Archbishop of Canterbury '08

Dear Chrits, proles and the secular scores,

After the shocking revelation that the Anglican Chief is an undercover Musulman, after being caught handing out Islamophile leaflets and slamming Bibles into his furnace, Chrit Brits (all four of them) have got in the across the pond presidential spirit and have now embarked on a nationwide search for a replacement. (preferably not an Islamic Imam this time round.)

The owl-spectacled unHoly one first sparked controversy after proclaiming his love for the tree-adulters-pagan-ponces, the druids from Way-aus.

Since then, the self-confessed "hairy leftie" has taken great pains to dismiss the Bible, the nativity, ignore pilgrim pleas, put homosexuals on the pedestal and frankly support any faction that doesn't engross in Genesis.

Apparently the man, who fooled us into thinking he was the next protestant prophet on the throne, also holds dearly the view that terrorists are just like us, with "moral aims" and are certainly "not evil."

TTG saw the first signs of his conversion to Islam after Mr Rowan Will-Imams' began growing his beard and reading passages from the Qu'ran to the congregation.

As his five year anniversary sneaks up, what better way to celebrate his quinque horrendi anni (forgive the poor latin) than to shed his body (theoretically of course) and welcome the new covenant - i.e someone actually biblical.

It's the time to no longer crucify Rowan Will-Imams in the media, but for him to rise again in a new post, preferably not in God's sect.

Archbishop of Canterbury '08 - Who Will Be Your Protestant Pastor For Canterbury?

Here are the favourites to win (no gambling rates - us Chrits don't do such a thing)

1) Yorkie - The Archbishop of York, John Sentamu, was tipped back in 2003 to be the next Archbishop but narrowly lost to the Cymraegian. You may remember him from such BBC broadcasts where he ripped off his dog collar on air in protest against Robert Mugabe.

Pro: Christian

Con: He's not back at work yet as he's waiting for action to be taken against Mugabe.

2) The 'Mohammad Ali' of Christianity - Bishop of York, Michael Nazir-Ali, recepient of death threats and calls on his life for a Telegraph essay noting "no-go" areas.

Pro: Actually is Christian; has balls

Con: No support from politicians/ other faith groups

3) Care-a-lot - Ex Archbishop Lord George Carey allowed women to become priests, failed his eleven-plus and was picked by Maggie T.

Pro: Knows the ropes - Been in the job before; Doesn't want Sharia law

Con: Might be rusty after five years; now 72; called for humane treatment of Chile dictator, Pinochet.

4) Tony Bliar - Well, he's adaptable, flexible, can inspire the masses and apparently he's Christian after all.

Pro: He's one hell of a preacher!

Con: It's Tony Blair........

5) - Richard "Carbon"Chartres - The Bishop of London, the pro-green preacher, was deemed important enough to feel the wrath of Ryanair boss, Michael O'Leary: "The Bishop of London has got empty churches - presumably if no one went on holidays perhaps they might turn up and listen to his sermons. God bless the bishop!"

Pro: Been in post for an impressive 12 years

Con: Seems to be easily taken in by guv' propoganda judging by his no-carbon Lent pledge.

Get in on the action by visiting our sister site - http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=8759332774

Kind regards,

Terrible Tory Girl

Spews on the News - January 7-8

Miss Terrible Tory Girl has been away from her desk, any messages you may have sent will likely have met her pc's bin or unread while she crooned to cheesy cantatas and channeled her poison for university life into spiteful sonnets.*

Here is the (selected) news brought to you by Francesca Preece.

Haranguers and Multi-Cultural Mash

Bible basher Bishop Michael Nazir-Ali is sitting in the naughty corner after daring to mutter the first words of sanity this year on the consequence of the mish-mash, bangers and mash multi-culturalism experiment.
The right Rev has even been scolded by Lib newcomer Clegroon for talking poppycock about the "no-go Muslim areas."
While the state, the media and God's order have been quick to condemn Nazir's comments, may TTG remind readers of the infamous icebreaker 'you shouldn't come to a Muslim area' for Jacky Straw out and about in the community.
If that isn't enough to convince the doubting Thomas' out there in the UK today, look at the polls where 1/3 of the Islamic population want Sharia Law or stories in the Express.
Better yet why not see these areas Nazir-Ali is too fearful to mention in case another Crusades is on the cards - Just take the example of TTG's homestead in East London.
Before TTG is tarred with the same brush from the paint pot of scapegoatgeneralism, this area alone does contain furvent and fundamental followers of Islam.
And TTG means 'fundamental' in the sense of taking their faith seriously (more seriously than say TTG, an unconventional bibler) and leading their lives literally as according to the pages of the Qu'ran.
An impressive commitment that however on these Eastern streets can alienate and leave other ethnic residents out of place and uncomfortable with this display of ritual life.
The latter leading to discrimination.
The potent mix of a range of strong faiths with the inability of very different racial groups worldwide to join communally, creates shanty ethnic towns where certain races choose only to congregate and live with those of the same ethnic make-up.
The problem Nazir-Ali has encountered is identifying the failed ethnic exodus experiment with Muslims alone - Islam cannot take the blame entire for this sad fiasco. Other factors that he must not overlook are the socialist tradition in Britain after World War II; the secularism of the country; membership of the EU; relaxed laws and qualifications for immigration and citizenship; political correctness; no obligation for newcomers to learn the language.
According to the Bombardian, a govn'r official said Britain has had a tradition of multi-cultural communities living side by side. And for once they would not be lying...since these communities do live side by side just not entwined or integrated fully.
All TTG asks is that these namby pamby politicians wake up to reality and realise what the consequences have been for mass-immigration.
There is no use Clegg and Hague to step on to the political platform denying facts. Nor Nazir-Ali that Muslims in their entirity are to blame for the erosion of the Christian tradition.
The fact is that multi-culturalism simply doesn't work in some areas. Rather than bore bore bore, politicians must put their oratory skills to good use and get to the core core core of these ethnic barriers.
May 2008 be the blossoming of multi-culturalism.

Handy outs: Get job or forget state help

TTG is for the first time in months enthused by Tory policy. Today the Times revealed Cameron's campaign to hit the lazy right where it hurts : their pockets.
David Cameron, in cricket speech (is this a hint to his admiration of former PM and current Cricket patron, John Major, per chance?) says a Tory government will introduce a "three strikes and you're out" policy to cut state-aid to those who turn down work.
It's a start in the right direction, Cammy boy, but giving three chances will not deter many from stuffing public cash in their wallets while sitting on the sofa and watching 'Homes Under the Hammer'.
A tougher line, and politics from Victoria's reign will put those able-bodied back into their dust-covered white collars - outdoor relief.
That shouldn't intervene too much with the ECHR, Dave!

Good Gordian, You Make Me Wanna Puke

If you thought a paper could not be any more gushing and Gordy loving than Dacre's Daily Mail in recent months,check out this piece by the one and only Guardian.
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,2236250,00.html
Congrats, Guardy, I pronounce you now doting Brownose. You may now kiss his arse.
Now where's that sick bucket?

*A slight embellishment of the truth may be present