Friday, November 30, 2007

Horn-Bee - Beehive McDonalds!

Bee Barry Afraid: Dreamworks dreams up porno role after film success

There's a difference at McDonald's you'll sex ed in Happy Meals

McDonalds, perhaps overkeen to keep their kiddy customers and uphold some form of ethics that Happy Mealers don't get with their hypo-hydro-saturated fatful burgers, are appealing for the adult vote.

This month's Happy Meals, sexed up and endorsed by Dreamworks' Bees have included an extra dose of sleaze along with their usual side order.

To follow the release of the entirely original Bee Movie, Happy Meals have included a helpful diagram for Britain's underteens to learn all about our buzzing friends.

McDonalds told youngsters on Happy Meal boxes that 'bees use their long tongues to slurp up the nectar inside the flower."

While Terrible Tory Girl is quite the fan of cold slabs of milimetre thick meat, pre-re-frozen, she reckons McDonalds should concentrate improving their little desired culinary expertises than teaching about the birds and the Bees.

Here are 7 ways how not to advertise a kid's film for a kid's meal.

1) "Join Barry in an online adventure with fun real world activites"

- how did the lawyers not even notice this language blip. At a time when the gov concentrates on harmful content facing young IT users and the concerns of paedophilia, McDo decides to run this not so gem of a phrase to take kids to the film's website. It blatantly sounds an horrific deal even without the name Barry in it.

2) "Free flower seeds with every entry* (* Rules apply)

Most would overlook this but Terrible Tory Girl has read the small print and in this case the unbearingly big innuendo. Terrible Tory Girl will leave her readers faithful to work out that sexual conundrum ;)

3) "To make a jar of honey, a bee has to visit about two million flowers!"

The Terrible Tory Girl feels unable to comment aptly on the bees' productivity (or lack of).

Does the true blue smell a hint of active support for promiscuity? She does wonder how long it would take a man to do the same job.

4) "Do the Waggle Dance. Bees waggle their bottoms in the direction of a flower to tell their friends where it is."

Complete with a picture of a bee "waggling" his backside, Terrible Tory Girl can only presume what "it" may be.

5) "Plant your flower seeds to help keep the bees buzzing!"

That's right boys, take note!

6) "Bees use their long tongues to slurp up the nectar inside the flower and store it in their 'Honey Tummy'. They stuff pollen into special 'baskets' attached to their legs." -

After the lovely sneak peek earlier in this piece, here's the rest of that superb explanation of pollination.

7) "Pollen Jocks"

Of all the names the Yanks could come up with for the flying bee squad characters, they opted for Pollen Jocks, a name that can so easily be changed to some similar sounding obscenity. Oh poppycock.

Terrible Tory Girl is off to regain her sanity and to stifle her giggles. Turrah for now.

(Terrible Tory Girl would like to point out that she took the pic from the movie's live site with the PrtSc button - does that count, Mr Lawyers?)
(Also could someone be so kind to explain what that long slender brown object by the bee's right side is?)

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Virgino Rocher

Indulge in succulent bank bites, wrapped in gold notes and lovingly endorsed by Branson.

This is not just a PR Stunt, Virgino Rocher is a cash-throwing-in-all directions PR stunt.

Give in to the Rock, taste the debt on the tip of your tongue. Embrace the exclusivity of paper monetary and fellate Virgino Rocher's bureaucrat bankers.

Small print:
Terms and Conditions: Virgino Rocher is a copyright brand belonging to Virgin Media PLC. *Rocher = rock (French)

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Spews On The News - November 27-28

Terrible Tory Girl is far too busy tearing her hair out theoretically and drooling sarcasm to rant. Here are the stories that have hit the newsstands.

1) Steady Teddy!

Terrible Tory Girl does wonder about these Sharians. Whipping for naming a teddy after the prophet? Surely He who cannot be named here would either be quite content that his followers slavishly aspire to follow his ways to a tee, even to his name.

(Objects like blogs aren't allowed to be named after the prophet - Tory Girl was hoping to have her blog go to heaven and take advantage of 72 blog virgins)

Religious men and women are but objects of faith, so surely the parents who chose to take their devotion that much further must face lashes too? That whip will be put to regular use in the UK alone - His name (and its 12 English variants) is the second most popular name for baby boys.

Just a thought.

Now where's that whip? Terrible Tory Girl is due for a lashing...

P.S. Out of interest, is this offensive?

2) BNP riots

Terrible Tory Girl would like to point out the irony of the freedom of speech debate by the very two men, Irving and Griffin, forbade to freely speak about freedom of speech.

Freedom of speech at the Oxford event was postponed by socialist adversaries using their freedom of speech to attack the two men refused the freedom to speak about freedom of speech.

Meanwhile a BBC broadcast featured the protesters freely speaking against the debate but did not freely speak about the supporters of the freedom of speech debate who weren't allowed to freely speak about the freedom of speech debate.

Phew....that was too much freedom of speech to handle

3) Dragons Plan To Slay Jack

Terrible Tory Girl is not too devastated by Jack's sacking but does wonder whether the honey-union period ever happened. Why did they not put Wales' pet dragon in the flag, two hundred years earlier?

Perhaps in the draw-up they could cut out the blue stripes and include the green ones, the Sun proposed today, instead. It's a matter of time before Salmon reels out a civil war and we don't want to have 'braveheart' like colours ordaning our flag.

Another concern is that the government may be responsible for its design. We don't want another fellatio-looking creation nor in this case a Welshman fellated by a fellow sheep.

But designs aside, what would be the point to spill our gold on a piece of fabric? Terrible Tory Girl notes that the flag is hardly ever used unless in some PR stunt by Broon and she'd quite prefer Georgie to take his place in her parlour.

4) RDMA - Recommended Daily Mutant Food Allowance

Terrible Tory Girl urges the government to make up its mind over its health policy. The latest propaganda is that GM food is good for you. Terrible Tory Girl wonders if Sainsbury's is handing them Gross Monetary to promote the crop known to stalk the aisles of the store.,,2217712,00.html

Twas all folks. The Terrible Tory is off to entice herself with demi-caffeinated coffee.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Five Labour Gucks....A modern classic

Terrible Tory Girl looks back at the past few months of the Broon dictatorship (er premiership?) with a dime of a rhyme for her devoted readers.

The Terrible Tory updates the school song sensation, Five Little Ducks.

Five Labour Gucks

Five Labour gucks* went pick pocketing one day,
Out to the Tory bench to steal their say,
Dictator guck shrieked back back back,
And four Labour gucks still weren’t sacked.

Four Labour gucks went photo-shopping one day,
Forgetting to turn up to a photo-op day,
Dictator guck shrieked what computer knack knack knack
And three Labour gucks still weren’t sacked

Three Labour gucks went posting benefits one day,
Losing half the country’s details and ending up on ebay,
Dictator guck shrieked, get my faithful hacks** hacks hacks,
And two data disks still didn’t come back.

Two Labour gucks went Northern rocking one day,
Handing over public cash to settle bank’s pay,
Dictator guck shrieked where’s my financial snack snack snack,
And one Labour guck still wasn’t sacked.

One Labour guck went immigrating one day,
Covering up numbers of shady criminals who stay,
Dictator guck shrieked, come here faithful claque*** claque claque
And all five Labour gucks came crawling right back.

*guck = slimy substance

** hacks = journalists

***claque = applauding crowd

Sunday, November 18, 2007

(Terrible Tory) Girl On Film

Blue and through, Miss Terrible Tory with her non-partisan but splendid sidekick SuperSanz, star in this week's webcameron.

Laugh and weep as Terrible Tory tries to pull off a joke on air with disastrous results. WARNING: The following clip contains scenes of an unfunny and humiliating nature. Watch with caution.

Stay tuned on

Taking the Piss-tory - Uses For A History Degree

With the soft degree options decried in the public arena for their total lack of relevance in the workplace, Terrible Tory Girl, in historian guise, argues why a history degree is not much better.

Here are the uses of a history degree.

NB - Terrible Tory Girl would like to point out that she herself is a history UG and would appreciate not being a target of a bitch-hunt. Thanks, in advance.

In an emergency

Victim: “Help, anybody?”
Essayist: “Don’t worry you are in safe hands, see, I write essays and I can write one about this incident.”
Victim: “But, but I will probably be dead by then.
Essayist: “Even better, gives us historians the chance to write ridiculous theories without the person in question being able to lift their hand in protest. We sure do love the dead. “
Victim: “Look, can’t you put me in the recovery position, CPR, ring ambulance?”
Essayist: “Why would I need those skills when I have the ability to write celebrational essays. That’s got me thinking, why don’t I write an essay on the origins of essays."

Victim flatlines.

In building a house

Builder: “Right, here’s be having yet. What can you do?”
Essayist: “I can write essays. Give me five hours, a computer, ten hefty volumes and I can pinpoint and argue when building began. Whether the Eygptians or the Romans were the real architectural entrepreneurs.”
Builder: “You Egypt-what? I was wanting to use mortar, cement, that larky. I don’t fink paper is gonna do trick."
Essayist: “But don’t you see, how utile the skill of writing pages and pages of incomprehensible nonsense about the past, is to daily life?”
Builder: “Well all I know that it don’t make houses.”
Essayist: “Who needs homes when you have essays?”
Builder: “Er I fink you’ve lost the plot, mate. How’s about you get in that foundation pit, like, and write your sodding essay while I get to work building this bleeding house.”
Essayist :(protests) “But, but, but, isn’t there where the cement’s going, according to Evans…(splutters as cement pours in his gaping mouth)”
Builder: “That shut him up. Now I can get back to work in peace.”

In putting children to bed

Daughter: “Can you tell me the story about the princess, pretty please?”
Essayist: “Well, I have something even better than that. I can tell you all about the lives of Russia’s princesses. Wouldn’t you like that, darling? And Anastasia, also known commonly as the Grand Duchess of Russia, has varying translations of her name into English from the Russian. Some contemporaries insist that her name meant, “ she will rise again.” Others argue that it means, “prison opener”…
Essayist: (after five minutes more historically dull drivel)“Darling?”

Daughter is fast asleep.

Essayist: (mutters to herself)“Impertinent child, these tales are of more interest than those poxy fairy fables.”

In an office job

Editor: “So could you file these papers under the sub section labelled enquiries and put them in alphabetical order, pronto?”
Essayist: “Wouldn’t you rather I write a piece on how arrangement of paperwork has become more prevalent in the 21st century with the increased role of paper in our day-to-day lives?”
Editor: “No. Just sort out that pile, will you?”
Essayist: (Grumbles) “How do I do that again?”
Editor: “Sigh these bloody history graduates. Useful for nothing. That’s the last time I employ someone with a silly title like PHD in 20th century history.”

In catering

Chef: “Make me up some saute potatoes, toss some lean beef steaks onto the hot plate. What the hell do you think you’re doing? This is a kitchen – we don’t have text books or pens. We have dozens of punters out there. Put down that book and get on to the cooking. We have 20 customers out there still to be fed. What, what are you writing now?”
Essayist: (excitedly)” I am a history grad and I can tell you when saute potatoes were first widely used and mentioned in literature.”
Chef: (bewildered) “Surprisingly, I think they want some food, not some food for thought. Get on with the cooking or it will be your head I serve on their platter along with your food thesis. “(roars and seizes essayist by throat)
Essayist: “ I (cough) can (splutters) also tell you at great length (nurses neck) about Lenin’s diet, if you like.”

Whack! Punch! Crack!
Essayist is sprawled on the floor.

In love-making:

Lover: “Talk dirty to me baby.”
Essayist: “Oh darling, copulate me. Immissiso penis – which translates from the latin for intromission which I’d quite fancy you to do to. The essayist, Alex Comfort, puts forward a strong case for why homo sapiens revel in fornication. He lists these as…..” 1
Lover: (interrupts) “Baby, forget the history books.”

Essayist continues to cite scholars for the recreational value of intercourse.

Lover: “Copulate this.” (Swears and leaves the room)

Citations: 1

Well done, smart arse, you are truly qualified for the real world. See those three years poring at dusty hardbacks in the library did not go to waste at all.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The Dupe Dupe Song (It's In His Name)

Terrible Tory Girl is back from her apathetic pause to bring a special song written with love for Sir Ian Blair.

The Terrible Tory's piece, inspired by Cher, to send the Met Commissioner on his way.

The Dupe Song: (It's In His Name)

Can I trust him I want to know,
How can I tell if he’s meant to go,
(it’s in his lies)
Oh no look up his sleeve
(it’s in his lies)
Oh no he won’t stop to thieve
If you wanna know if he’s meant to go, it’s in his name,
(That’s where he’s shamed)

Is it in HQ base,
Oh no, they’re in the grip of his palm
In the Menezes disgrace
Oh no, that’s just his smarm
If you wanna know if you can trust him so, it’s in his name,
(That’s where he’s shamed)

No, no oh, snub him,
Lug him outta sight,
To find out whether he should go.
If it’s trust, or his ability, it’s there in his name,
No, no, it’s in his shame.

How about his changing the facts,
Oh no, that was an intended slay
That Brazil nut shouldn’t have crossed his way
If you wanna know if he’s gotta go, it’s in his name.
That’s where he’s shamed.

No, No, No, review him,
Check his wite,
Empty his pockets for stolen dough,
If it’s trust or really blame, it’s there in his name.

(How about his changing the facts),
Oh no, that was an intended slay
That Brazil nut shouldn’t have crossed his way
If you wanna know if he’s gotta go, it’s in his name.
That’s where he’s shamed.
Oh it’s in his name,
(That’s where he’s shamed)
He’s just the same
(That’s where he’s shamed)
with his namesake’s shame
(That’s where he’s shamed)
With notorious fame
(That’s where he’s shamed)
Go, it’s in his name,
Go, it’s in his name,
Oh it’s in his name.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Spews On The News - November 13/14 -Apathetical Special

Spews On The News – November 13/14

Obsessive Self-Importance Disorder (OSID)

Please bidding and incumbent PMs, could you stop dropping those awful presidentialisms in your speeches! Does’ primes ab ores’ mean anything to you? Yes, I am talking to you Broon. You are the representative of the cabinet, first among equals. Or is there something you are not sharing, eh? Use ‘we’ rather than ‘I’ in speeches on foreign policy or the like.
It’s neither big nor clever to follow in the unprecarious footsteps of the Yanks.

Jon Taunts Muhammad Bari For Controversial Jew Jibes

Terrible Tory Girl is taking a brief pause from her apathetical set of views to salute Sun columnist Jon Gaunt.
The Terrible Tory is quite the fan of no-bars journalism particularly on the Muslim leader, Muhammad Bari, who, hours before Remembrance Day, audaciously claimed Muslims in this country are treated akin to the Jews in the Nazi years.
My boy, Bari, if you bothered to turn on the history channel and see the criminal carnage caused by Hitler’s own hands, you may just spot that the followers of Islam have not yet been gassed or persecuted by a vicious regime intent on wiping God’s chosen people off the map.
Verify your facts before you unleash such obscenities into the public eye of a country who has made you welcome. Be grateful for what you are given and may Allah purge such despicable quips from your mind in future.

Send In The Bears

Dom Joly, if you’re listening, I’d like to stand as a Miss Bushy Bear in the Teddy Bear Alliance. You are one of the few parties, us suffragettes, can take seriously with the joker packs with which we are faced.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Spews On The News 10/11

Terrible Tory Girl is b-b-bitter to the bone. Not only has the Rocking Batman called off sick with a cyst, the size of one of his belter chartbusters but the media biz' whizzes of this world find it highly necessary to incinerate my few and far between brain cells by my writing of a 'reflective journal.'

And there was Terrible Tory Girl, under the impression, that she was enrolled in journalism, not a cheap knock-off of the real deal.

The con is on at Shitty, apparement.

On to the news.....

(Apologies in advance for inappropriate, ire-induced rhetoric roar but abstinence proves futile.)

1) Poppy Goes The Weasel -

Poppies have found themselves pinned to the printing press this week, with typical tales of tin thiefs both here and across the Atlantic in Canada and McCrae's flower icon pasted on the pages.
But to the further delight of the Terrible Tory Girl, the PC loonies haven't come out to play. Pins to pin the popular poppies on lapels have not been banned on grounds of 'elf and safety (as Littlejohn would say) and presenters and public eye personnel have been spared the 'bias' lecture.

Tomorrow, Liverpool will be alit with poppies. A veteran WW2 bomber will drop 300,000 poppy petals onto the crowds as they remember our war heroes.

Hardly news to placate the politically correct.

One anti-poppy protester, who refused to be identified said:*

"This is absolutely ludicrous! Those falling poppies are an accident waiting to happen. Those paper petals could fall into the path of an onlooker's eye and/or in the event of a brewing storm, could drive into the sides of a member of public and cause a pretty nasty case of papercuts. And from a papercut, comes reasonable grounds to sue."

He/she/it added: " And where's our green credentials in all of this pro-war business? Think of the carnage to our streets, littered with red paper, which incidentally, is discriminatory against the rest of the rainbow's colours. With the disposal costs, running into the thousands, we ought not even bother celebrate it at all. Why not an all-colour celebration day instead? Far cleaner, far wimpier and far more to the nature of the absurd activist weasals. Another good job done. "

* Not a real person but quite an accurate view point held by many of Britain's barmy absurd activists.

2) Fly Me To The Huhne

As the Dribberals heat up to axe their Cable to play pick a mix between Nick Clegg and Chris Huhne, Terrible Tory Girl has uncovered that the third way is not all it seems.

The Liberal Democrats, the party of rebel votes, the party shunned by BBC broadcasts, the party trailing behind at 12 per cent, do not offer anything new to the politician eat politican world.

The terrible two candidates, who shall go head to head for the frankly forgotten party crown, have been identified as Menziestein's monsters.

The two who have spent their early lifes skulking in newspaper offices were made in the image of the big political rivals, Gordon Brown and David Cameron before Ming died politically.

Chris Huhne, with a name to match Broon, is an uncanny match to the PM. A former member of the Labour party, the 53-year old, Huhne, like Brown, has a history of economic interest, working for the Independent and Guardian on their finance pages and for proposals for income and green taxes. He too, while as an MEP, has been accused of swindling cash. Chris Huhne, a mere three years younger than his Labour counterpart, is strangely similiar in appearance too.

Huhne, in an interview with epolitix journalists, said he admired Brown's decision to go ahead with the independence of the Bank of England and didn't rule out a spot of party coalition.

"If other parties want to talk about partnership politics, about going into a longer term relationship, then they have to be on the wavelength that allows that to happen.
If you look at every other country in Europe bar none you find that you do have partnership politics because of election systems that are fairer, where every vote counts."

On the same difference scale, Terrible Tory Girl gives Huhne 7/10

Next up of Menzies' Monsters is Nick Clegg, another young hack and political newbie, with election to Commons only two years earlier. Media mogul, dashing and a former adviser to Conservative commissioner Lord Brittan in Brussells, Clegg is considered to be on the right of the party and has already had stark comparisons with the Tory leader, Cameron.
Like Cameron, he abhors ID cards and has distant connections with royalty - for Clegg, it's in imperial Russia.

Clegg told epolitix, in the tongue of Cameron:

"It requires the ability to speak like a human being not a Westminster politician, reach out to voters by starting where people are rather than where we want them to be or think they might be...Frankly, to start playing Westminster footsie with one party or another now is something the electorate would not like and I'm not going to do it."

Clegg gets an 8/10 and the public get yet again less choice in mainstream politics.

3) Queenie, the musical

As the 11 little Labour ducks go dimming in one Queen's Speech, Queenie breaks out in her name counterpart rockfit's verse.

Members, one just reeled a lie,
Put forth this sorry speech,
Lulled ones’ voters to political preach.
Members, one said there’d be homes
But now one’s conscience comes to play.

Members, consuls…

One didn’t want quotas for co2...
If one’s not back from Uganda tomorrow,
Bury one, bury one and rule as if the public do not matter .

Too late, the laws are passed,
teens will have to stay at school
high pensions fitted by you all
goodbye, public freedoms, they have to go
To drive away the bombers and nuclear.
Members, consuls.
One doesn’t want them too
One sometimes wishes we’d never met the EU at all

Next year's song of choice?

'One wants to break politically'

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Spews On The News -November 3/4

Welcome to today's Spews On the News with Terrible Tory Girl, who joins the broadcast a little Meat obsessed.

1) Meat: Back From Hell - (Apologies for the terrible song puns)

Like a top singer, he comes crawling on back to view. Meat Loaf, who can count his decades of service to the world of rock n' roll on his hand, has starred in a who-dunnit mystery this week after he announced his retirement in-gig, thanked his fans and like a Bat Out Of Hell was gone, gone, gone.
His promoters quickly dismissed the outbursts saying an encore would still be on the cards for fans in next touring spot, Birmingham. With that cancelled, days later, the future wasn't what it used to be for the all-American chanteur.
But the Loaf did not take this lying down. Despite doctors diagnosing exhaustion and Laryngitis, the singer has refused to postpone the next leg of his tour.
Meatie is Alive and ready to Seize the Night at Wembley, November 6, and Terrible Tory Girl will be there to root him on, at last!

2) Alex Salmon And His Fishy Independence Tales
Terrible Tory Girl has the Sunday Express' David Parsley to thank for today's Scot story.
In a bid to educate us on West Lothian Question (funnily enough, Mr Salmon was born and breaded in West Lothian) where Scots have superiority in all things politics, Mr Parsley tells us,“Let’s back their independence so we needn’t subsidise them."
To make his case, Parsley has lent his green hands and wallet to the SNP, donating one pound a month to help First Salmon achieve his aims of slicing the Highlands apart from England.
Here is a peek at Salmon's reasons to swim out of the union: (Taken from
"The 300-year old Union is no longer fit for purpose. It was never designed for the 21st century world. It is well past its sell by date and is holding Scotland back. The SNP believe Scotland and England should be equal nations – friends and partners - both free to make our own choices. Scotland can be more successful."
Holding Scotland back? Well I never! Just a read of Parsley's piece shows how the Scots have more in public spending than the English, how Westminster hands over £11 billion to support the country and the 59 Celtic MPs in office have more powers than the rest of the 529 in the house.
Good luck to fishy Salmon, who is deluded in believing Scotland could possible survive if deported from the nation. But deluded further is Parsley ,who not only is fitting the bills for the Scots to have a better quality of life with his £12 a year, but too reckons that Salmon could make this work.
Gordon Broon and his frownies may not be fit to lead politics but they are surely not stupid enough to see Salmon's independence plans make it past the recycling bin stage.
Terrible Tory Girls urges the public to sit and think why the Scots so readily jump ship to England. It's not for England's greenery, that's for sure!
The one sphere where Parsley and Salmon do not see eye to eye.

Out & Devout - News titbits from Canterbury

1) Mrs T Attacked By Charity Shop Boss

Canterbury's Red Cross shop lived up to its name yesterday as Terrible Tory Girl hit the high street.
An ill-advised trip to the charity shop resulted in the discovery of former prime minister, Margaret Thatcher's memoirs, marked at £3 for the hefty volume.
Buying the book proved to be a challenge as Terrible Tory Girl was £1 short. The British Cross did not accept card payment as there is a policy of £5 minimum.
After several seconds of pleas to Terrible Tory Girl's sister, Terrible Tory Girl reentered the shop with £5 cash.
The shop assistant immediately started cashing up the till, telling Terrible Tory Girl had to wait to make the purchase.
Ten minutes later, Terrible Tory Girl paid for the book and left the shop, empty handed of apologies.
All that for a Margaret Thatcher book. Sigh, what would Mrs T say?

2) City Readers Accuse MP of Elitism

Canterbury MP, Julian Brazier, who has made headlines after lending his support to save cricketer Hartley Alleyne from deportation, was accused of 'elitism' by city readers.
Readers wrote to the Canterbury's free-sheet, the Adscene, suggesting that the MP has only helped the former cricket coach because of his connection at the city's prestigious public school, St. Edmund's.
Brazier, whose two sons attend the school, however, has put his neck on the line for many of the city's citizens regardless of race, creed or social background.
Brazier's decision to take on Alleyne's case is just one example since Alleyne is Bajan and had an international career for 30 years before he worked at the school.
Terrible Tory Girl too is further evidence as Brazier fought to help her brother in the face of police misconduct.
Readers, leave that MP alone!

That's all folks. Stay tuned for the next newsbite, live at your screen, when Terrible Tory Girl next gets around to writing up her day's rants.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Spews On The News -November 1

Welcome to Spews On The News With the Right Dishonourable Terrible Tory Girl.

This year's halloween's tricks in the political world

1) CopyClegg: Boycott ID Cards


Beg Clegg does just what his nickname entails, begs his voters, apathisers to join him on his crusade to boycott the ID card. This sounds strangely familiar. Familiar in a blonde bombshell way. Now where have I seen this before? Hmm good question. Only of course, in the Tory ranks in the blonde beauty attributes of Mr Johnson.

CopyClegg, not content with copying jargon, look and oratory style of Cam, is sniping their policies too. What would Ming say?
To recap and refresh, see the bidding mayor and his idea of boycotting the ID card scheme…

Leadership material? What a pyramid of piffle. To quote the immortal Johnson and Boris, "the chances of [him] being leader is like Elvis being found on the moon or [him] being reincarnated into an olive." (Boris meant him, not Clegg but you see the point)

2) Dear Cam – My Heart Felt Question to the Tory leader, proud to be the one pro- trendy Tory site to have the supreme Leader's approval, is set to have Cameron video blog log on the webpage.

Following their requests for reader questions, Terrible Tory Girl felt somewhat compelled to ask this of him:

Dear Cam,

I am a twenty odd Tory with TAD syndrome, Tory Affective Syndrome. Party faithful, I have delivered leaflets in the 'no man's (or woman's) lands' of my village, namely my council house neighbours and praised your name to high heaven in classes of ill-informed Marxists. With body and mind still in tact after two years in the left leaning capital, I ask what you plan to do to help support voters with TAD syndrome, a serious political disease which like moods, swing rapidly from one extreme to another. In my last transition, I found myself inspired by Broon and wearing a Che Guevara t-shirt. Please help!

Terrible Tory Girl

(Oh this wasn't MSN's 'Dear Pam'?, oh dear)

3) Piggy, Piggy Shall Not Be Moved

It's all lies, I tell you, all lies! Another gov scam to spoil the little fun us meaties endure after sinking our molars into juicy pig hind. Terrible Tory Girl's bringing in the bacon, trotters and all.

I propose a diet that consists of red meat and red meat alone - a more tasteful way to the route to death. Yummy. Oink.

4) For Christ’s sake, watch the Church!

You can take the pleb out of Christianity but you can't take the Christianity out of a pleb. Mess with the monarchy or our Lordy Bishops and feel my rage. PC PCs, you better watch it -God is omniscient, omnipotent, (not all smelling, that's just silly) and omni-there.

5) Blair 2: Go Now

We don't need another Blairo. Goodbye, farewell, aufwiedersehen, goodnight ot should we say Ate a vista/adeus?