Once, twice, three times a loophole

Broon cloon, Geoff Hoon's, defences were down today after it was revealed the ex Ministry man claimed not one, not two but three homes.

Following in Two Homes Secretary Jacqui Smith's footsteps, the ex Minister was revealed as living in the wonderful grace and favour Admiralty flat, built in 1786, featuring three stories of yellow brick of orginal design, with local views of the London Eye and Horse Guards Parade and featuring Winston Churchill as a former resident. For a limited time only, snap up this flat by joining the Defence.

Hoon's second home, just a stone's throw away, is currently up for let only by landlord Hoon. Buyers must be wary that changing circumstances such as Geoff's "going upstream without a paddle", i.e getting caught out tinkering the system, may result in you losing your home.

Finally, Hoon's third "known" home is set in the beautiful Nottinghamshire, a mere three hours by road to his two other properties. Hoon uses this as his home from a home from a home during the summer break from the Commons. This home will strike up a lot of competition for its price, lack of wear and tear, and barely lived in appearance. £50k has been kindly donated by the public to keep the house maintained and running when Hoon isn't there.

Buyers are asked to join the Labour Party membership to take advantage of this week's offers.

Geoff Hoon, however, may be too busy dealing with critics, to answer your call.

In an official statement, Geoff Hoon said, while humming popular Lionel Richie song, Three Times A Lady:

'Thanks for the homes

That you've given me

And legally I need not resign

And now that I've come

To the end of my MP dough

There's something

I must say out proud.

I once, twice,

three times a loophole.

Yes I am once twice,

Three times a loophole

And I love to

claim out on whatever

The moments I cherish

With every pound that you part

To touch your, to hold your (cash)

To steal your, to need your (cash)

There's nothing to keep us apart,

I'm once twice

Three times a loophole

And I love to

I love to.'