IT'S CHRISTMAS, everybody! (clue is in the name)

It's the most wonderful time of the year and yet the Big Day on the calendar for Christians is yet again blanked by secular bible-bashers.

Who would know that in six days time, Jesus would be getting out the champers and toasting his birthday from his 2,000-year-old crib? Everyone knows it's Winter Festival time or get-out-your-purses-and-shop-til-you-drop time or my-present-is-bigger-than-yours/keep-up-with-the-Joneses-time.

Christmas isn't Christmas anymore. Our society has revamped and re-branded the festival. The name has been changed (Seasonmas), the leading lad Jesus has been swapped for a beardy old man and PC-checklist ticker, and the values of sharing, caring with your kin replaced with those far more acceptable to the ears of the members of modern society: greed, selfishness, materialism and ever-encouraged gluttony.

For the once-a-yearers like TTG, remembering Christ (y'know, the bloke who died for our sins), is all too important. But scouring the shops and charities you'd be hard pushed to realise that Christmas is all about Christ (the clue is in the name).

Stationers Paperchase, who boast a floor dedicated to cards, had a mere three religious card sets. And even one of the three dared to print the despicable and sacrilegious 'Season's Greetings'. It shouldn't be that difficult to find a simple religious token for this religious day.

Don't get me wrong, TTG isn't entirely opposed to Santa or the secular celebration of the December 25 but it should never be at the expense of Christ. Just this week we've heard of the Beeb broadcasting a nativity portraying Jesus's mum as a sex cheat, prossie and down-and-out teen mum-to-be. Then of course, the EU publishing of calendars packed with the dates of all the important dates in your Hare Krisna, Islamic, Jewish and Buddhist calendar but nothing is scrawled of note on the 25th of the 12th month.

No doubt, a godless, smug Dawkins will appear on the the telly with his Seasonmas message telling Christians how dumb they are for daring to believe in Jesus. No, channel 4, we don't want to see it.

In today's world there should be respect for the beliefs and practices of the faithless and those who want to take up a pew. But it's never there for Christianity. Shop chains always comment that there is never enough custom to justify filling their shops with nativity tat. But the customers aren't always right. Who cares if Christmas isn't profitable. There should be religious trinkets as well as your reindeers.

All I want for Christmas is ... a new appreciation for this RELIGIOUS day. Have your Scotch and be merry but please don't forget the true meaning of December the 25th - the day our Saviour was born.

Terrible Tory Girl: The Return!

TTG would like to today issue a public apology to readers old and new ... for being totally inept in updating this thing more often.

After a few mad months of failing miserably in local politics, being cut off from the modern day world (will be hooked up soon - Virgin set-up success permitting) and feeling the Blues (C'mon, DC, take a tip out of Sinitta's book and be oh So Macho!), your favourite Tory poster girl is planning her comeback on the Party scene.

Expect more bolshy (the good kind) tabloid punnage and spews on the news and unmoderated opinion. Please do add your suggestions for things you'd like TTG to do more/less of.

TTYL, luv TTG

The Pope's not a dope

God bless the most famous and reverend Benedict.

His visit may have provoked many a hissy fit from the Atheist/Jew/Proddy/Afghan/tax payer /tube rider(select which is applicable) camp and subjected Britain's Got Talent rejects but there is some good in this famous Catholick.

He's provided some laughs vith his very Germann accent but also taught our youngsters a lesson, and given them a constructive path to follow. Forget bags of money and fame, the only thing that is better than Dior handbags and bunches of fifties is becoming a saint.

Z-list fame or a prime spot in heaven? Hmm that's a tricky one.

Is it too late to renounce my Protestant views and do a when-in-Rome ...?

Get a twin room, media!

Sex, sex, sex!

That's all it has been these few weeks. Despite being an avid reader of News of the Screws, and lapping up who's dunnit with who this week, TTG is finding it all rather tiresome.

First it was William Hague and the alleged sexual aid he was getting from his aide - all because he thought it wise to save a bundle of cash or two by sharing a room while out campaigning. But apparently this innocent gesture led to all kinds of peoples' dirty minds whirring at an alarming rate as hundreds scorned the Foreign Sec for wanting to cut costs. TTG sends out her support to all those embroiled in this alleged 'scandal' or bedgate.

Then Tony Blair thought he would etch in our heads the most horrific image in since Human Caterpiller - his love life. between the sheets. with cherie. Now Terrible Tory Girl has had enough of lothario Tone's sexual healing boasts after unfortunately coming across a copy of The Sun in 2005 where the then PM revealed him and Cherie celebrated winning the election by adding four knots on the bedpost that night. TTG is still haunted by this.

No wonder Dublin threw eggs and bottles at Blair. No one needs to or ever wants to hear about you being a hot lover ... wait while TTG brings up the bile over that one.

And of course, not forgetting a balding footy pro who put his foot in it (and his football brain) by hooking up with a hooker. Now none of any of the above involved in these sex scandals are in TTG's public interest, namely because they aren't exactly the people your everyday person will think about in a lusty fashion. Sorry Will, but you're just not TTG's type.

So media, get a twin room... unless of course it's a double page spread of any of the following in their pants:

-Gerard Butler
-Colin Firth
-Johnny Depp
-George Osborne (?)

BBLB - Big Brother Government's Leadership Bollocks

*For a dumbed-down look at the Leadership, scroll down below

Is anyone else frankly bored of the L word? TTG doesn't even want to give any of these five any publicity on her respectful blog but it seems streams of paper, journalist hours and web space are being given freely to yesterday's politicians. The media should get their money's worth by putting up a paywall for these rent-a-gobs so the reporters get paid for listening to their drivel.

What scares the Terrible Tory Girl more than the verbal diarrhea these L-lists are spouting in their various shit storms (see talk about not just reaching out to the middle classes, poor sportsmanship and anything that comes out of the Hackney priestess's gob) is the talking up of the media that these pathetic politicos may once again taste the sweet nectar of Government. If there is a God, let it not be! They have had their time, they are past it. They lost this election. Not even Max Clifford could save them. Media outlets may change their views more often than TTG changes outfits but it doesn't mean that everyone else who actually matters aka the voters are so fickle.


But in true media style, voters are. So here's an analogy that anyone can understand, even this X Factor nation of ours.

Here's a recap of a fallen Government's antics

---

BB10

Day 1

Most of the Big Brother Government Housemates are in the kitchen cooking up their campaign strategies.... ZzzZzZZZz

Day 12

(Producer: Is anyone still watching this?) ... The housemates are playing up for the cameras.

Day 16

Today's task is Get Back In Power. The housemates are having trouble getting to grips with this. Ed B is sitting in the lounge while the housemates continue the task.

Day 20

The housemates are wondering what has happened to Diane. (Producer: Who cares, keep watching this freak show)

Day 22

Ex Big Brother housemate Peter has entered the house. Ed M is hiding in the garden.

Day 30

The housemates are getting ready to give their nominations. David has received the highest number of nominations so will face the public vote.

Day 36

...The public have switched off.

A Conservative guide to naming your baby

Today in little Truro, Cameron the Younger was born, a bonnie bouncing girl. As our power duo, Sam Cam and DC recover from the wonder of birth, TTG has got the name-calling down to a T.

Here's her guide for David and Sam on what to call their daughter without making any political faux-pas with the backbenchers.

In

• Beryl - Now this is up your street, Dave. Going Greek won't just boost our position in Europe but you can't go wrong with a name which means blue-green. Befitting of our logo - a keeper.
• Victoria - For Christ's sake, it even has 'Tori' in the title, it's a name that once belonged to a monarch and it's V for Victory. An all-rounder.
• Michaela - Honour your predecessor leader Michael Howard with this female form of his name
• Clementine - It was good enough for Winston, it's good enough for you.
• Margaret - A risky one. But a fantastic way to honour our Lady
• Nicole - Celebrate the Coalition union with this

Out

• Harriet - means estate. Also a name of a hysterical Labour harpy
• Yvette - Other name half of Ed Balls. Don't balls up her future with that juxtaposition
• Scarlet - red alert. Now we don't want anything that colour now!
• Anita - its meaning gives all the wrong connotations. Grace and favour flats come to mind.
• Halle - While the gorgeous Halle Berry has no problems with her name, it means home rule. Not something which has done us Tories terribly well.
• Jessy - A wealthy name. Expect outcries for a ban on her name.
• Barbara - Foreign. Forget the Sun vote if you pick this.
• Truro - (is that even a girls name?) - Don't do a Beckham, it just isn't classy
• Millie - the name of a party on its last legs.

Got a name for the Camerons? Add yours below

Australia likes theirs well hung too

Now TTG is at the outback of the queue when it comes to getting the situation down under.

From the words TTG has glanced at, it seems like the Aussies like theirs well hung too as a system ordaned with nooses seems ever apparent. Maybe there's a job here for old Nicky. Another coalition to get his teeth into, to yo-yo between should he wish to disembark after a bad week in the top office or after DC banishes him out of the media spotlight for a while.

Welsh-born leader (and therefore Muggle Aussie) Gillard who only a week or so ago suggested that Australia should ditch the monarchy once the Queen pops her regal clogs, managed to edge ahead despite a few months leading the country ... into despair. Tories this side of the continent/world have hailed Abbott (not to be confused with the shrieking Labour unhopeful hailing from Hackney) mainly for not being party of Labor's motley crew.

As Australia mirrors its Commonwealth counterpart, Britain, in cocking up its powers-to-be. Like the UK, the political climate has turned to climate change and the eco-eccentric brigade. It's good to be green, to eat green. Green is the colour etc. But Labor/Labour have always got the environment question wrong. Rudd kicked off with ratifying Kyoto and even pledged to make it financially viable to be good to the environment. But like our little bankrupt Labour party here, it was just talk, guffaw, hot air. The ETS scheme was shelved and now madame Gillard plans instead to slap a carbon tax on Australia's citizens. Sod energy efficiency, they can't afford it.
But it seems Labor just can't give up on their green guff as Gillard desperately attempts to pick off a handful of greens to add to her coalition garden. Here's hoping the greens check their track record and take a chance on the Opposition for more credible alternatives than tax, tax, tax or broken promises.


Annoying nitbit of the day:

Freddos, the smiling frog choc treat TTG so relished in her pocket money days has been hit by the recession and the effects on inflation. Once a reasonable 10p, the Cadbury chocolate sells from shop shelves for 17 pence! Day light robbery. Kraft, a complaint is in the post. Though might not reach you until you rethink the price once again.