Sunday, February 10, 2008

Archbishop of Canterbury '08

Dear Chrits, proles and the secular scores,

After the shocking revelation that the Anglican Chief is an undercover Musulman, after being caught handing out Islamophile leaflets and slamming Bibles into his furnace, Chrit Brits (all four of them) have got in the across the pond presidential spirit and have now embarked on a nationwide search for a replacement. (preferably not an Islamic Imam this time round.)

The owl-spectacled unHoly one first sparked controversy after proclaiming his love for the tree-adulters-pagan-ponces, the druids from Way-aus.

Since then, the self-confessed "hairy leftie" has taken great pains to dismiss the Bible, the nativity, ignore pilgrim pleas, put homosexuals on the pedestal and frankly support any faction that doesn't engross in Genesis.

Apparently the man, who fooled us into thinking he was the next protestant prophet on the throne, also holds dearly the view that terrorists are just like us, with "moral aims" and are certainly "not evil."

TTG saw the first signs of his conversion to Islam after Mr Rowan Will-Imams' began growing his beard and reading passages from the Qu'ran to the congregation.

As his five year anniversary sneaks up, what better way to celebrate his quinque horrendi anni (forgive the poor latin) than to shed his body (theoretically of course) and welcome the new covenant - i.e someone actually biblical.

It's the time to no longer crucify Rowan Will-Imams in the media, but for him to rise again in a new post, preferably not in God's sect.

Archbishop of Canterbury '08 - Who Will Be Your Protestant Pastor For Canterbury?

Here are the favourites to win (no gambling rates - us Chrits don't do such a thing)

1) Yorkie - The Archbishop of York, John Sentamu, was tipped back in 2003 to be the next Archbishop but narrowly lost to the Cymraegian. You may remember him from such BBC broadcasts where he ripped off his dog collar on air in protest against Robert Mugabe.

Pro: Christian

Con: He's not back at work yet as he's waiting for action to be taken against Mugabe.

2) The 'Mohammad Ali' of Christianity - Bishop of York, Michael Nazir-Ali, recepient of death threats and calls on his life for a Telegraph essay noting "no-go" areas.

Pro: Actually is Christian; has balls

Con: No support from politicians/ other faith groups

3) Care-a-lot - Ex Archbishop Lord George Carey allowed women to become priests, failed his eleven-plus and was picked by Maggie T.

Pro: Knows the ropes - Been in the job before; Doesn't want Sharia law

Con: Might be rusty after five years; now 72; called for humane treatment of Chile dictator, Pinochet.

4) Tony Bliar - Well, he's adaptable, flexible, can inspire the masses and apparently he's Christian after all.

Pro: He's one hell of a preacher!

Con: It's Tony Blair........

5) - Richard "Carbon"Chartres - The Bishop of London, the pro-green preacher, was deemed important enough to feel the wrath of Ryanair boss, Michael O'Leary: "The Bishop of London has got empty churches - presumably if no one went on holidays perhaps they might turn up and listen to his sermons. God bless the bishop!"

Pro: Been in post for an impressive 12 years

Con: Seems to be easily taken in by guv' propoganda judging by his no-carbon Lent pledge.

Get in on the action by visiting our sister site -

Kind regards,

Terrible Tory Girl

1 comment:

Not that Nick Wood said...

Some (of the many) problems about Blair getting the job are
1) He's recently become a catholic - not that denomination seems to be a bar to the job these days, besides he’d convert back if he thought it was expedient
2) He’s probably applying for the job of EU President
3) If he doesn’t get that he’ll probably prefer to be Pope
4) If he isn’t made pope he’ll apply for the top job – God.
5) Once established in either Arch Bish of C or Pope role he’d want to start another Crusade.
6) As you pointed out – he’s Tony Blair

Apart from that he’d be a natural.