Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Spews On The News - October 30

Welcome to today's Spews On The News, brought to you by Terrible Tory Girl

1. Happy 405th Birthday Ming! http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2007/oct/29/clam -

Congratulations are in order for Ming! It would seem that the biology world haven't forgotten his two year reign as Lib Dem head - a 405 year old mollusc has uncannily been nicknamed Ming. Would this be a sneaky jibe at Campbell per chance?

2. The Copying Game: Irresponsible Journalism

Concerns of increasingly younger employees in the media have been realised after it was revealed that most of today's journos belong in the classroom.

Three reporters were seen bullying interviewees and tell-tale titting on national television broadcasts last night.

Cathy Newman, political correspondent of Channel 4, one of the accused, attacked Cameron for copying Sabre Party ideas. "You're just copying them aren't you?"

Julie Etchingham, of the popular Sky news crowd, giggled with pals of Blameron's immigration policy, deeming it as 'extermination.'

The other, a Paxmanophile, also on Channel 4, verbally lunged into Immigration Minister, Liam Byrnes, shouting 'Poles...poles...what about the Poles?' incessantly......

(Ed...And they say politics has gone to the dogs...looks more like the classroom to me)

(Ed. I retract that statement, it wasn't meant for broadcast. Sorry journo chums)

3. Millisand Stands Up Saudi King

David 'Brangelina' Millisand stood up his important date, King Abdullah, deciding instead to adopt a son. Millisand, who has since gone on paternity leave, claims the timing of the adoption was 'entirely coincidental.' As coincidental as the timing of the Labour leadership contest earlier this year and the foreign secretary job opening it would seem.

4. EngLand of Votes And Tory - http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article2759813.ece

Englots may be given the devolution franchise in years to come. Cam Cam and Scot Rifkind are up to their sleeves in paperwork for a bill to have only English MPs voting on English issues. While the Terrible Tory Girl herself welcomes such plans, there are a few hiccups to be cured.

1) What/who counts as English?

2) Considering most MPS are Scottish in Westminister, how could Scots vote on matters affecting their English constituencies?

3) And would these Scottish actually give the green-go ahead for this in the first place?

4) And if they did, wouldn't Scots and Welshies vote on the implementation of the bill thus defeating the whole point?

5) And if the bill were to be passed, where would the extra Britons go if there were to be a vote or debate in the commons - would they skulk in the corner like naughty school children?

6) And would Brown be able to give answers on English issues in PMQ?

5. EXCLUSIVE: Organic Food Is Healthier - http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/86972.php

Attention jacket potatoers, put down that ginormous, glutenous GM glazed doughnut and get munching homegrown greens. Scientists have discovered that organic food is in fact healthier than its non-fresh counterpart!

Apparently, perhaps thanks to financial incentives from organic companies, England's geniuses have proven organic food to be 40 per cent better than your run of the mill free range eggs or semi-skimmed milk.

Maybe that or perhaps that non-organic produce is pumped to the brim with chemicals and stabilisers has something to do with its unhealthy count.

To put it incolloquially or crudely, 'no shit, Sherlock.' Can I have a side order of real organic news?

1 comment:

Sanz said...

You are such a joker! i like that! David 'brangelina' Milisand...very clever...