Saturday, September 18, 2010

The Pope's not a dope

God bless the most famous and reverend Benedict.

His visit may have provoked many a hissy fit from the Atheist/Jew/Proddy/Afghan/tax payer /tube rider(select which is applicable) camp and subjected Britain's Got Talent rejects but there is some good in this famous Catholick.

He's provided some laughs vith his very Germann accent but also taught our youngsters a lesson, and given them a constructive path to follow. Forget bags of money and fame, the only thing that is better than Dior handbags and bunches of fifties is becoming a saint.

Z-list fame or a prime spot in heaven? Hmm that's a tricky one.

Is it too late to renounce my Protestant views and do a when-in-Rome ...?

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Get a twin room, media!

Sex, sex, sex!

That's all it has been these few weeks. Despite being an avid reader of News of the Screws, and lapping up who's dunnit with who this week, TTG is finding it all rather tiresome.

First it was William Hague and the alleged sexual aid he was getting from his aide - all because he thought it wise to save a bundle of cash or two by sharing a room while out campaigning. But apparently this innocent gesture led to all kinds of peoples' dirty minds whirring at an alarming rate as hundreds scorned the Foreign Sec for wanting to cut costs. TTG sends out her support to all those embroiled in this alleged 'scandal' or bedgate.

Then Tony Blair thought he would etch in our heads the most horrific image in since Human Caterpiller - his love life. between the sheets. with cherie. Now Terrible Tory Girl has had enough of lothario Tone's sexual healing boasts after unfortunately coming across a copy of The Sun in 2005 where the then PM revealed him and Cherie celebrated winning the election by adding four knots on the bedpost that night. TTG is still haunted by this.

No wonder Dublin threw eggs and bottles at Blair. No one needs to or ever wants to hear about you being a hot lover ... wait while TTG brings up the bile over that one.

And of course, not forgetting a balding footy pro who put his foot in it (and his football brain) by hooking up with a hooker. Now none of any of the above involved in these sex scandals are in TTG's public interest, namely because they aren't exactly the people your everyday person will think about in a lusty fashion. Sorry Will, but you're just not TTG's type.

So media, get a twin room... unless of course it's a double page spread of any of the following in their pants:

-Gerard Butler
-Colin Firth
-Johnny Depp
-George Osborne (?)

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

BBLB - Big Brother Government's Leadership Bollocks

*For a dumbed-down look at the Leadership, scroll down below

Is anyone else frankly bored of the L word? TTG doesn't even want to give any of these five any publicity on her respectful blog but it seems streams of paper, journalist hours and web space are being given freely to yesterday's politicians. The media should get their money's worth by putting up a paywall for these rent-a-gobs so the reporters get paid for listening to their drivel.

What scares the Terrible Tory Girl more than the verbal diarrhea these L-lists are spouting in their various shit storms (see talk about not just reaching out to the middle classes, poor sportsmanship and anything that comes out of the Hackney priestess's gob) is the talking up of the media that these pathetic politicos may once again taste the sweet nectar of Government. If there is a God, let it not be! They have had their time, they are past it. They lost this election. Not even Max Clifford could save them. Media outlets may change their views more often than TTG changes outfits but it doesn't mean that everyone else who actually matters aka the voters are so fickle.

But in true media style, voters are. So here's an analogy that anyone can understand, even this X Factor nation of ours.

Here's a recap of a fallen Government's antics


Day 1

Most of the Big Brother Government Housemates are in the kitchen cooking up their campaign strategies.... ZzzZzZZZz

Day 12

(Producer: Is anyone still watching this?) ... The housemates are playing up for the cameras.

Day 16

Today's task is Get Back In Power. The housemates are having trouble getting to grips with this. Ed B is sitting in the lounge while the housemates continue the task.

Day 20

The housemates are wondering what has happened to Diane. (Producer: Who cares, keep watching this freak show)

Day 22

Ex Big Brother housemate Peter has entered the house. Ed M is hiding in the garden.

Day 30

The housemates are getting ready to give their nominations. David has received the highest number of nominations so will face the public vote.

Day 36

...The public have switched off.