Spews On The News - January 29-31

In the midst of magazine related mayhem and flicking through job listings for work, any work, provided it isn't any of the following:

1) Newspaper layout i.e the use of anything remotely related to Indesign, Photoshop, Macs

2) Politically hostile papers - i.e - leaves only the Express, and the Sun when McClown won't be so kind to give Maddoch an exclusive splash.

3) Academia - no, I won't go, you can't make me! Ahhhhhhhhh, the dim lights, the dusty books. It's too much.....too much.

The news, ruthlessly modified by Terrible Tory Girl.

Brown's Bent Chaps (BBC)

Please dear Scot compatriots, Labour scoundrels and biased bigwits, could you kindly refrain from showing relentlessly the Cheshire-like grin of Macavity Brown, particularly when TTG is eating - you don't want indigestion on your conscience do you, Mr Director Generale Mark Thompson?

Perhaps for Lent, in a completely un Christian practice of course, the BBC could pledge to not scare voters into supporting their cad candidate, Brown, by pasting his pasty credentials across the screen.

It is an health and safety risk and one TTG would hope you would take most seriously.

As for BBC journos, last time TTG checked the OfCom code, outright bias for the guv' is foul play. Keep your bias in your trousers/blouses!

Burger Managering

At a time when the chips are down with sales plummeting in the States, UK Big Maccers have produced in-house manager training qualifications to match the standards of A-levels. (Well of course they aren't academic then!)

Snooty journos have been quick to take the utter Mac out of these designated diplomas but while normally the endorsement of Ronald McDonald's politician brother, Brown McClown, is enough to put TTG off her extra value meal, TTG is in great support.

Not only will these kiddies be spared a teenlife hood behind the desk, but they are ensured better prospects in the career market with their niche skills. Everyone has a degree these days - it's not difficult to copy line for line what Mr Teacher says and then learn like a mindless parrot.

What these McEmployees will have is a far sight better and something schools cannot teach - those of physical ability, the skills that many employers have to pay through the nose to send new employee graduates to learn on a three month course.

Could McDonalds, too produce a diploma for our incumbent leaders - TTG thinks they need a refresher lesson in how to run a cabinet/government/country. Better still, since McDo staff won't be forced to swallow British state schooling, they'll probably come out for the better.

Any room in the cabinet for one more greasy, "ill-trained" brownshirt?

Bagpipes and the Gladrags

With the prophecy this week that the Scots will be the men/women/sheep/Lochness monster/s to set an example on the climate stage, TTG was startled to hear unrest among the Scotch eggs. Apparently one hot Scot actor received a good ticking off, and risked the wrath of many a log, for playing the part of an English toff for desperately dire TV show, Desperate Housewives. The Scots, not content with the larger, meatier slice of Britain's political power, are angry that outsiders don't view them with the same perception of class.....

Labour, your unfriendly neighbour

"Labour (POLITICAL PARTY) [S]the Labour Party, the political party in Britain that believes in social equality, a more equal sharing out of wealth, and the rights of workers"

Dear Labourites, do not be fooled. These men who stand before you in office, are not the Labour that poured through your veins into your passion and decision. These men, who grind you workers to the ground while filling their pockets with your pennies, are not fit to bear the name of Labour, let alone parade its message through the dirt of their own doing.

Do not be deceived. As you workers scrape by to put food on the table, Labour politicians are feeding from the troughs of bounty, living in 6 bedroom homes and driven by chauffeurs, paid of course by your vote.

This is sofa government, power in the hands of the few. The workers' wealth and fortune placed in their palms for their pleasure and their pleasure alone.

Trust the party that doesn't pretend to be any different.

Trust the party that for centuries has rewarded the diligent and cared for the poor.

Trust the party that has delivered before, delivers and will deliver again.

The future's right, the future's blue.

Make the right choice: Tick Conservative

Click here to see why