The latest political buster to hit the newsstands:
The Mace Company (Conservative Party) has crumbled in the public company polls with both left and right fingers pointing at leader Policy-Dodger rabbit (Cameron) as the culprit for the organisation’s demise.
Policy-Dodger Rabbit, who has hired the likes of Goldsmith to push through controversial climate-celebrity-friendly policies into the ranks of the company, faces further cracks in his credibility, stabs in the back from his collaborator colleagues and worse, suspension in favour of wee Willie.
Policy-Dodger rabbit, who according to the Telegraph has pulled too many bunnies out of the hat, is due to be sentenced for his crimes of knocking the company to kingdom come with his unpopular green toffee-apple nosed views – Views that are not taken too kindly by the knife wielders and rifle-rad grassroots of the company.
“Sinister, power-hungry” Judge Broon has reportedly raised his prudent iron fist in exultation at the news.
Meanwhile, the Loon Patrol – underlings of the judge and weasel deserters - under close watch of Judge Broon, have been busy putting section two of a ‘one-company state’ into practice.
Section two, which sees the return of spin and style set office politics including the allegiance of all media platforms to the judge, has been happily accepted by both the Worcester women and the Joe Bloggs’ of the town.
A General Meeting in October may now be in Judge Broon’s card hand.
As Policy-Dodger rabbit picks up the pieces of his once high-flying career, model wife, Samantha Rabbit , has turned her attention to the platinum attributes of one Gwen Stefani.
It is believed by the residents of Broon Town that Policy-Dodger Rabbit allowed the company to sink after discovering Samantha’s new love.
We want to hear your views.
Who framed Policy-Dodger rabbit? Submit your conspiracy theories and liable statements here.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Muzzles and McCann related Musings
This week's rants:1) The McCann of Worms2) Muzzle Mauling Mutts3) The Veg Pledge
The McCann of Worms
Exhausted but not out of steam the people’s paper, the Express still limps on, foot shodden but able to scramble yet another exclusive on the Maddy can.
Disillusioned finally by the pro McCann national front or perhaps by rewriting the newsflash for the 131st time, the Express ran with ‘Madeleine’s body was in hire car.’
The McCann of worms is not an easy case to pick through to find the facts. But it would seem to be a one-win situation for the shark like police who take the American premise rather too literally - Guilty until proven innocent.
The McCanns, including the twin two-year-old-some Sean and Amelie, have become victims of their own making by the media - The twins face social services after 17,000 petitioned ; Kate and Gerry’s wife swapping and past aggression towards their children have been dragged into the limelight and even Maddy’s toy hasn’t escaped the menace media as police revealed its scent of death.
Yet with conspiracy theories circulating conversation from paedophilic parents to the great abduction hoax, what should we as a nation believe?
However hard we may try to trust the doctor pair are innocent, there is always a doubt nagging neurologically - the doubt that the duo may have somehow been involved.
There are questions left unanswered for the doubting Thomas’.
Where are the witnesses? Why is Mrs McCann always so immaculately dressed?
Why does she not share the same emotional or facial strain as Mrs Payne had showed?
Why was Maddy’s favourite toy placed on a shelf that she could not reach?
Why would responsible parents leave their children alone while they dined, let alone give them sedatives?
And why no babysitter?
Why are the twins barely with their parents?
Why was Muret seen carrying a blonde haired girl covered in a blanket?
Why did the McCanns ring the priest and press before the police?
What advantage would there be for British forensics to set up the McCanns?
Why did police dogs smell her corpse and discover DNA in the McCann hire car 25 days AFTER she had disappeared?
Why would parents, who knew they were innocent, use money raised to help find Madeleine, to get themselves a top dog lawyer?
Why did a butterfly land only on Mrs McCann during a visit to the pope? (if the reincarnation conspiracy theory is to be taken into account)
But the maths doesn’t add up entirely for their apparent guilt.
There isn’t enough evidence to convict them and any material found in use against them is deteriorating.
As written in an article in the Daily Mail last week, how could the McCanns, if involved, carry a corpse without being seen?
This, however can go against the McCann’s theory of an abduction.
Why was Muret questioned in the first place?
Why would the McCanns go to such lengths to get the media involved if they were guilty?
Why haven’t the Portuguese police taken away the death-smelling toy?
What about the parents in Portugal who were framed by police, unable to track down their child’s abductor?
Dead or Alive, Arguidos or innocent, the McCanns are in for one hell of a ride.
Let’s just hope it’s not in a hire car.
Muzzle Mauling Mutts
It’s time to muzzle man’s best friend.
The fate of Ellie Lawrenson, the five year-old whose windpipe met a grisly end between her grandmother’s pit bull terrier’s jaws, should have marked the tightening of laws, leashes and reins on our dogs.
Yet eight months later, attempts to outlaw dangerous dogs have fizzled out to a low bark, and even Chinese-style council laws to have one pet per home in state owned properties were dropped in fear of ‘classism.’
Ill-trained, mal-garded hounds are left to their own devices from harmless barks to the more severe, attacking passers-by.
And it is the latter that now demands the attention of all dog owners after a London man was viciously seized by a rottweiler in Earl’s Court and died at the hands of its owner.
And yet this man, who was brutally stabbed by the horrendous hound’s owner after a plea for a muzzle, a couple of days ago is still in need of mention in the media.
Following the disastrous result of the Dangerous Dogs Act of 1991, now under review, I, on behalf of lives lost by the unmuzzled, pledge my support to kit out each and every dog, irrespective of nature or breed.
Wearing a muzzle should be obligatory when out and about in the same way that a seatbelt is worn - to save lives.
£6 is but a small price to pay to protect your pet and to prevent potential pain to others.
As an owner of a terribly tame and playful two year old German Wirehaired pointer cross, I can hand on heartedly agree to muzzle my Zebedee.
Despite dogs having a canine rights act drawn up as we speak, the responsibility of care of the dog’s owner overrides any ridiculous suggestion that mutts have the right not to wear muzzles.
Since humans have not yet mastered the canine oratory skills, how can we possibly know what goes through a dog’s mind?
Be safe not sorry, muzzle your mutt.
The Veg Pledge
As a try hard balanced journo, I did try to avoid sniping at our dear PM but the latest policy to hit the newsstand screams of statist, propagandist lunacy and deserves attention, for all the wrong reasons.
PM Brown, not content on his wonder boy status in all things politics, has moved to social ground with a new electioneering technique, (perhaps for a snap Autumn election) - conning pregnant citizens with cash.
Not unlike his ingenious handout of a strangely similar handout to pensioners a few years back in exchange for votes, Brown is to offer pregnant women a £150 hand from the state.
And no, it’s not to help pay for essentials like nappies, but for healthy eating.
It does make me wonder whether a newborn or unborn could really appreciate Jamie Oliver style propaganda .
How can this payout for the Government’s propaganda prowess, in a baby world of nappies, injections, clothes and feeding, possibly provide any real help if its restricted to organic perishables?
There are several problems with their veg pledge - if a pregnant women consumed £150 of fruit, would it not invoke an overdose of vitamin C and perhaps a nasty case of scurvy?
How also will the state be able to ensure that the money is not spent on crack, drink?
Will the money be issued in food vouchers for big organic chains where a single, free range potato weighs in at £1?
Surely the Government should set aside their citizen control and encourage them to help themselves rather than reaching for the cheque book when the going gets tough?
Another 80 million down the drain to encourage our already booming baby makers to try again for another life. Well done Labour.
The McCann of Worms
Exhausted but not out of steam the people’s paper, the Express still limps on, foot shodden but able to scramble yet another exclusive on the Maddy can.
Disillusioned finally by the pro McCann national front or perhaps by rewriting the newsflash for the 131st time, the Express ran with ‘Madeleine’s body was in hire car.’
The McCann of worms is not an easy case to pick through to find the facts. But it would seem to be a one-win situation for the shark like police who take the American premise rather too literally - Guilty until proven innocent.
The McCanns, including the twin two-year-old-some Sean and Amelie, have become victims of their own making by the media - The twins face social services after 17,000 petitioned ; Kate and Gerry’s wife swapping and past aggression towards their children have been dragged into the limelight and even Maddy’s toy hasn’t escaped the menace media as police revealed its scent of death.
Yet with conspiracy theories circulating conversation from paedophilic parents to the great abduction hoax, what should we as a nation believe?
However hard we may try to trust the doctor pair are innocent, there is always a doubt nagging neurologically - the doubt that the duo may have somehow been involved.
There are questions left unanswered for the doubting Thomas’.
Where are the witnesses? Why is Mrs McCann always so immaculately dressed?
Why does she not share the same emotional or facial strain as Mrs Payne had showed?
Why was Maddy’s favourite toy placed on a shelf that she could not reach?
Why would responsible parents leave their children alone while they dined, let alone give them sedatives?
And why no babysitter?
Why are the twins barely with their parents?
Why was Muret seen carrying a blonde haired girl covered in a blanket?
Why did the McCanns ring the priest and press before the police?
What advantage would there be for British forensics to set up the McCanns?
Why did police dogs smell her corpse and discover DNA in the McCann hire car 25 days AFTER she had disappeared?
Why would parents, who knew they were innocent, use money raised to help find Madeleine, to get themselves a top dog lawyer?
Why did a butterfly land only on Mrs McCann during a visit to the pope? (if the reincarnation conspiracy theory is to be taken into account)
But the maths doesn’t add up entirely for their apparent guilt.
There isn’t enough evidence to convict them and any material found in use against them is deteriorating.
As written in an article in the Daily Mail last week, how could the McCanns, if involved, carry a corpse without being seen?
This, however can go against the McCann’s theory of an abduction.
Why was Muret questioned in the first place?
Why would the McCanns go to such lengths to get the media involved if they were guilty?
Why haven’t the Portuguese police taken away the death-smelling toy?
What about the parents in Portugal who were framed by police, unable to track down their child’s abductor?
Dead or Alive, Arguidos or innocent, the McCanns are in for one hell of a ride.
Let’s just hope it’s not in a hire car.
Muzzle Mauling Mutts
It’s time to muzzle man’s best friend.
The fate of Ellie Lawrenson, the five year-old whose windpipe met a grisly end between her grandmother’s pit bull terrier’s jaws, should have marked the tightening of laws, leashes and reins on our dogs.
Yet eight months later, attempts to outlaw dangerous dogs have fizzled out to a low bark, and even Chinese-style council laws to have one pet per home in state owned properties were dropped in fear of ‘classism.’
Ill-trained, mal-garded hounds are left to their own devices from harmless barks to the more severe, attacking passers-by.
And it is the latter that now demands the attention of all dog owners after a London man was viciously seized by a rottweiler in Earl’s Court and died at the hands of its owner.
And yet this man, who was brutally stabbed by the horrendous hound’s owner after a plea for a muzzle, a couple of days ago is still in need of mention in the media.
Following the disastrous result of the Dangerous Dogs Act of 1991, now under review, I, on behalf of lives lost by the unmuzzled, pledge my support to kit out each and every dog, irrespective of nature or breed.
Wearing a muzzle should be obligatory when out and about in the same way that a seatbelt is worn - to save lives.
£6 is but a small price to pay to protect your pet and to prevent potential pain to others.
As an owner of a terribly tame and playful two year old German Wirehaired pointer cross, I can hand on heartedly agree to muzzle my Zebedee.
Despite dogs having a canine rights act drawn up as we speak, the responsibility of care of the dog’s owner overrides any ridiculous suggestion that mutts have the right not to wear muzzles.
Since humans have not yet mastered the canine oratory skills, how can we possibly know what goes through a dog’s mind?
Be safe not sorry, muzzle your mutt.
The Veg Pledge
As a try hard balanced journo, I did try to avoid sniping at our dear PM but the latest policy to hit the newsstand screams of statist, propagandist lunacy and deserves attention, for all the wrong reasons.
PM Brown, not content on his wonder boy status in all things politics, has moved to social ground with a new electioneering technique, (perhaps for a snap Autumn election) - conning pregnant citizens with cash.
Not unlike his ingenious handout of a strangely similar handout to pensioners a few years back in exchange for votes, Brown is to offer pregnant women a £150 hand from the state.
And no, it’s not to help pay for essentials like nappies, but for healthy eating.
It does make me wonder whether a newborn or unborn could really appreciate Jamie Oliver style propaganda .
How can this payout for the Government’s propaganda prowess, in a baby world of nappies, injections, clothes and feeding, possibly provide any real help if its restricted to organic perishables?
There are several problems with their veg pledge - if a pregnant women consumed £150 of fruit, would it not invoke an overdose of vitamin C and perhaps a nasty case of scurvy?
How also will the state be able to ensure that the money is not spent on crack, drink?
Will the money be issued in food vouchers for big organic chains where a single, free range potato weighs in at £1?
Surely the Government should set aside their citizen control and encourage them to help themselves rather than reaching for the cheque book when the going gets tough?
Another 80 million down the drain to encourage our already booming baby makers to try again for another life. Well done Labour.
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