Those Obamania headlines again.

Omnipresent ... Obama on the catwalk

Just in case you haven't heard or missed out on the small coverage in the papers, the Messiah has returned to earth. And in other news, Obama becomes President.

Here is the round-up of headlines for Day 3 of his Presidency. *

Obama brings peace to the Middle East

HOURS after closing torture terror camp Guantanamo Bay, superman Barack Obama has brought peace to the Middle East with ONE phone call. Middle Eastern leaders settled their differences after the new President convinced them with a speech written by someone else, that "yes we can have peace".

Obama voted best President

BARACK Obama has topped a poll of best Presidents in America's history despite leading the country for just one day. Obama beat George Washington hands down picking up 98 per cent of the vote of all Americans polled to George's two per cent.

"I love Gordon" says top man Obama

OBAMA has sparked rumours of an affair after being heard blowing kisses in a call to self-imposed leader of Britain, Gordon Brown. Obama was snapped without his wedding ring as he rang his main man in Europe.

Dancing King

OBAMA is set to make a cameo appearance on Dancing with the Stars after impressing judges with his steps at his TEN galas. The president, whose schedule is as light as his toes after finishing his world chores, reckons "he can" cope with the gruelling workout involved.

Happy Obama Day

PRESIDENT Barack Obama has bowed down to pressure and made a public holiday to celebrate himself. The special holiday will take place on January 21st every year with nationals remembering where they were and what they were doing when he was inaugurated.

Miracle Walker

BARACK OBAMA was seen walking on water at his local swimming pool. Fellow swimmers were shocked when their trunked hunk hero stepped on swimmers from one side of the pool to the other. Experts believe this is only the second incident of this kind to ever be recorded.

"Obama saved my life...on the telly"

AN ILLINOIS pensioner was saved from certain death when in his dying moments he heard Obama speak.The pensioner whose heart had relapsed, was revived by hearing the president take his oath.

He said: "I could see the white at the end of the tunnel. I was gone for. But then, I heard that great man speak. It was if he had reached out across the screen and pressed the on button on my heart." Read more of this modern miracle here....

Welcome to the presidential suit - How to get Obama's look

BLACK is the new black. This season dark linen suits are all the rage. We love Jaegar's three piece set for a recession-busting price tag of a zillion US dollars or billion UK Euros. To get his signature look, team black pants with a crisp open white shirt and republican red tie. For accessories, aviator sunglasses, bulletproof car and gowned arm candy in the form of Michelle.

Tissue-makers blown away by record sales

KLEENEX is celebrating world record sales after three tons of tissues were sold on ONE day alone. January 21st has made history in Kleenex's accounts after snivelling Americans and Probamanians across the world snapped up the tissues in preparation for the big day.

Not of this earth ... Obama hailed the second Jesus

DISCIPLES have begun writing the next chapter of the bible, convinced that Barack Obama is the son of God. The Book of Obama, which will reveal his five years' long journey to the White House from obscurity, will be in shops next week retailed at $35.99.

*For libel reasons, Terrible Tory Girl would like to declare that this is a poor attempt at satire. None of the above carries any truth...for now.