Thursday, December 31, 2009

Politicians' promises for 2010

Resolution ... Brown takes a break from Labour policy

While Terrible Tory Girl struggles to make and keep her own resolution for 2010, here she shares the promises politicians plan and really ought to make for the beginning of the Tens.

Gordon Brown: Win back public backing; no longer be a YouTube laughing stock; get out of the Brown stuff

TTG's suggestion: Avoid these words, 'change', 'fourth term', 'world', 'Eton',in 2010
Use these instead: 'Resign', 'I' ,'Will', 'now'

Nick Clegg: Leader of the Lib Dumbs: To become a credible alternative to Labour and the Conservatives

TTG's suggestion: Become visible by tattooing 'Hi, it's Nick here, you local Lib Dem' on your forehead; grow a moustache - prove that the Lib Dems can make a decision and it may just make it easier for voters to spot you in a crowd; must not copycat Cameron

Harriet Harman: Another year, another load of bonker bills to push - housing rights for squirrels, anyone?

TTG's suggestion: Put your feet up. You've worked too hard, Harry! Give those bills a rest in 2010.

Peter Mandelson: Make Brown an offer he can't refuse ... and a Chancellor job please

TTG's suggestion: Cut down on use of grease on a day-to-day basis; Keep resignations to the one

Nigel Farage: Got to pick a voter or two ...

TTG's suggestion: Give up going to silly parties like, um, UKIP ... Come to your rightful leader, Cameron

Boris Johnson: Crikey, must keep on to my mayoral staff

TTG's suggestion: Bloody fix TFL! Carry on the good work.

Vince Cable: Come up with another catchphrase slogan winner. Bananaman Brown ... he's always slipping up ... um ... no, scratch that.

TTG's suggestion: Stick to the day job which is .... ?

George Osborne: Show the public the size of my Budget ...

TTG's suggestion: Pose for Playgirl - that'll boost your profile ;) ... and it gets TTG's support

William Hague: Cut down on the ten pinters
TTG's suggestion: Please bring back the baseball cap - we need a bit of fun in our live.

Michael Gove : Blitz bad school records

TTG's suggestion: Show the political world what a star you really are. You need to spell out to voters just why the Tories with you as their education chief can see the return of the three R's - arithmetic, writing and reading.

Alistair Darling: Stand up to my bully, Brown

TTG's suggestion: Darling, matching is this year's trend ... do something about those eyebrows. Hair dye available at all good stores.

David Miliband: Show Britain just what Hilary sees in sexy stallion me!
TTG's suggestion: Must be a job going in Europe ... goodbye, David

Ed Balls: Be more successful, i.e be successor to Brown

TTG's suggestion: Must not have leader delusions or delusions of grandeur; perhaps admit Yvette is your long-suffering wife?

David Cameron: Go North - get on the right side of our Northern neighbours; keep Britain together; get people voting for us.

TTG's suggestion: You'll never win this class war business; this year just concentrate on outing these incompetent incumbents.

Do you have any resolution ideas for our MPs? Add your own by commenting below.

1 comment:

Cazzy Jones said...

Frank Field: accept that the sinking ship of socialism is fatally holed, shout "NO" as loud as possible if John Bercow is re-elected in his Buckingham seat, and do my utmost to succeed him.