Shut your Trapps - it's good for your health says Westminster

BRITAIN's taxpayers are to be slapped with a ban on TALKING after MPs paved the way for Trappist Monk style rule.



Under controversial plans, politicians have vowed to slap a silence order on Brits and cut free speech to an all-time low.



A senior civil servant yesterday quashed claims that the hush-hush bill will keep Brits in their place.



"Freedom of speech is not good for British citizens. Abuse of speech has health implications through the over-exertion of the brain and flailing limbs. Asking questions raises the average taxpayer's blood pressure and 0.0000000000056 per cent of patients admitted into hospital with high blood pressure were found to have shared an opinion or made an MP feel uncomfortable.



"The Government have looked into other forms of communicating with your fellow man and discovered this healthier alternative - not talking at all. A testing panel of 0 patients showed an overall improved level of calmness and serenity and blood pressure levels were normal. Health experts have welcomed these findings and this bill."



Under the proposals, taxpayers will not be allowed to ask politicians questions on TV, in debates or on the street.





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