These Labour-ing dogs need your support!

PRESS RELEASE FROM THE GONE TO THE DOGS (GTTD) FUND
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LABOURING dogs face eviction from their homes and face the next few months on the streets, begging desperately for your votes, as the polls show that a record number of Brits don't need them.

This Labouring pack has Gone To The Dogs Fund in the hope of finding new voters who will nurture, care and provide them with support and keep their bank balances afloat.

Spare just one vote or sponsor a dog and you can make a real difference to their political lives.

This week, these dogs need your help:

Gordon

Age: 58

Breed: Scottish terrier

Gordon was in a bad state when he came to us. His finances were in a mess and he was broken and bruised after his international dog friends left him cowering, paw high in the shit.

Gordon is very mistrustful and mustn't be allowed near any gold products as he has a habit of squandering, laundering and ripping them to shreds.

He is looking for someone/anyone who is prepared to entrust their faith into him and his fiscal financial policies. He needs a safe home constituency and preferably a kennel up in Scotland.

Harry

Age: 59

Breed: Harrier

Harry, who doesn't like its gender discussed, found his/her home at Gone To The Dogs Fund after fighting with the other dogs and trying to steal Gordon's job. Harry has a violent temper and is working with our staff to pass a law that all dogs cannot refer to their breeds on the grounds of discrimination.

While one of our older dogs, Harry keeps himself/herself busy and tries to force his/her dominance in the Labouring pack by weeing on her competition.

Whitaker

Age: 63

Breed: Jack Russell

Whitaker was caught up in many scraps over his long life and has been a member of the fund for several years now . A Jack of all trades, there is no job too small for Whitaker to foul up - Foreign secretary, Home Secretary, Lord Chancellor and Justice.

Darling

Age: 56

Breed: English Sheepdog

Darling is our longest resident with his career ballsed up since 1997. He is easily manipulated and controlled by his paw peers. Darling needs your help to get him to stand on his own four paws.

Prince

Age: 56

Breed: Doberman Pinscher

Dubbed the Dog of Darkness, devilish Prince, is one of our more difficult members. The money pincher pet, who has been caught taking kennels, can be aggressive and intimidating. (Especially towards Tory dogs like King George Spaniels) But in the right hands, he can be a loyal and helpful asset and is good at digging.

Smith

Age: 47

Breed: Bearded Collie

This shaggy bitch, Smith, is one of our younger additions. Smith is a possessive and stalker dog who spends her time taking other dogs' bones and snooping in their kennels. Smith however commands a lot of attention in the House Kennel with her plentiful assets - a technique that with your help, can be improved and prove vital in distracting Opposition dogs.

Eddie

Age: 42

Breed: St Bernard

Eddie, trained to rescue his pack of Labouring dogs, however needs rescuing himself. Please donate one vote to give him the training he desperately needs to appear in public without putting his paw in it.

Fight Club at the Commons

Doing the cyber milk rounds this week is the Tories ' blue tongue in cheek response to the bust up between Cabinet ex chums, small Balls and lost-his-Straw. Apparently ole Jack-in-the-money box did not appreciate a dose of public humiliation and threatened to punch the human slimeBall - a concept the public and TTG understand well particularly after his 'so what/so mean' Commons slur cover-up where the Kids minister threw his dummy out of his parliament pram and insisted on fiddling Hansard's records.

Since then, gally Bally has appeared on such swings like this one.

While the tabloids pounced with killer headline such as 'it’s Straw v Balls in ‘bust-up’ (Sun), 'Hard-hitting Balls?' (Guardian) and 'Balls. Any price' (TTG), the Tories took the story a little further by making an online game to perform banana stunts and lunges at Balls, or even his own pair.

Have a go on the punchball here.


TTG, while relishing the opportunity to punch the Labour lad square where the sun don't shine, feels it twas a shame that Straw did not draw the short one and do the public a favour by wiping that smarmy smile off his nauseating face.
As the Express said only yesterday, it would be a popular policy and one TTG would happily endorse, even if the thuggery is just representative comportement of those terrible tax leeches


What a Balls-up.

Only in a Labour Government, eh?