BRITAIN’S IN THE GOLD: SECOND MEDAL WON

Going for gold... Gordon in race

Britain has won a second gold medal just minutes after cyclist Nicole Cooke pedalled to success earlier today.

Dawdler Gordon Brown, who is prime minister by night, scooped the gold prize after beating world leader records of staying put in one spot for over ten years.

The stubborn Scot, despite reports of the sportsman not being in shape and not up to the job, beat off no opposition to remain in the top spot.

Critics in the public jeered that ‘he was a bottler’ after he failed to show for the contest last October.

While the one-man contest is legit under contest rules, Brown still proves to be unpopular in the sportsworld.

Joe Bloggs said: “He didn’t even give Cameron (Brown’s rival) a chance. He never had to face the public – how is that democratic?

Bloggs added.” He’s like a bad smell, he refuses to go whatever you do. Opinion polls across the country have said he should give up the game but he refuses to listen.”

Britain’s answer to Musharraf

Brown, who at 57 is young in the immobile world, however has had support from former prime athlete, Mrs Thatcher who hopes he sticks to his guns and stays until at least 2010.

Brown rose to motionless success after training Tony Blair in the sport. Mrs Thatcher, in her prime, had managed to stay put for eleven years, a personal best beat by Brown’s student in 2007.

Gordon, who has been hit by controversy in the past after claims he had stolen his rivals’ techniques, is confident he can beat his new record.

Rival David Cameron is set to pip Gordon, 13 years his senior, once Gordon sets the date of the next contest.

But as Alex Salmond, Scottish champ said: "I've got news for David - I don't think there's going to be an imminent general contest somehow."