Good-Eye of Newt

TTG's terribly Tory gang have never had it so good. In this week alone, they've thwarted red-top politics in the land of the sheep, knocking Labour from their political pedestals in four seats. They kept their hold on to nearly 50 seats across England, set up twelve Tory camps in the councils and boasted new 256 Conserve councillors. All in a day's work. "Hyperactive politics", Gordy? Hardly.

But the Tors had their cake, ate it too with a cherry on the top, when Boris, the Toryman with one swift blow knocked King Ken out of the ring and became 2008's heavyweight Mayor of the capital.

In other news, Boris will have to spend thousands to remove the slimy, sticky residue left on Eyeball hall by a certain Mr Newt Dyingstone.

The work is not yet done. We must not stop short of our long held aim - to enter number ten and give the public a government that is compassionate, fair, and conscientious of the desires, wills, wants and needs of its people.

Only with Cameron and his cabinet can England survive.

This is the Tory mantra, given to you for the forgiveness of sins that you once voted those slimy Labour snakes in, do this in remembrance that the Tories are good for you.

In the immortal words of the Churchillian chugger of cigars and booze, the Right Honoured Winston Churchill in 'his blood, tears and sweat' speech in 1940:


"We shall fight Labour on the seas and oceans,
we shall fight Labour with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be,
we shall fight Labour on the beaches,
we shall fight Labour on the landing grounds,
we shall fight Labour in the fields and in the streets,
we shall fight Labour in the hills;
we shall never surrender."


Here's how London voted (According to wiki - approach with skepticism)

London Mayoral Election Results 2008
	Name	Party	1st Preference Votes	%	2nd Preference Votes¹	%	Final	%²
	Boris Johnson	Conservative	1,043,761	42.48	124,977		1,168,738	53.2
	Ken Livingstone	Labour	893,877	36.38	135,089		1,028,966	46.8
	Brian Paddick	Liberal Democrat	236,685	9.63	N/A
	Siân Berry	Green	77,374	3.15	N/A
	Richard Barnbrook	British National Party	69,710	2.84	N/A
	Alan Craig	Christian Peoples Alliance	39,249	1.6	N/A
	Gerard Batten	UKIP	22,422	0.91	N/A
	Lindsey German	Left List	16,796	0.68	N/A
	Matt O'Connor	English Democrats (withdrawn)	10,695	0.44	N/A
	Winston McKenzie	Independent	5,389	0.22	N/A

For more on the results, click here.

Well done Boris, now is your chance to twinkle, our bright blue star, and demonstrate just why one million Londoners were right to entrust their franchise in you.

*Gordy, the cab's waiting. Why don't you too join ole Kenny in the 'political wilderness'

-The Polls never lie.

Spews On the Not So New News – December 13-14

Welcome to the Not So New Spews On The News, hosted by the terrible girl herself. In today's post, TTG looks at Ken, Vince, the Darwins and Leona Lewis.

Sois sage, readers!


1) Ken – the Scandal play set

Play Mayor Mogul in this limited edition Scandal play set. Ken, a shadow of his once dashing self, is now Mayor of London, England. Join Ken on his adventures in the capital as he squanders cash, gives over tax payer’s money to his business friends and defends bendy buses.

Set includes the following:

1) Real tax payers’ money
2) Ken – fully poseable in any direction
3) Introducing Ken’s friend Lee Jasper, who helps look after/spend (delete applicable) London’s money
4) Two newts to get your breeding going
5) Gold-plated Oyster card holder
6) Bendy bus and posable cross rail pieces – BIY – build it yourself, London
7) Olympic stadium – not available until 2012
8) Pretend food and sincerity.

Find out more here.


2) Vincey

TTG’s fan song for her favourite Dribberal.

A political parody of Mickey by Toni Basil.

Aye Vincey
You’ve been around all Shell,
And now here in the house,
You’ve been through parties well
Settling for the Liberal blouse,
Why can’t you be leader,
So you can rid of Broon, Vincey?

Cause when you suggested blue,
And teased Brown about bank Rock,
Your public support grew,
We wait for your next mock
Every PMQ we look out for you
Vincey.


Oh Vincey you’re so witty, you don’t understand
you take the public by the heart
when you hit Mr Broon’s hind,
Oh Vincey you’re not pretty
But you’ve got a solid mind
Its MPs like you Vincey,
Oh what you say Vincey,
Say Vincey,
Don’t break our faith Vincey.



3) Bleeding Hate

Yes, TTG has joined the herd of taste-less sheep and has that wicked, sinful, perhaps even morbid tune on her T-pod and she bleeding hates it. Especially when the tune happens to pop in Miss TTG’s head in most inappropriate places, namely humming it in a coroner court.

Leona Lewis, you should be ashamed - that silver shimmery dress will do just fine. Thanks.


4) Take a (Panama) break

TTG believes we can all learn from the money-borrowers, the Darwins – the way to survival is perhaps not in your genetics but in your purse.

We have all be fooled –TTG is more than happy enough to get on the bandwagon for this monetary bonanza.

While you’re swindling cash by the handful, remember firstly, Darwin would have wanted this, secondly, it was good enough for the Hood Robin, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, er, in Panama.. and thirdly, insurance brokers make their living by grinding paupers into poverty and financial death.

TTG should fake her death more often….

PS. TTG would like to point out she is not glamorising stealing or promoting the perks of stealing from sneaky shark scoundrels. Not at all.