Flu you gonna call? Not Labour!

SHUT it Britain, unless you too want to succumb to the swine flu. The virus that has wiped out 150 people in Mexico is spreading fast across the world, with the UK the latest pitstop for the illness. So far, two Brits have been hit by the flu and now experts fear that 25 million could soon be on the list...

Don't worry. Britain's covered, remember. Labour promised to keep by masks and drugs when the latest craze was bird flu so we'll be fine. Panic over.

...But apparently that too, like the "green shoots of our economy", rights for Gurkhas and first home owner MPs, is just another figment of our imagination.

Like Labour's crime figure/immigration statistics, Alan Johnson's recent claim that "we can deal with it" and we are prepared, is unreliable.

The cupboard is bare. Thanks to the poor preparation for this pig flu pandemic, there aren't any masks, only some lousy drugs to take once we've contracted the bloody thing. Which is likely and will affect 4 out of ten Brits as our nation neglect to check out our migrants' health, let alone whether they have a right to be here.

So far from being prepped for an illness invasion, silly ole Blighty blights in the health department have left it til now to call up the EU and put in a order for 32 million masks.

Shame that Europe is all out.

If that's their idea of organisation, TTG hates to think what letting themselves go is.

Introducing ... Tory Barbie

TORY BARBIE


To celebrate the success of the Tories in the polls (yet again), Mattel brings you Tory Barbie.

Tory barbie is a feisty, politically minded girl who loves the colour blue. Tory Barbie is passionate about her family, the Conservatives and likes hard graft. She likes making speeches, debating and making her foes cry. Unlike other Barbies, Tory Barbie isn't easily poseable - this Barbie is not for turning.

Comes with:

*Policies
*Principles
*Leaflets and blue rosettes - to help her on her campaign
*Case of champagne - to celebrate our by-election and seat gains


Not included

*Damian McBride
*Smear campaigns - sold separately with the Labour set of dolls


In development

* Cameron's new playhouse -Loveable Cameron moves into his new home, 10 Downing Street. Comes with an oak desk and doll Samantha

*10 Downing Street headed paper - to write letters to your friends and family



Your lifetime is guaranteed with one of these Tory totty beauties. Get your own real doll by joining CF or make a request to Terrible Tory Girl here.

Here goes McBride ... But who cares about his lies?

Here goes McBride ... Labour by his side

NB: This blog is written in full assumption that you have read, heard and been swamped with detail over the latest Gate to put Labour at the forefront of the news for all the wrong reasons, the Derek Draper & McBride Ltd v emails debacle.

Here's a quickie to get you up to speed, if like TTG, you have spent your Holy Week buried under box on box of chocolate Easter eggs.

---> BROWN'S right hand man, hellish Dr Spin McBride got his marching orders after his poison pen emails of ways to top the Tories got leaked. The emails, which vowed to dig up the sex secrets of the rich and famous of the Conservatives, had been sent to Labour luvvy-cum-cunt Dirty Derek Draper, who had his finger in the pie of this smear campaign. The PM of course doesn't recall said emails.


At least we should commend Labour for sticking to their education, education, education policy, for they have brought themselves down to the level of school children with their playground politics.

And even with modern technology. Not quite Twitter level, but they're getting there. In touch with the people, Labour are, you know.

But why do we actually care?

Papers and political movers have been quick to recoil in horror but TTG couldn't care less. They are but mere words.

And words from Labour mean very little to her and to most in this country.

Who, hand on heart, of the British electorate would a) believe b) listen or c) care about these unfounded claims?

A little background colour makes a picture, doesn't it not? The claims against TTG's fave Tory, a certain curious George, get her heated in quite a different way...

And while bloggers and papers cry out in despair at the disgusting snide contributions from McBride and co., what they have done inadvertedly is do the dirty work for ole Derek and McBride.


They couldn't be happier. For now, the supposed skeletons are printed for all and sundry to see. Their smear campaign has been carried out by the very people who had hoped to suppress them. Are the readers of our papers known for reading between the lines or questioning the "facts" put out in front of them?

Now they are left believing that maybe one of our high fliers has an STD, that there might be truth of a cross-dressing, coke snorting member in our ranks etc...

Our best policy is to simply not bat an eyelid at this pent-up, tin pot pathetic little party.

Since its very foundations, little vampire Labour has lived off us. They have tried to drain us of our support, our ideas, the electorate, our policies, our pride and our integrity. But like their vampire counterparts, they are dead. And dead to Britain.

If bullying, intimidation, and smears are all that Labour has to offer, then we might as well put the last grains of dirt on their coffin.

Once, twice, three times a loophole

Broon cloon, Geoff Hoon's, defences were down today after it was revealed the ex Ministry man claimed not one, not two but three homes.

Following in Two Homes Secretary Jacqui Smith's footsteps, the ex Minister was revealed as living in the wonderful grace and favour Admiralty flat, built in 1786, featuring three stories of yellow brick of orginal design, with local views of the London Eye and Horse Guards Parade and featuring Winston Churchill as a former resident. For a limited time only, snap up this flat by joining the Defence.

Hoon's second home, just a stone's throw away, is currently up for let only by landlord Hoon. Buyers must be wary that changing circumstances such as Geoff's "going upstream without a paddle", i.e getting caught out tinkering the system, may result in you losing your home.

Finally, Hoon's third "known" home is set in the beautiful Nottinghamshire, a mere three hours by road to his two other properties. Hoon uses this as his home from a home from a home during the summer break from the Commons. This home will strike up a lot of competition for its price, lack of wear and tear, and barely lived in appearance. £50k has been kindly donated by the public to keep the house maintained and running when Hoon isn't there.

Buyers are asked to join the Labour Party membership to take advantage of this week's offers.

Geoff Hoon, however, may be too busy dealing with critics, to answer your call.

In an official statement, Geoff Hoon said, while humming popular Lionel Richie song, Three Times A Lady:

'Thanks for the homes

That you've given me

And legally I need not resign

And now that I've come

To the end of my MP dough

There's something

I must say out proud.

I once, twice,

three times a loophole.

Yes I am once twice,

Three times a loophole

And I love to

claim out on whatever

The moments I cherish

With every pound that you part

To touch your, to hold your (cash)

To steal your, to need your (cash)

There's nothing to keep us apart,

I'm once twice

Three times a loophole

And I love to

I love to.'