Spews on the News April 16

Separated at dearth. Mugabe long lost ideological twin of Prem Brown

Picture stolen and edited slightly from: www.dailymail.co.uk

Hyper-crit

To cite Meat Loaf "I Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself" when it comes to the crunch of Zimbabrown and the Labour peer who could say no. Here are the immortal words as they were written and told unto Moses in the Exodus of the Labour party:

"Brown was put on earth to remind people how good Tony Blair was."

While TTG wouldn't stoop as low as praising Bliar, that Labour anon bloke has got it in one - only took them nine months to work it out, while here at TTG's abide, it took a second.

He also added, much to TTG's amusement that Brown's style of leadership was comparable to "porridge, or maybe haggis. It is not very persuasive if you don't already agree with him."

D'oh Good Gord, even your Vapour friends are leaving your deathside - perhaps it is better you start humming one of those sad Scotland songs you rave on about. Or even 'go now'. It goes something like....'Get lost'

* In a laughable concept, Brown has urged leaders big and small to rise up against Mugabe who has "stolen" the election in Zimbabrown. Funny he says that, TTG doesn't recall Mr Brown paying for his premiership - where were the leaders then to police this man who broke into 10 Downing Street, set up camp, took the British people hostage and stole power?

Yes the Daily Mail may once have called you "hyper" but TTG adds "crit".



Loan Sharks

TTG is not amused and she has a funny suspicion the government is behind it. In short, the student loan, the pathetic pennies stowed to pauper students to live off, haplessly, while they study a degree that won't get them any further in the job market/dream, has not been delivered.
While TTG juggles Mr D.Issert, and Mr E.Xam, she can look forward to several more weeks of eating beans, toast Louis Pasteur would be proud of. To add to this utter misery, TTG hasn't the faintest when the money will come as she has lost her FArt ID and her secret password and secret combination and secret question and all the bureaucratic rubbish you must know just to discover how far from the poverty bread line you really are.

What makes the whole system absurd and prone to malfunction and meltdown is that each student is given a different date of cash delivery, lest some sneaky bastard discover your codes through all your paperwork and is just that desperate enough to prey on your pathetic sum of pounds.

Well done Government for thinking of your next generation of skilled workers through these testing times of exam and essays. Vote the Government, they really Labour for you.


Spring glean at the Telethatch


After months of the Telegraph pulling up its roots and packing off to Scotland in the guv's gravy train following the arrival of immigrant Scowling Scot, the Torygraph is back!

The Telethatch evidently has realised too soon that Brown is actually, as common sense will tell you, a complete and utter imbecile, unfit to even lead his greying hair let alone a country.

May TTG pause to thank God for the second coming of the Telegraph back to nurture its blue roots with a sprinkle of thatcherism trickling between its pages. To mark their return to the right, the Telethatch have launched a free DVD giveaway of all things Thatcher.

Be like a Thatcher and snatch up this mighty fine deal for the Tory and non-Tory alike.

For more info, check out their Thatch house- a section of their online paper dedicated to articles, cartoons and the like all shelfed under one roof.



Wacky Mayoral Races

Ole Kenny will be rolling out of his political grave with the fact that he may be reanimated into office thanks to Proportional Rubbish, a vote-fiddling political system that helps out swines like Livingmoan due to its utterly butterly confusing set-up.

How It Doesn't Work

To those who don't know, voters are given two votes - their first choice and their second choice. The voter should vote the best person for the job so tick the name next to Boris Johnson and for their second preference tick against Alan Craig, Gerrard Batten, Brian Paddick or anyone that doesn't begin with K.
The two candidates with the most votes will go head to head and the batch of second votes will be counted to see who scored the highest. The one with the most should then become Mayor.

That is of course the theory. But the Telegraph has done its very best to confuse its readers with the claim that Boris or Ken fans should cast their vote for their political heros as their second choice as its certain that the two will go head to head.

TTG is not convinced. Is the Telegraph secretly supporting one of the underdogs unheard of until now? Click here.

Well....no but they have an ulterior agenda - they're trying to make the election swing to fill their pages. Tssk. Responsible journalism, eh?

As readers will know, there is one candidate very close to TTG's heart in these Wacky Races, Boris but TTG is in need of a second in command of her support.

1) Should it be Alan Craig - the Super-Chrit.

2) Or could Gerrard Batten - UKIP - be TTG's next in the election relay?

3) Brian Paddick - the ex-bobbie involved in the Brazil nut Menezes case?

Send me your suggestions by commenting on this week's blog or be influenced by Vote Match who said TTG should hand her right hand in support of UKIP.





Headcases

Spitting Image is back baby and the sketches are just as savage, satisfying and outrageous. Accurate too.

Check out Brown and his faithful Darling in 2D form as they try to sort out their finances here
And impartial as all good journalists are, here are the Tories.
And don't forget Mugabe...