Thursday, July 30, 2009

Labour's new breed: The Benefit Careerists

WANT to earn hundreds of pounds without lifting a finger or doing a full day's work? Sound too good to be true? Well, not with Labour!

Labour have teamed up with tax payers to offer thousands of vacancies up and down the country where we pay YOU to sit and watch Jeremy Kyle. All you have to do is fill out a few forms and you are on your way to having that life you have always dreamt of.

There are no get-out clauses, all we ask for in return is your soul and full use of your ovaries.

See, Labour get off when in control. Like a dominatrix, the tin-pot little faction like nothing more than wearing the trousers in the relationship and the odd whipping here and there for their subservients.

And what better way to ensure the all-empowered state gets its way than to bribe and control through the means of capita or benefit.

Benefits may breed a race of layabouts in our wearful eyes but said layabouts provide a movement, open to abuse and manipulation.

Money talks, especially to a generation of hand-me-state-downs who by encouragement, sit idly by, struggling to feed their benefit bebes.

Like scientists who breed animals in the lab, Labour have their own breeding experiment, to preserve what should be a dying race of able-bodied couch potatoes who from cradle to grave sit in their council flats, picking up their packets and drink their aspirations away.

It's survival of the feeblest; Labour, at the helm, a weak and inefficient party who don't work for the people yet pick up the perks like those under them, contrary to popular opinion have achieved their policy of cutting unemployment. They have created the new career that's all the rage in classrooms across the country. No 'I want to be a doctor when I grow up' talk but 'I want a baby and want it paid by the state' aims.

Some of you will have read about the preggers slummy mum whose past THIRTEEN kids have been taken into care but yet she is determined to keep having more and more until she has at least one child she can neglect.

The Victorians had the right idea...but sadly the spiralling into subservience shall continue as long as Labour are living.

Forget tax cuts, let us cut the welfare system and cut it for good and for the good of the nation.


In other news, there has been Absolute uproar over Cameron's slip of the tongue.

The BBC ... what twats.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Police headscarf offensive is offensive

AVON police have been caught covering up vital, er, personnel on the beat. Policewomen have been given headscarves, along with their cuffs and guns, as essential beatwear while tackling crime.

The brainchild of Avon and Somerset police, the covering up of cops helps cops fit in with their Muslim communities apparently.

Yeah, 'cause Muslim women walk around with a POLICE logo emblazoned on their foreheads and carry guns while out on the streets.

For all their 'religious respect mumbo jumbo, the police in Avon have completely gone off the mark on this one. Firstly the headscarf is less so a religious item but a cultural garment. So the wearing of a headscarf for the purpose of fitting in with citizens and respecting their God-fearing ways is pretty absurd 'cause do most Britons cover at the sight of the Lord...?

Secondly, the Hijab, is for the purpose of modesty. To cover the hair and to detract attention. How on earth does a police woman not stand out a mile or avoid attention? She's a law enforcer for crying out loud!

In a sense, by wearing the headscarf in a country like ours where Islam is not the religion du jour, is actually far more disrespectful than not. The police can't even deal with crime properly, how can they hope to get the community on side with this stupid stunt?

This may come to a shock, dear police so do take a seat and a sip of water, but not all Muslim women wear the headscarf!

The £13 hair curtain policy, suitable for use for all religions, should be hung up for good.

Try doing your job, instead of resorting to the ridiculous. And maybe try reading the Qur'an.

What next, trackies, gold hoop earrings and a can of Stella for work on the estates?

Monday, July 27, 2009

Vote for me, TTG, as your best blog 2009

Terrible Tory Girl wants you! ...To pick as your fave blog 2009.

TTG has braced and even embraced the blogosphere for near two years now, to bring you a no-barred, mischevious, plain-speaking, tongue-firmly-in-cheek and terribly biased parodicial of politics. And TTG hopes you have enjoyed it ;)

Dear readers, vote for me, TTG, as your best blog for the year 2009. Or at least find a place for me in your top ten.

Send your top ten blogs to

Read on for further details on how to enter.


Email your ten favourite blogs (ranked from 1-10) to

It's that time of year again, when Total Politics asks you to vote for your Top 10 favourite blogs. The votes will be compiled and included in the forthcoming book, the Total Politics Guide to Blogging 2009-10, which will be published in September. This year the poll is being promoted/sponsored by LabourList and LibDemVoice as well as our publisher Iain Dale's blog.

The rules are simple.

1. You must vote for your ten favourite blogs and ranks them from 1 (your favourite) to 10 (your tenth favourite).
2. Your votes must be ranked from 1 to 10. Any votes which do not have rankings will not be counted.
3. You MUST include ten blogs. If you include fewer than ten your vote will not count.
2. Email your vote to
3. Only vote once.
4. Only blogs based in the UK, run by UK residents are eligible or based on UK politics are eligible.
5. Anonymous votes left in the comments will not count. You must give a name
6. All votes must be received by midnight on 31 July 2009. Any votes received after that date will not count.

If you have your own blog, please do encourage your readers to take part. Last year, more than 80 blogs did so. We hope this year it will be far more than that. BUT, DO NOT list ten blogs you think your readers should vote for. Any duplicate voting of this nature will be disallowed. If you do not wish for your blog to be voted for please email You will see a list of the blogs who have chosen not to be included in the comments shortly.

There are many ways of measuring a blog's popularity. Wikio and Technorati have complicated logarithms which measure the importance of incoming links and traffic. Google Analytics does it by measuring how many people visit. But our poll gives blog readers the opportunity to vote for the ones they like and visit most often. It's not scientific. It's impossible to achieve 100% balance and we don't pretend it's perfect.

The results of the poll will be published in the forthcoming book the TOTAL POLITICS GUIDE TO POLITICAL BLOGGING IN THE UK which will be published in mid September in association with APCO Worldwide.

So, go to it. Email us your Top Ten Favourite Blogs

Friday, July 24, 2009

Chloe, already a legend!

Chloe's a girl not to be sniffed at! There are no words to express the feat Chloe Smith pulled off today.

But TTG will say this. If she can achieve this now, on the first rung of her political ladder, think what the future has in store for this Norfolk girl!



...And to top it off, Gerrard has been cleared and is free to play in the season. Phew Dream Team still in tact, and an incredible Tory victory - a day and a half of joy for TTG.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Cap up our troubles, Cameron!

At last! All has been forgiven Cameron!

This week, David managed to rile his Conservative fan TTG with his claim that Tone would make a wonderful President of Europe (pass the sick bag). His support of Turkey coming into the EU had previously riled TTG up something rotten as had his u-turn on the third runway (No, David, no!)

But Terrible Tory Girl is the forgiving kind, especially when at last the long awaited stance on immigration is unveiled and it pleases TTG indeed.

A cap is just what we wanted. Non-stop, non-filtered immigration is one step to destruction for mankind. You cannot simply have a free for all, open all hours border policy, especially when your country is the size of a pea, if that, on the world map.

With our people density hitting 50 million odd in England alone, while our country counterparts in the United Kingdom - who certainly aren't united on their pop. policy - prefer a respective 5 mil for bonnie ole Scotland a meagre 3 for the Wallian valleys, one realises enough is enough! Australia has 20 million - put it into perspective, doesn't it?

Should we send our land to slaughter, to be carved up and served up on a plate of housing blocks and tarmac? Our continental cousins en France nearly match in numbers of people yet their lands are yet to be scarred and littered, swamped with ghettos of terrace.

The environment plays an important new feature in the Tory adaptation and it is for this reason alone that gives need for a cap on immigration. To protect the rugged beauty, the bales, the hills, we have to curb incoming visits.

An office becomes cluttered when its in-tray is full to the brim, spilling out on to the desk and floor.

Alan Johnson's remark that he didn't lie at bed at night worrying about the UK population hitting 70 million should take a letter out of his own book and piss off back to his 5am post rounds.

But Cameron, a points system is not enough. It is time that the system applied to those among us who have nothing to offer this country. Any freeloaders or skill-less do not deserve a place in the UK. It's time our nation bucked its ideas up and offered the world a piece of them, a skill, an export.

Don't just hit would-be immigrants with the cap, let us extend it to each and every one of us.

Are you fit to call yourself a Briton?

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Terror threat level from MPs at all time low

BRITAIN'S terror threat level from MPs has been been dramatically cut to 'substantial', reports say today.

MPs, who have been responsible for the high levels of anxiety and worry over expense fiddling earlier this year and for highering taxes, have been banned from all public arenas for the next six weeks.

Already members of the public feel safe to walk the streets without members of parliament snatching their pension money or inheritance.

The twelve-week sentence which began this week, will leave MPs unable to come within 30 metres of an individual.

Any MP who breaches the terms will be examined and subject to treatment in a private clinic.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Lose weight the easy way with TFL

LONDON calling, calling all Londoners, want to lose a few pounds without risky crash diets or getting off your feet?

Sounds too good to be true? Well not with TFL. Now, and for possible forever more, you can lose a few just by using TFL, part of our new 'no train, no gain' scheme.

Thanks to limited A/C in our Underground stations, you can lose a pound in an hour while you wait for the train.

No cardio workout necessary or gym kit necessary. Just pick up a seat, wait out for your train and feel the temperature rise. And what's more, because of signal failures and severe delays, we can offer you unlimited time in our saunas (platforms).

Our rooms reach temperatures of over 40 degrees celsuis so you're guaranteed to bust the bulge.

So what are you waiting for (apart from your train), top up your Oyster and work up a sweat.

Take advantage of this fabulous offer now for an unlimited time.

Please Mr postman, don't make us pay

Please Mr Postman, TTG wants her DVDs. Be reasonable.

The Royal Mail is on strike, er, again, with the walk-out movement pipped to reach posties nationwide. So expect letters, bills and eviction notices to come some considerable time later than the usual month it takes.

To celebrate or bemoan yet another strike and terrible service we've come to expect from the Royal Mail, here's TTG's anthem and plea to our posties.

C'mon deliver the settlement, the sooner, the better

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Brown's missus makes a veal out of it

Turns out the G8 was not so gr8 for poor 'First Lady' Three Dresses Sarah Brown, who bemoaned on her Shitter account of the veal meal on offer while at the summit.

Woe is she! Baby cow meat may not appeal to Broon's bit of stuff but to refuse to eat the food put out before you by your Italian hosts is first, disrespectful and unlikely to put your husband in a glowing light. But to secondly broadcast your veal refusal boast and to share it with your 700 odd (odd indeed) fans, is impolite indeed.

Where are your table manners, you snooty middle class cow! And at an event where you are discussing of all things, foreign aid in poorer countries. Sarah, just in case you weren't listening at your summit (with all that blogging), there are nearly a billion malnourished people ... TTG is sure that the veal you refused three times could have been put to good use. Or at least fed some of the poor in this world, who unlike you, don't have a choice on what they can eat or on what slaughter method was used. If they don't eat, they die.

Think in future!

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Unknown and insignificant assembly celebrates ten years of obscurity

THE GOVERNMENT has been attacked after it was revealed millions of tax payers' cash is used to run a tin-pot assembly which sits for only two times a year.

.... Zzzzz Snore on that story later