A Conservative guide to naming your baby

Today in little Truro, Cameron the Younger was born, a bonnie bouncing girl. As our power duo, Sam Cam and DC recover from the wonder of birth, TTG has got the name-calling down to a T.

Here's her guide for David and Sam on what to call their daughter without making any political faux-pas with the backbenchers.

In

• Beryl - Now this is up your street, Dave. Going Greek won't just boost our position in Europe but you can't go wrong with a name which means blue-green. Befitting of our logo - a keeper.
• Victoria - For Christ's sake, it even has 'Tori' in the title, it's a name that once belonged to a monarch and it's V for Victory. An all-rounder.
• Michaela - Honour your predecessor leader Michael Howard with this female form of his name
• Clementine - It was good enough for Winston, it's good enough for you.
• Margaret - A risky one. But a fantastic way to honour our Lady
• Nicole - Celebrate the Coalition union with this

Out

• Harriet - means estate. Also a name of a hysterical Labour harpy
• Yvette - Other name half of Ed Balls. Don't balls up her future with that juxtaposition
• Scarlet - red alert. Now we don't want anything that colour now!
• Anita - its meaning gives all the wrong connotations. Grace and favour flats come to mind.
• Halle - While the gorgeous Halle Berry has no problems with her name, it means home rule. Not something which has done us Tories terribly well.
• Jessy - A wealthy name. Expect outcries for a ban on her name.
• Barbara - Foreign. Forget the Sun vote if you pick this.
• Truro - (is that even a girls name?) - Don't do a Beckham, it just isn't classy
• Millie - the name of a party on its last legs.

Got a name for the Camerons? Add yours below

Australia likes theirs well hung too

Now TTG is at the outback of the queue when it comes to getting the situation down under.

From the words TTG has glanced at, it seems like the Aussies like theirs well hung too as a system ordaned with nooses seems ever apparent. Maybe there's a job here for old Nicky. Another coalition to get his teeth into, to yo-yo between should he wish to disembark after a bad week in the top office or after DC banishes him out of the media spotlight for a while.

Welsh-born leader (and therefore Muggle Aussie) Gillard who only a week or so ago suggested that Australia should ditch the monarchy once the Queen pops her regal clogs, managed to edge ahead despite a few months leading the country ... into despair. Tories this side of the continent/world have hailed Abbott (not to be confused with the shrieking Labour unhopeful hailing from Hackney) mainly for not being party of Labor's motley crew.

As Australia mirrors its Commonwealth counterpart, Britain, in cocking up its powers-to-be. Like the UK, the political climate has turned to climate change and the eco-eccentric brigade. It's good to be green, to eat green. Green is the colour etc. But Labor/Labour have always got the environment question wrong. Rudd kicked off with ratifying Kyoto and even pledged to make it financially viable to be good to the environment. But like our little bankrupt Labour party here, it was just talk, guffaw, hot air. The ETS scheme was shelved and now madame Gillard plans instead to slap a carbon tax on Australia's citizens. Sod energy efficiency, they can't afford it.
But it seems Labor just can't give up on their green guff as Gillard desperately attempts to pick off a handful of greens to add to her coalition garden. Here's hoping the greens check their track record and take a chance on the Opposition for more credible alternatives than tax, tax, tax or broken promises.


Annoying nitbit of the day:

Freddos, the smiling frog choc treat TTG so relished in her pocket money days has been hit by the recession and the effects on inflation. Once a reasonable 10p, the Cadbury chocolate sells from shop shelves for 17 pence! Day light robbery. Kraft, a complaint is in the post. Though might not reach you until you rethink the price once again.

Get behind Nick and David

Like juicy Five Alive's singing dodo, this political pun-dit and right wing extraordinaire is"alive, I'm doing my thing, I'm alive".

TTG has returned to the Tory pride after months of reflection in a post-Labour world, a failed bid to clean up local politics and the rise of the nutters - aka a new breed of Labour luvvies programmed with memory loss of the last 13 years.

Rest assured this lady's not for turning her back on her principles, her pride and policies. After 100 (or is 104?) days of friendly and not so friendly fire and a real sense of distrust for our new politics, TTG feels it is time the party for once recognised our political partnership. Former bed hopper Clegg with his nuclear nonsense and totally rad grad tax trollop may not fit in our neat stereotype of good government but by heck, don't we need this Liberal laddy. What we must remember is that if it wasn't for Nick, we would not be taking this country back on track. We would still be the cold, heartless rent-a-gobs toffs who allegedly wrecked this country. Do we want to preserve this unfounded opinion shared by so many voters? We can prove our weight in gold, yet again. Forget left, right, centre, Libertarian, authoritianism.

Get behind Nick and David. You might just come to like it