Good-Eye of Newt

TTG's terribly Tory gang have never had it so good. In this week alone, they've thwarted red-top politics in the land of the sheep, knocking Labour from their political pedestals in four seats. They kept their hold on to nearly 50 seats across England, set up twelve Tory camps in the councils and boasted new 256 Conserve councillors. All in a day's work. "Hyperactive politics", Gordy? Hardly.

But the Tors had their cake, ate it too with a cherry on the top, when Boris, the Toryman with one swift blow knocked King Ken out of the ring and became 2008's heavyweight Mayor of the capital.

In other news, Boris will have to spend thousands to remove the slimy, sticky residue left on Eyeball hall by a certain Mr Newt Dyingstone.

The work is not yet done. We must not stop short of our long held aim - to enter number ten and give the public a government that is compassionate, fair, and conscientious of the desires, wills, wants and needs of its people.

Only with Cameron and his cabinet can England survive.

This is the Tory mantra, given to you for the forgiveness of sins that you once voted those slimy Labour snakes in, do this in remembrance that the Tories are good for you.

In the immortal words of the Churchillian chugger of cigars and booze, the Right Honoured Winston Churchill in 'his blood, tears and sweat' speech in 1940:


"We shall fight Labour on the seas and oceans,
we shall fight Labour with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be,
we shall fight Labour on the beaches,
we shall fight Labour on the landing grounds,
we shall fight Labour in the fields and in the streets,
we shall fight Labour in the hills;
we shall never surrender."


Here's how London voted (According to wiki - approach with skepticism)

London Mayoral Election Results 2008
	Name	Party	1st Preference Votes	%	2nd Preference Votes¹	%	Final	%²
	Boris Johnson	Conservative	1,043,761	42.48	124,977		1,168,738	53.2
	Ken Livingstone	Labour	893,877	36.38	135,089		1,028,966	46.8
	Brian Paddick	Liberal Democrat	236,685	9.63	N/A
	Siân Berry	Green	77,374	3.15	N/A
	Richard Barnbrook	British National Party	69,710	2.84	N/A
	Alan Craig	Christian Peoples Alliance	39,249	1.6	N/A
	Gerard Batten	UKIP	22,422	0.91	N/A
	Lindsey German	Left List	16,796	0.68	N/A
	Matt O'Connor	English Democrats (withdrawn)	10,695	0.44	N/A
	Winston McKenzie	Independent	5,389	0.22	N/A

For more on the results, click here.

Well done Boris, now is your chance to twinkle, our bright blue star, and demonstrate just why one million Londoners were right to entrust their franchise in you.

*Gordy, the cab's waiting. Why don't you too join ole Kenny in the 'political wilderness'

-The Polls never lie.

Voting Out Ken For A Hero

Voting out Ken for a hero - A song tribute to the man we should all cross for our next Mayor. Make the Right choice, vote the bouffant Boris.

Besides gentlemen prefer blondes.

Sing along to the song, Voting out Ken for a hero, which sounds so very similar to Bonnie Ty's Holding out for a hero....uncanny.


Voting out Ken for a hero


Where have all the bad men gone
And where are all the quods?*
Where's the safe street Boricules
to fight the thieving squads?

Isn't there a blue knight upon a routemaster bus?
Late at night I toss and turn and yearn
of what I trust

We need Boris,
We're voting out Ken for a hero not for a fright,
He's gotta be blue
And he cannot be last
And he's gotta be fresh, not a krait.**
We need Boris
We're voting out Ken for a hero, not an anti-semite
He gotta be our cure,
and sing a new tune,
And he's gotta be larger than life.

Somewhere after poll night,
in my wildest fantasy,
somewhere in his maiden speech,
Boris won't be breaching our decree,
Racing on no blunder and not rising with cheat,
it's gonna take a Toryman to make me walk my street.

(Chorus)

Up where City hall meets bureaucracy from above,
out where there's splits in the Assembly,
I would swear that there's a suitable mayor,
Boris is he!


Through the wind end the chill and the rain
And the crowd and the crud,
I can feel his blue vote,
cross the box, it's no dud.

(Chorus)

*Quod - jail
**Krait - poisonous snake

Vote Boris and click here to see why.

Sing a long to the tune here

* P.S. Here's who TTG voted for

Mayor choice 1: Boris Johnson
Mayor choice 2: Matt O Connor (English Democrats)
London Assembly (East and City) - Phillip Briscoe (Conservative)
London Assembly (London-wide) - Christian Alliance

If you have any questions on why TTG voted in this way or complaints that she didn't instead help vote back in red Ken or his comradry, please do leave a message here.