie better suited in the Cheka than the Commons.

Here boys and girls TTG tells the tale in her new book, A Conservative Carol (not based on the similarly named A Christmas Carol) of the crisis of faith in her chosen leader.

Blurb of the book:

Emma-Louise Stooge is a disillusioned, self-orientated ex supporter of the Conservative party.

Miss Stooge has lost her once furvent spirit for the party faction’s leader Cameron and faces a future of debauchery, treachery and employment in Labour ranks.

On one fateful night, the ghosts of parliament past, present and future, pay Miss Stooge a visit to tell her that if she doesn’t change her ways or donate x amount to the party, her contempt for the Conservative candidate will eventually lead her to batting for the left side. Featuring cameo appearances from all your favourite Tories of the past.

Here to celebrate the release of the book ‘ A Conservative Carol’ is some extracts taken from Chapters 79-90.


‘As the Conservative ghost of future led her to a box-shaped chamber, TTG saw her alter/older self, sipping costly champagne and ornating the Commerical Christ’s feet with her auburn hair.

In the back of the room, red rosettes glistened and the graffited pictures of Conservative prime ministers served on the open fire.

"But ghost of Conservative future, this can’t be true! I could never tear away my traditional roots and plant myself firmly in the enemy’s patch."

"My dear stooge, I came from humblest origins, working for my father in his corner shop…."

Stooge interrupted sharply. "I don’t see how your origins relate in my tale, do you?"

The Ghost of Future pursed and scrunched her lips to a parallel pout as she opened her handbag and peered inside.

Handing a wallet-sized card, she said: "Here dear Stooge is what becomes of the broken hearted and conviction-less. You are reduced to a membership card of the dreaded and dreary Labour party. Even the miners weren’t this difficult!"

The Ghost breathed through a sneer and added as they looked on at the scene of men and women pocketing shares of the nation’s notes.

"If you have any hope of being saved from this site of sin, you must jolly well entrust your support in our candidate Davey!"

Emma Louise stooge exhaled a sorry sigh as she turned to find the ghost of future had run off into the night.

With head and shoulders lowered in a terrible sulk, Miss Stooge returned to her bed chamber with a right notion implanted firmly in her mind…’

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Frocky Horror- A Not So Sweet Transvestite

Rocky Shocker: Mad doc Frank Furter (source:

Last night the local haunt for local homosexuals hosted its "gayest night ever" in the run-up to Yuletide.

Determined to outfancy dress her gay counterparts, TTG, the Straight and not so narrow Tory, set out in the wintry night in cult classic attire, as a "Sweet Transvestite."

In a turquoise surgeon shirt, complete with a pearl necklace, stockings, suspenders and afro curls, TTG stalked the church city's streets in an ensemble fit for Rocky Horror.

For that night only, TTG transformed into Fran N Furter, the sexual surgeon fou of the 70s, seen in teen screens and theatres alike.

An ardent fan of raiding the fancy dress cupboard, TTG pouted and hummed 'Time Warp' as she met both pals and odd looks en route to the club.

(For readers blind on the Rocky Horror Show, check out this wikipedia page.)

This home snap gives her readers faithful some idea of her (in)appropriate attire. The rest, TTG is sure can be left to their imagination.

As TTG and her masked partners, a certain Spartan soldier and a pre-transformation Superman, entered the club the trio had been tricked in their convictions that alkopoppers would follow the Girls And boYs night plans.

Slouched in jeans and sneakers, TTG for the second time this week was suspiciously overdressed or under-dressed as many punters pointed out.

Not only did TTG face a barrage of giggles at her expense, but also tickles, plays with her wig, pinches of her breast and derriere and plenty of ignorance of her alter ego.

Of all the places, TTG had expected the gay club to be a little recipient or in the know about Frank N Furter or even the definition of fancy dress.

So here, for the unoriginal unimaginative fools, here is what fancy dress entails:

fancy dress noun [U] UK "the special clothes that you wear for a party where everyone dresses as a particular type of character or thing."

One gay man approached me at the bar, sniggering at my whiter shade of pale painted face, said:"You have a lovely complexion. Peered at my stocking clad legs, he added "put it away love, it's disgusting."

Fed up with the jibes, TTG popped out to the bitter cold and stood amongst the smokers. But alas the attacks did not cease. A boyant bouncer enquired "where's the rest of your outfit, did it fall off?"

TTG's protests that Rocky Horror transexuals don't wear much else did not have much of an effect so she huddled back to the chime of cheesy tunes.
TTG's experience as a woman dressed as man dressing as a woman was not all so terrible.

She caught the eye of many a women, and the dialogue of 'you even got the right colour gloves' and 'fabulous' from the few who recognised this fancy dress feat.

To quote Wilfred Owen, "the old lie" - "Girls And boYs is canterbury's first dedicated gay and lesbian club night. It takes place every week at studio 41 in canterbury, and once a month a themed night is held."

Expenses of a Sweet Transvestite

Stockings, shoes and facepaint: Free
Wig: 8.99
Surgeon costume, using shirt as a dress 15.99
Orange spandex gloves 59p

Loss of dignity, sore feet and catching a cold while in the process of looking a complete twit: priceless

More pictures of the lady-man-lady of the night:

Fran N Furter's few groupies

TTG as a terrific transvestite

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Spews On The News - December 18-19

After a breakaway from blogging, the TTG is back traditionally festive and utterly dubious of global warming...its bloody cold!

Don’t Make Me A Muslim

The bright sparks at channel 4 unveiled this latest bit of reality rubbish last night.
Unpious plebs, including a glamour mum, took to the hijab, to prayer and to fast in their quest to ‘go East’ like those Amoy Asian takeouts with unhilarious results.
As mildly amusing as a burnt korma - TTG missed her terrible chance to sit glued to the screen while reality rats were spoonfed that Britain is such a dastardly evil, bad, bad place. Yes it is. But try to be blooming optimistic, imams.
Having spent half an hour of her woeful life blinking exasperantly at the freak show, TTG has realised with regret that Islam is not the religion for her - she's far too impure.
Still TTG is up for the arranged marriage larky - saves a lot of time better spent gorging on chocolate. TTG is quite poker-face on this venture- bachelor boys email me for further details on wedlock.
Strangely enough, Nick Griffiths was on the credits - no relation to the similarly named BNP man, Nick Griffins, surely?

The Seven Deadly Dems

Perhaps TTG is terribly naïve or dim but conservative home, has anyone really been keeping tabs on the libby lobby contest, let alone worried?
That fact remains that the Dribberals have been busy preening a carbon-free copy of the opposition party leaders in a half baked-bean bid to convince voters that they’re, er, different and er to get their fair slice of the Commons cake.
Here below is the list, lo, foretold to the Conservative people, of the seven deadly Dems. Get out those dust-laden bibles for the horror that awaits under the duty of the dashing Dribberal.
Nick Clegg
Chris Huhne
Vince Cable
Charles Kennedy
Norman Lamb
er…..TTG has run out of Lib DemsLemsip Opik is too busy with marrying his young wife to be a threat, - read the bible for the fear factor of what a Liberal government would bring to the UK.
NB: Entirely fictional but hey worth a try to scare voters into voting for the Terrible Tory's party of choice.
Keeping up with the lippy theme, Cleggover has been crowned leader and beaming Cam has rushed to his centre side asking to join the ranks of the Snories. As well as the Greenies and the Sabres. Is there anyone Cam won't attempt to appease?

The K (aye!) Factor

TTG comes bearing the gift of news to the x factor loony fans out there – Leon won because of his petite-laced partner, Miss Minogue. That and if the Mirror are to be believed, ahem, because of his status as a Scotch broth.
Besides the Cardiffan caroler Rhydian is not rushing back to the West country any time soon – ‘Cats’ maestro has picked up the bleached babe bachelor's contract. Ditch the independent ITV investigation - no one cares that much, it's just a show and an Xtremely rubbish one at that.


DVLA records lost. Oh dear what a blooming shame. On good news, the Sun have a new -gate scandal to add to their list and crappy drivers not entitled to bunny-hop Britain's roads. Fantastic. Now TTG has even more of a weighty argument to discourage parents/classmates encouraging me to learn and relearn the skills of the voiture.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Spews On the Not So New News – December 13-14

Welcome to the Not So New Spews On The News, hosted by the terrible girl herself. In today's post, TTG looks at Ken, Vince, the Darwins and Leona Lewis.

Sois sage, readers!

1) Ken – the Scandal play set

Play Mayor Mogul in this limited edition Scandal play set. Ken, a shadow of his once dashing self, is now Mayor of London, England. Join Ken on his adventures in the capital as he squanders cash, gives over tax payer’s money to his business friends and defends bendy buses.

Set includes the following:

1) Real tax payers’ money
2) Ken – fully poseable in any direction
3) Introducing Ken’s friend Lee Jasper, who helps look after/spend (delete applicable) London’s money
4) Two newts to get your breeding going
5) Gold-plated Oyster card holder
6) Bendy bus and posable cross rail pieces – BIY – build it yourself, London
7) Olympic stadium – not available until 2012
8) Pretend food and sincerity.

Find out more here.

2) Vincey

TTG’s fan song for her favourite Dribberal.

A political parody of Mickey by Toni Basil.

Aye Vincey
You’ve been around all Shell,
And now here in the house,
You’ve been through parties well
Settling for the Liberal blouse,
Why can’t you be leader,
So you can rid of Broon, Vincey?

Cause when you suggested blue,
And teased Brown about bank Rock,
Your public support grew,
We wait for your next mock
Every PMQ we look out for you

Oh Vincey you’re so witty, you don’t understand
you take the public by the heart
when you hit Mr Broon’s hind,
Oh Vincey you’re not pretty
But you’ve got a solid mind
Its MPs like you Vincey,
Oh what you say Vincey,
Say Vincey,
Don’t break our faith Vincey.

3) Bleeding Hate

Yes, TTG has joined the herd of taste-less sheep and has that wicked, sinful, perhaps even morbid tune on her T-pod and she bleeding hates it. Especially when the tune happens to pop in Miss TTG’s head in most inappropriate places, namely humming it in a coroner court.

Leona Lewis, you should be ashamed - that silver shimmery dress will do just fine. Thanks.

4) Take a (Panama) break

TTG believes we can all learn from the money-borrowers, the Darwins – the way to survival is perhaps not in your genetics but in your purse.

We have all be fooled –TTG is more than happy enough to get on the bandwagon for this monetary bonanza.

While you’re swindling cash by the handful, remember firstly, Darwin would have wanted this, secondly, it was good enough for the Hood Robin, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, er, in Panama.. and thirdly, insurance brokers make their living by grinding paupers into poverty and financial death.

TTG should fake her death more often….

PS. TTG would like to point out she is not glamorising stealing or promoting the perks of stealing from sneaky shark scoundrels. Not at all.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Erotic Spew - Ann Blunders

WARNING: Not for the prude-hearted.

Stretching the maxim of 'politicians are as to porn stars - they both screw people for money', Terrible Tory Girl is convinced that the following mockery of sultry sordid Summers is political and in the public interest.

May TTG point out that this has nothing to do whatsoever of being turned down for work. Nothing at all.

A chance click at the adult sex store left a lot to be desired, namely better PR.

In full accordance with political nonsense, TTG attempts to whip the kinky chain into shape and perhaps submission - workies please?!?

False and frankly insane advertising:

1) To promote their version of the day-trip packages you buy at Smiths, Summers quotes its strip tease class for two as "available for Guys in The Midlands and London areas only. No nudity involved!"

Despite the small point that £99 is an obnoxious price to pay for a skill that most could learn from actor antics or Girls Aloud's choreography , it seems that Ann Summers are partial to stocking clad gentlemen. TTG guesses Rocky Horror Picture Show is to blame. And no nudity? What a tease....

2) " This 28" hooked wooden cane is the perfect piece, particularly for headmasters who have to discipline errant schoolgirls. Position her over your knee and administer a sly stroke or a stinging slap.Just remember to kiss it better.”

Tut tut Ann Summers, surely you would not be encouraging headmasters to knock off with their pupils, with cane in hand to discipline vigorously? Canes are banned in these waters, much to the dismay of TTG.

3) The shop's budding dominatrix kit is pink! Perhaps TTG is cruelly mistaken but are dominatrix types really followers of the pretty girly shade?

4) Ann Summer's eye mask is not just sexy, it is so sexy it has it embellished in big diamante letters. Apparently perfect on planes - TTG hates to think what else Mile Highers plan to do to distract themselves from the hum-drum of flying in mid-air.

5) “Silence! Restrict your subject's power of speech with this quality leatherette ball gag. Sturdy yet comfortable, it adjusts to fit both men and women and makes the wearer feel exquisitely vulnerable.Combine with cuffs or mask for complete sensory deprivation.”

Gosh, do shoppers really need to be spoon-fed on the technicalities of gags? TTG is pretty sure that this is one sex accessory that does not need explanation. Ann Summers, place that gag where the sun doesn't shine.

6) Super PVC tape is here. Apparently “this roll of PVC bondage tape binds, blindfolds, restrains and gags your subject into submission.

All at the same time? Wow, incredible. That's one present off the list....

7) In further PVC fashion, Summers offers an office pencil skirt draped in the pervy material. TTG thinks somehow that it's neither practical for the wearer nor the men who happen to eye the femme fatale wearing the montrosity at work.

8) Keeping up with the Ann Summers dumb-down sex shoppers campaign, they have produced a toy, literally, pointing, where it should be used. Thanks Ann Summers, TTG was frankly lost on where that one goes.

Personally, the "Digital love Vibrator", which should give a clue by its name, is quite an apt response for most licence fee payers to the digi switchover.

9) Just in case toy lovers were confused on how to play with their accessory for their soldier, the vibro ring has a demonstrational video where the toy is filmed buzzing by its lonesome self. Hardly helpful, Summers.

10) A very Merry Christmas to all from Ann Summers:

"Deck the halls..and his tackle too! Our funny snowman pouch is the ultimate seasonal accessory (bonus points if he wears it to your mum's on Christmas Day). Just make sure you get to that carrot before Rudolph."

On second thoughts, TTG can't complain with this, not at all :P -

Monday, December 10, 2007

Spews On The News - December 10-11

Terrible Tory Girl returns to the parody after a night to not remember (clearly). *Hic*

1) Surprise, Surprise goes to Iraq

Surprise, Surprise with your host Cilla Brown, staged in the lovely Iraq. In our special continental edition, your favourite prime time TV whore, surprises the public again with a policy u-turn bonanza.

My visit to the picturesque town of Basra was kept under wraps and journalists gagged. Here public is your surprise.

Mums, sprogs and teens, your fighters won’t be back for Christmas. Surprise, surprise! But don’t fret, 2,000 will be back in time for next Yuletide at our rate.

Although they may well already be back in your arms. Ooo surprise, surprise, yet more spin.

Stay tuned for more policy surprises from your wonderfully attirant Cilla Brown where we pick three impressionable stationed troops to downplay arms shortages and the fact that I only months before refused to be identified with the Basil Fawlty war. Surprise, surprise.

2) The Phantom of Westminster

The story of Blairik, a politically deformed ex primo, who still haunts the catacombs of Westminster. Blairik was forced on to the streets after ten years of lies, deceit and treachory. Betrayed by his 12 year long companion, Gordistine, Blairik plots behind the scenes to reak his revenge.

The Chamber's new rising star, primo donno, Gordistine, sings for his Scottish supper in the similar show's top hit, The Phantom of Westminster.

Here's the song in its entirity.


In public he hanged me
In no 10, the same
no choice of own policy
ten years of disdain
And do I scheme again?
For now I find
The phantom of the Commons is Blair,
with axe to grind.


String along voters with me
with constant threat,
My power is not through,
Don’t you that forget.
And though you turned freely
let me remind
The phantom of the Commons is despaired
and I do mind


Those shown your fall from grace,
Drew back with cheer
I am your heir, Mr Blair


It's you they smear

Both: Your/my acting and your/my liesmade me/you resign
The phantom of the Commons is Blair
with axe to grind


He’s back, the phantom of the Commons?
Despair the phantom of the Commons.


In all your fantasies you always threw
That iron fist for all to see


You haven’t a clue!


And in this labrinth
Where truth is confined
The Phantom of the Commons is Blair


With axe to grind


He's Blair the Phantom of the Commons .

3) Yorkie - Not for Archbishop Sentamu

TTG has witnessed pure heroism and on BBC, of all channels. Archbishop of York, John Sentamu, ripped off his dog collar on air with Mr Marr, cutting it into pieces in protest at monster-like Mugabe.
Read more of the story on the Guardian devil’s link -,,-7139237,00.html
Do your bit for Sentamu. Donate, protest and eat Yorkies.
Take a Yorkie bar - it’s not for wimps - cut off wrapper sleeve into pieces, take the chocolate and break. Distribute to the congregation. This is his body which is shed for you for the forgiveness of cowardice, do this in remembrance of his Marr feat.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Spews On The News -Scotch Eggs Special

Terrible Tory Girl rounds up the Scottish news for this special edition of Spews on the News.

1) Scots’ Desperate Plea For Migrants

Scotland will face a bleak future of a populace of grumpy geriatrics in thirty years time if the record-low birth rate is not resolved.

A report released this week shows that our Northern neighbours have fewer babies because of concerns over money.

TTG would like to point out that she would have loved to have concocted this little piece, but it is happily the truth and nothing but.

Yes, you heard it right. The Scots want their share of our migrants to fill the - Admittedly to save them from the task ahead, plus it’s far cheaper labour.

While the news will whip first fish minister Alex Salmon into a frenzy after thwarting his plans to break off from UK, TTG has a plan for the Scotch egg brethen.

The plan:

1) Sack Scot women in high business/exec/Beeb/government jobs in England
2) Send them back to their maris in Scotland
3) Woo them with chocolate, wino and Northern Sea scampi
4) Impregnate them

Ta da! Problem solved.

2) Gerry McCann: Scot of the year

Gerry McCann, father of the missing Maddie that fronts the Express each morning, has been nominated for Scot of the year in a Scotland on Sunday poll.

The SOS poll (how apt) has been scrutinised by TTG not because of the on-off-on-off suspect but because ex Scottish football manager Alex McLeish and Gordon Brown PM were in the bidding for the online top Scot crown.

Surely out of a grand total of five million Scots, there would be a better line-up

Whatever next, Brown and McCann getting their foot in the best dad of the year contest too. Well if it’s good enough for K-Fed…

3) Lorraine Kelly EXCLUSIVE: My Mum Gave Me These Breasts

Scot GMTV star Lorraine Kelly packed up her inhibitions in her old kit bra this week as she took the plunge in a no-nonsense, seductive black little number.
Buxomed in sheer black, Kelly launched a photo exhibit at the National Portrait Gallery in Scotland, baring more than her trademark smile.

TTG can only think that she’s run out of underwear after auctioning off her bras for charity.

......................Free prescriptions, higher police wages, prettier landmarks and their own monster – good loch, the Scots have it so good.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Joseph Immigration Shocker! BBC exclusive

A mere day after Mark Pritchard complains of Christianophobia and there comes the announcement of the fee-funded futile attempts of the BBC (Blatantly Biased on Christianity) to take the utter Christ.

In the run-up of Christmas, BBC plan to sacrifice the nativity story and instead play the appeasement card, turning Joseph into a clandestine migrant and Mary as a blonde ex Brookie, ex-Nuts underwear star.

Yes, Terrible Tory Girl has heard of Elvis making a Christmas appearance from the grave but surely the wisemen at the BBC are taking the dumbing down the xmas story a tad too far in the gutter.

May the TTG point out to Auntie Beeb, Uncle Commons and their no-fun nannies that the UK, as they may not know, is predominately Christian.

TTG does understand entirely that this is a complex concept for the close-knit family to grasp but it does mean that the fat cat controllers at the beeb will face demands for their heads to be on a platter or two when news reaches the protestant proletariat.

Forget the Sudanese, chafed Christians are not a religious force to be reckoned with

Here's that story in full, taken from

"Former Brookside babe Jennifer Ellison is to star in a new BBC adaptation of the Nativity story.
The new show will be broadcast live on BBC Three on December 16th and will see Ellison playing the part of a pregnant Mary who is fighting to stop her asylum-seeker boyfriend Joseph from being deported.
Just like the BBC’s controversial take on the Easter story, ‘The Liverpool Nativity’ will also see the broadcasters team up with the north-west city as the cast wander through the streets to a soundtrack provided featuring local acts including The Zutons and The Beatles.
Commenting on the show, the channel’s controller Danny Cohen said: “This is going to be a fantastic collaboration between the BBC and the city of Liverpool. I’m delighted with the cast in place, and can’t wait to see ‘The Liverpool Nativity’ on BBC3.”

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Spews On The News - December 4/5

Terrible Tory Girl comes to the ranting ring, keen to give the smug-unhuggable Bear Blears a grilling and equally keen to put Vincie on the Lib pedestal.

Here is the terrible news for this week:

1) Pensioner Banned From Club For Fouling Farts

The Terrible Tory would like to point out that the geriatrics of the world do tend to have less control over their bowels as they would hope. Expelling gases from ones rectum is a fact of life and cannot be contained.
Devon, where’s your respect for your elders, huh?

2) Christianophobes To Get A Taste Of Their Own Myrrh

Christmas spirit has worked its way through the Terrible Tory woodwork, even despite the commercial crowds flocking the superstores by night. A new fave MP, a certain Mark Pritchard is taking up the cross, exalting it in his right hand and demanding a debate into Christianophobia today. No, it’s not phobia of Christiano, the overpriced footballer Portugan who it would seem is country blind, but of England’s religion.

The political nannies, who would rather see the Christian God go to hell (too late, Jesus already did that and what a pleasant long weekend that was), reckon us Chrits have nothing to complain about. Er, try walking in our sandals for 40 days and you may just see why we are irritated to high heaven about the festivities neutered and censored beyond recognition.
Terrible Tory Girl knows who’s on her Christmas card list this year.

3) Murderer Granted A Child By Brussels

Here is just one big reason why the Human Rights Act of 1998 should be scrapped.
A murderer has won €11,000 in costs and €5,000 in damages because the government refused to allow his former jailbird wife to use IVF for a child.
Blunkett refused his application in 2003 but the prisoner, who will be released in 2009, went to the EU courts complaining bitterly of a breach of his Human Rights.
Now the wife, who will be 51 by the time he gets out, who probably won’t be able to conceive, has been granted immediate access to IVF.
Considering how many law-abiding citizens struggle to give birth naturally and can’t afford the fancy lab treatment, Terrible Tory Girl is utterly appalled that a man who took away a life should be given so readily a life of his own.

‘An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth’ is one maxim these EU bureaucrats should serve in their Brussels’ banquets.

Only in Europe would a cold-blooded murderer be given the gift of life, a gift that is one of insult and pure mockery for the victim’s family.

A step of rehabitation too far.

PMQ Presents ‘Fat Cats’ – their first political pantomime

WARNING – Contains nuts.

It would seem that the tacky-quality street wrapped Ex Corrie stars in pantomime have had quite the impact on today’s business in PMQ.
Gone were the nappers and in were the ‘no you haven’t’, ‘oh yes I have’ jibes cross-bench.
Mr Speaker scolded one MP, telling the ‘Rt Hon to behave himself’ and both the Troffs and the Sabres felt Dr Martin’s wrath for their roars from one bench to the other.
Cue shouting, red-faced grassroots waving newspapers menacingly and the sporting of faux-pas polkadot ties with salmon shirt a la Patrick Mercer, the line-up for a panto play seemed imminent.
With only a week before gov men and women break-up for the year, here’s PMQ’s ‘Fat Cats’ for one-time only.

‘Fat Cats’ synopsis

Fat Cats tells the story of the Jekyll fat cats of Westminster, who unlike most cats, have three salaries, one paid for by the tax paying cats, one paid by deceit by the tax paying cats and one paid by dodgy arms deals.
The pantomime opens up on the PMQ yard where the government are jeering over who should be given the most praise this week and will be politically reborn.
Grizabrowno, the cat who prostituted Britain to the EU, yearns to make the nation great again but the other cats shun him after his misdeeds, bungling benefit records, dodgy donation scams and selling his country for oil.
Speaker Michael Martin listens to all the fat cats as they compete to be reborn in the press as rose-sniffing-kind politicians.
David the Theatre Cat along with Des Browneshanks, the defence cat and Grizabrowno, the cat of the night, contest for the chance to be redeemed by the media barons.
Inspired by Lloyd Webber’s musical hit ‘Cats’ ,‘Fat Cats’ is the musical based on true events including the country’s least favourite political stars.

Here’s a teaser of the musical to hit taxpayers near you before the recess begins – Des Browne sings for his supper with this new adaptation of the ‘Oakey Cokey’

‘You put your dodgy arm in, dodgy arm out, in out, in, out, shake the soldier all about, you do the jokey jokey and you turn your back around, and leave the body bag out…Speeches bent, arms bent, ha ha ha.’

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Gov Catches Terrible Tory Blue-Handed

Handy: Terrible Tory tests out ID cards with great success
A trip to selective government and all Terrible Tory got was this lousy security pass.
Just one more reason why ID cards (Inadequate Documentation) are the new NI .
(Don't confuse with Monty Python's Ni, although that's the least of what Terrible Tory Girl plans to say.)
Still recycling the Numerate Ignorant card to a poor mock-up of a wallet sized passport, politically correct enough not to discriminate by skin shade, is firm government policy and will meet their rubbish targets.