Spews On The News - December 10-11

Terrible Tory Girl returns to the parody after a night to not remember (clearly). *Hic*


1) Surprise, Surprise goes to Iraq

Surprise, Surprise with your host Cilla Brown, staged in the lovely Iraq. In our special continental edition, your favourite prime time TV whore, surprises the public again with a policy u-turn bonanza.

My visit to the picturesque town of Basra was kept under wraps and journalists gagged. Here public is your surprise.

Mums, sprogs and teens, your fighters won’t be back for Christmas. Surprise, surprise! But don’t fret, 2,000 will be back in time for next Yuletide at our rate.

Although they may well already be back in your arms. Ooo surprise, surprise, yet more spin.

Stay tuned for more policy surprises from your wonderfully attirant Cilla Brown where we pick three impressionable stationed troops to downplay arms shortages and the fact that I only months before refused to be identified with the Basil Fawlty war. Surprise, surprise.


http://uk.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUKL0924956420071209?sp=true




2) The Phantom of Westminster

The story of Blairik, a politically deformed ex primo, who still haunts the catacombs of Westminster. Blairik was forced on to the streets after ten years of lies, deceit and treachory. Betrayed by his 12 year long companion, Gordistine, Blairik plots behind the scenes to reak his revenge.

The Chamber's new rising star, primo donno, Gordistine, sings for his Scottish supper in the similar show's top hit, The Phantom of Westminster.

Here's the song in its entirity.


Gordistine:

In public he hanged me
In no 10, the same
no choice of own policy
ten years of disdain
And do I scheme again?
For now I find
The phantom of the Commons is Blair,
with axe to grind.

Blairik:

String along voters with me
with constant threat,
My power is not through,
Don’t you that forget.
And though you turned freely
let me remind
The phantom of the Commons is despaired
and I do mind

Gordistine:

Those shown your fall from grace,
Drew back with cheer
I am your heir, Mr Blair

Blairik:

It's you they smear

Both: Your/my acting and your/my liesmade me/you resign
The phantom of the Commons is Blair
with axe to grind

Chorus:

He’s back, the phantom of the Commons?
Despair the phantom of the Commons.

Blairik:

In all your fantasies you always threw
That iron fist for all to see

Gordistine:

You haven’t a clue!

Both:

And in this labrinth
Where truth is confined
The Phantom of the Commons is Blair

Gordistine:

With axe to grind

Gordistine:

He's Blair the Phantom of the Commons .


3) Yorkie - Not for Archbishop Sentamu

TTG has witnessed pure heroism and on BBC, of all channels. Archbishop of York, John Sentamu, ripped off his dog collar on air with Mr Marr, cutting it into pieces in protest at monster-like Mugabe.
Read more of the story on the Guardian devil’s link - http://www.guardian.co.uk/uklatest/story/0,,-7139237,00.html
Do your bit for Sentamu. Donate, protest and eat Yorkies.
Take a Yorkie bar - it’s not for wimps - cut off wrapper sleeve into pieces, take the chocolate and break. Distribute to the congregation. This is his body which is shed for you for the forgiveness of cowardice, do this in remembrance of his Marr feat.