Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Budge it, Darling. We'll take over from here

It's B-day. The day where Labour are gonna tell us it's all gonna be okay, that they're gonna get their magic wand and wave away our debt with spending sprees galore as they sweep away their responsibility and care under the carpet for a rainy day or for the next government to deal with.

Whatever Alistair says today, be it taxes on bankers (are you serious, Darling?) VAT, breathing, or selling off the country's china, you can guarantee that it will not be good enough to sort out our coffers crisis. Labour got us in this mess and they sure aint the ones to get us out. I'm afraid Darling it doesn't work like that.

So expect plenty of talk about how they are going to help the young ones - more university places, more jobs, expect plenty of piffle about how their prudence won the day or about their cash sweeteners for old dears. But while you listen to Darling as he announces Labour's big ideas to fix Britain's broken economy, as he shakes his fist proudly, arches his only-thing-in-the-black-in-Labour eyebrows, just think for a moment before you get swept up in their waves of self-deluded optimism.


Labour can do the talk but as you've seen, with our country flag in tatters, our soldiers dying unnecessarily as they're sent out to war without vital bullets or protection, crime and drugs rife on our streets, young people who can barely get a job, let alone their home, Labour can't walk the walk.

There's nothing Labour can do now to help Britain even if they suddenly pulled out prosperity out of a hat - they've lost the trust and respect of the public and now it's time they passed the baton of power onto their stronger rallying partner, the Conservatives.

They've come to the end of their course - now we need a change of play.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Friends re-Unite-d: Brown to say 'I do' to civil union with Whelan

GORDON BROWN in civil union shocker with close pal, BA bloke Charlie Whelan.*

Gordon Brown plans to say 'I do' to ex confidante and crush Whelan after a star-crossed donor meeting brought them together.

The PM fell head over heels for Whelan over thirteen years ago but worried their love affair may surface, the two went their separate ways.

But fate brought the two together when Brown re-Unite-d with his first love Charlie, where their eyes met across the board room table at finance meetings . Whelan was thought to have splashed the cash for his politico lover, buying him jewellery and giving money to keep Brown and his friends happy.

Despite Brown denying his feelings just days ago as "deplorable", Brown can no longer hide his feelings for the Unite boss and plans to elope with Whelan in the next week or two.

One source said : "His heart has always been Whelan's, they have been close ever since they met 13 years ago. Brown has long admired unions, particuarly civil unions.

"The two have picked the perfect venue - his office. This is where they first met so it is very sentimental. They wagered deals and worked closely here so to say their 'I do's' there would be more than ideal."

But not everyone has taken the news well. His colleagues are worried by how close Brown is with the BA boss and his powerful influence.

However "love-sick and smitten" Brown is taking their new-found friendship in his stride.reo

See the exclusive pictures next week in the Daily Mirror

*Should probably point out that the above is strictly for the purpose of spoof rather than downright lies

Friday, March 12, 2010

Porn again Liberals

The bird truly has left the nest. The Liberal Democrats have spruced up their party with a spot of spring cleaning in time for their conference today.

Gone is their little birdie and in is porn baroness Anna Arrowsmith and a spanking new logo that wouldn't go amiss on an Aquafresh toothpaste packet.

Fresh out of ideas, eh, Lib Dummies?

*UPDATE: Seems the yellow bellies forgot a big part of their slogan when building the blocks of their British bloc. 'Fair' appears nowhere in their little party - not a single MP is from an ethnic minority- what a whitewash it is! Check out Ollie Cromwell's post on this here.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Clegg's hung like a donkey

Surprise, surprise, ole bed troubler Cleggover WILL join Labour's love-in if this dying government wears a noose come May.

Despite the little lefties not Labour's biggest fans most days, the chance to achieve their dream of power, real power, seems too good an opportunity to miss as they camp out again at Gordon's.

But by backing Brown for a hung parliament, they are simply leaving their policies at the door of No.10.

Clegg really is possibly the most indecisive leader of the liberal (little L because they are not worthy of a cap) demoprats of all time. TTG wonders how he manages to even choose what to have for breakfast each morning-he just dilly dallies about, dithering (maybe there is something in common with him and his Brown chum after all), and backtracks on policies, littering speeches with soundbites that may have worked with a heavyweight Commoner but not with mousey Clegg, a second-rate, poor man's Cameron.

Voters may moan about the Tories but at least they have someone and KNOW someone to whom to direct their ire. Can't say the same with the liberals. Name their front bench ... got a handful yet? TTG has got 3, maybe 4 and that's pushing it.

How do they expect the great depressed Britons to know? You could always rely on the one policy party to sprout crap about PR. We knew what they stood for, even it was just the one thing. But it seems with their stable 17 per cent, the Lib Dums are prepared to support the government of the day, provided of course it's Labour ... they may stretch to the Tories though - political opportunism doesn't rule that out. Perhaps Mr Invisible thinks he will finally be known in the public eye - fame by association?

While TTG should probably open up her arms to Clegg for his support should we be hung, TTG would rather strip off to her undies in Parliament Square. Our party is one of hope. We're not settling for a hung parliament - we are working towards becoming the next Government.

Vince Cable is their trump card but while TTG is sure he is a very nice man, he too can't seem to make his mind up about the economy but him and Nick can't resist a sneak dig at our plans.
Do we really want to pick up these boy-wonders from their so-called talent pool to sit with us at our table, making policy?
We already have the best in the business on our bench - why pick Almunia when you can have Fabregas?

TTG's point is that we will never surrender our policies, our beliefs and politics just for a seat in power.

Like their logo, their policies have flit, fluttered away as have their credibility as Clegg limpets on to Brown. They may have moved off the bench but they've flown right into the Labour nest.

The worrying thing is that so many, sick of Labour yet even sicker of the Tories deem the liberals as an option but it really is a wasted vote.

You're voting for a hung parliament and you're voting for another five years of Labour assisted by the policy-defunct, liberal cheerleaders prepared to support ANYONE for a shot to sit in the hot seat. We simply can't let this happen.

The choice is clear. If you want Labour in, vote Labour. If you want Labour in, vote Liberal Democrats. If you want Labour in, don't vote. End this cycle by voting Conservative.

Monday, March 01, 2010

Britain is crying for change - give her the change she needs, please, public

Public, lend me your eyes. This is my off-the-cuff speech, with no notes, to tell you why you must vote Cameron and the Conservatives.


So, for some, it wasn't David Cameron's greatest hour. Despite telling it from the heart, standing tall and firm as he reeled off the change we can come to expect if a win is on the cards, apparently it wasn't good enough. What on earth did the press and non-Tories want? Balloons, a circus, Cameron making false promises and policies such as free ice cream and jelly for all if you vote for him? Let's face it, he said what we NEEDED to hear. Yes, it's going to be tough to get Britain working again, but it's a fight worth fighting for. This is a man who is prepared to have shit slung at him (and he already has for 5 years) in the pursuit to fix our broken Britain yet we are so adamant to reject his kind plea.

Cameron has the worst job in the UK - who'd want it? He faces opposite right, left and centre (and that's just his party) and the nation it seems just want to vote for an attack on anyone who dares to offer different or say different. But we need to grasp and hold on to the different desperately.

We have no other chance, no other alternative. If you are set on putting an end to unrestricted immigration, or want a better managed NHS, or want a community that cares - what ever one thing you want to see the back or return of, the only way to do so is the Conservative way.

I know many of you don't like Cameron. You comment on his salesman smirk, his days on the Eton playing field, his Conservatism - forget this when you walk into the polling booth,

You're not voting for David Cameron, you're not even voting for the Conservative party (you're missing out, they're a great bunch), you're voting for an end of Labour rule, you're voting for change.

You won't get change voting the Liberal Democrats, or UKIP or any of the smaller parties. Whether you like it or not, the only choice we have is with the Conservatives. The only result you will get with them is either 1) another five years of Labour 2) a hung parliament

So in all, a wasted vote. Everything will stay the same and you won't get the change you want.
We need to work together this year. Public, it is your duty to give your fellow citizens the change they need. We may not want to go to the dentist to get a tooth fixed but we do so anyway for the sake of our health. You may not want a Conservative government but for the sake of our country, this is what we need.

Bite the bullet and think of Britain when you vote. She is the sole thing that matters - not about who happens to be leading the Conservative party. Even to this day, Britain hasn't been enfranchised, she hasn't got a vote and she has no say. It is down to you to let her have her say.

On G-Day, there is only one box on the ballot paper and you must, for Britain, for St.George, for and your fellow citizens, cross it.

Vote change, vote the Conservatives.

Campaign for change in this facebook group.