Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Europhilication - Britain's New Plague

A new and disturbing epidemic, after months of flood, and culled cows, has hit Britain’s streets - that of Europhilia.

So deadly, this condition works its way through the human body, destroying sanity, pride and brain cells as it fulfils its aim to penetrate thought to one that is frankly euro leaning.

Experts do not know yet what causes everyday citizens to break out into pro-European discourse but the public are urged to stay in their homes, avoid radical literature such as the Guardian and Independent and steer clear from the infected.

The Department of Health have released the following document on how to spot an Europhiliac.
The public are asked to identify a potential sufferer from a safe distance.

Symptoms do not have to appear all at once.

Tell-tale signs of this worrying trend:

1) Pro Euro merchandise -A factory in Aldridge, England, started mass production of potential propaganda of Europhilia with their line of Euro play money sets suggesting “ This is the easy way to teach your child counting, how to make change.” Unnecessary when Britain’s currency is the pound sterling or is this an early warning that the Euro is to be adopted?

The Bank of England revealed a new design of £20 notes in 2007 that suspiciously look a little like the European 500 Euro notes.Clothes and shoes are often are marked by European size.Predictive text on the BlackBerry phone puts the euro sign before the pound

2) Health and Safety Regulations-A report revealed that UK workers get less paid leave under EU directives - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/6943667.stm

CBI, attacked the Conservative Party for their aim to scrap controversial EU directives that could hit families and small businesses http://www.telegraph.co.uk/money/main.jhtml?xml=/money/2007/08/18/cncbi118.xml

Airlines in UK have seen a 22 per cent rise in refund claims after the EU ruled it mandatory that customers could demand compensation for delayed or cancelled flights. http://news.scotsman.com/index.cfm?id=1158322007

3) Acceptance of Euro in UK store chains

4) Rejection of a referendum on Europe Despite 4/5 of the public wanting a referendum, the state have rejected calls for one. http://www.eux.tv/article.aspx?articleId=12978

5) A pro-European stance/ UK Shirley Valentines who find love overseas

Most politicians

Sources close to the EuroSkep party told Francesca Preece that the epidemic is likely to have a “lasting impact and if not dealt with correctly, can have twice as much irreversible damage since the horrific signing of the European Union Treaty."

That is today’s main headline. We will back with the latest on this new mental health scare when our reporter returns, hopefully unscathed.

No comments: