Wednesday, February 18, 2009

These Labour-ing dogs need your support!


LABOURING dogs face eviction from their homes and face the next few months on the streets, begging desperately for your votes, as the polls show that a record number of Brits don't need them.

This Labouring pack has Gone To The Dogs Fund in the hope of finding new voters who will nurture, care and provide them with support and keep their bank balances afloat.

Spare just one vote or sponsor a dog and you can make a real difference to their political lives.

This week, these dogs need your help:


Age: 58

Breed: Scottish terrier

Gordon was in a bad state when he came to us. His finances were in a mess and he was broken and bruised after his international dog friends left him cowering, paw high in the shit.

Gordon is very mistrustful and mustn't be allowed near any gold products as he has a habit of squandering, laundering and ripping them to shreds.

He is looking for someone/anyone who is prepared to entrust their faith into him and his fiscal financial policies. He needs a safe home constituency and preferably a kennel up in Scotland.


Age: 59

Breed: Harrier

Harry, who doesn't like its gender discussed, found his/her home at Gone To The Dogs Fund after fighting with the other dogs and trying to steal Gordon's job. Harry has a violent temper and is working with our staff to pass a law that all dogs cannot refer to their breeds on the grounds of discrimination.

While one of our older dogs, Harry keeps himself/herself busy and tries to force his/her dominance in the Labouring pack by weeing on her competition.


Age: 63

Breed: Jack Russell

Whitaker was caught up in many scraps over his long life and has been a member of the fund for several years now . A Jack of all trades, there is no job too small for Whitaker to foul up - Foreign secretary, Home Secretary, Lord Chancellor and Justice.


Age: 56

Breed: English Sheepdog

Darling is our longest resident with his career ballsed up since 1997. He is easily manipulated and controlled by his paw peers. Darling needs your help to get him to stand on his own four paws.


Age: 56

Breed: Doberman Pinscher

Dubbed the Dog of Darkness, devilish Prince, is one of our more difficult members. The money pincher pet, who has been caught taking kennels, can be aggressive and intimidating. (Especially towards Tory dogs like King George Spaniels) But in the right hands, he can be a loyal and helpful asset and is good at digging.


Age: 47

Breed: Bearded Collie

This shaggy bitch, Smith, is one of our younger additions. Smith is a possessive and stalker dog who spends her time taking other dogs' bones and snooping in their kennels. Smith however commands a lot of attention in the House Kennel with her plentiful assets - a technique that with your help, can be improved and prove vital in distracting Opposition dogs.


Age: 42

Breed: St Bernard

Eddie, trained to rescue his pack of Labouring dogs, however needs rescuing himself. Please donate one vote to give him the training he desperately needs to appear in public without putting his paw in it.


asquith said...

David Freud had no trouble in getting rehoused.

Anonymous said...

Jeez, a bad joke stretched out waaaaay to long.

Terrible Tory Girl said...

I apologise Anon for I am not a comedian ;) What would you like to see then?