Plane stupid

IT'S OFFICIAL, Labour have runway with the fairies!

TTG may not be the greenest of folk, but even she realises the folly of the third runway larky - let's cut carbon emission by 80 per cent by 2050 by, er, flying more planes and destroying hundreds of homes.

Wow, looney Hoon, you've thought this through haven't you? Shame other MPs don't have the satisfaction. See, in true Sovietesque style, debate is closed. MPs, being so busy and all, don't need to worry their little heads about something so irrelevant, do they? Labour have kindly made up their minds for them - a fact not welcomed by mace-throwing backbencher John McDonnell.

But John, you must remember, this Heath row is not for you to decide, Broon's half-baked decision tis final. We must be silent and fork out the £30 billion asking price - no doubt this lump sum will be the justification to print more dough a la style Zimbabwe.

Apparently this money throwing exercise will create thousands of jobs. But when the number of flights will only double once we're in 2030, will the airport really need 70k worth of people standing around? Besides, who guesses that the positions will be filled with our EU quota worth of migrants - we have our 'international standing' to worry about remember, we can't be filling our airstaff full of home grown citoyens, can we?

So far, the perks seem immense. But Hoon gives us this little sweetener - "cleanest planes"
Wow, that's TTG signed up. TTG just assumed no new runway would be healthier for our environment but she was evidently wrong. So, TTG assumes that there won't be any extra cost in tax or fares then if we will use the very best in green transport?

Then there's the claim that the new runway will see off our EU competitors. We have no worry of that, we always have plenty of people coming into the UK via plane - nothing to do with England's rep as a haven for freeloading at all.

Tourism has never been better, Hoon. As for justifying the explansion, well, yes Paris has five, Germany has about four...hurrah for them. They have plenty of land just hanging around. TTG doesn't know if Geoff's noticed but those two countries are a far sighter bigger than ours.


Also in Geoff's fiscal transport portfolio:

* A fantastic plan to offer wider transport by wiping the village of Sipson off the map - 700 homes will be destroyed

*A high-speed rail line between London and Scotland - this way our Caledonian chums in parliament don't have to spend too long in the tip that is England.



Not in Geoff's fiscal transport portfolio:

* Better transport full-stop

* Better rail links for the country apart from just in London - Is it even possible to travel West to East in England?