UKIP, UKIP, hooray! Why the Tories are the real losers in Barnsley

Heard of you snooze, you lose? Well you kip, you slip ... in the polls. Poor punnage, TTG knows, but the point is clear - the Conservatives are the real losers in Barnsley.

The Conservatives saw their support tumble as UKIP snatched second place. They weren't even close - UKIP stood at 12 per cent, the Tories at 8 per cent. Many may claim that the Tories' fall was down to DC's disappearing act and his failure to publicy endorse Hockney in the last leg of the by-election showdown, but this is sadly not the case.
The Tories, who just two years prior had been sailing on 17 per cent, fell on their sword this week. For voters, the ballot paper might as well list two boxes: Lib/Lab/Con and none of the above. There is no choice. Do you vote for more of the same (better the devil you know), or spoil your ballot paper? Centralisation teamed with media-happy, watch-what-you-say and soundbite rhetoric has left us with an army of walking, talking, smiling political humanoids whom have no concept of reality, real struggles or life.

The Conservatives lost in an election they really should be winning. Granted it may be a Labour hotbed and one of their so-called safe seats but they could have capitalised on the ills of the right unhonourable Eric Illsley, the disgraced MP now housed in prison for his work in his constituency. Voting share should have gone up but instead it dwindled to a party that has seen better days. What does that tell you? It's more than just bashing over cuts too close to the bone. It's a voter mutiny, crying out for us to stand up to Europe and their bent bananarama, human rights for animals laws. This is not just a by-election in Labour heartland, it is a a by-election that could cost the Conservatives (when they do it their way in the not so distant future) dearly at the next General.

The Lib Dems whether they opted to snuggle up to Labour or us would have always been the losers in the various tournaments in the political tug of war. It's far too easy to pin the tail on the Lib Dem donkeys for the ills of the Coalition. Namby pampy pot-planting Liberal types resent the Democrats' path to power and their to-ing and fro-ing of policy (i.e student fees), and angry ex Labour voters don't want to admit that they voted for this. Lib Dems are losers - sorry, but it's a fact. Just look at their by-election records. Nothing to write home about.

The lesson the Tories must take from this is that we will get stick as the Guvnors and we will feel this at polls to come. But the impact of these will be less if we get our house in order. We must stick to our pledges - no more 'we can't because of ECHR/EU/*insert applicable get-out-clause laws-here' excuses. A promise is a promise. You must keep your word. Labour failed in their promises -we must make sure that we don't do the same.


Cameron, the Barnsley people have spoken. It's time you listened.

The Laboural Democrats offer as much change as a 99p store. Get more for your money with a Tory government

There's a reason why there's a smile on Gordon's face lately - Nick Clegg put it there.

His polished performance and promises of change (excerpt from St David Cameron's gospel) have gone down well with the public and Brown couldn't be happier.

Brown wants Britain to be hung, drawn and quartered. For him, he can at last have a scapegoat of his very own to pass the parcel of responsilibity on to when the riverbanks burst or birds get a cold. Bringing in the very best of the shadows of the shadows ad lib would also give him the chance to oust his rivals like the Milibros. Also with a boost for Clegg, there will be more recruits to their Lib-Lab harem. A strong, cross-party fortification to keep the Tories out of their House. And to keep common sense away from waging power in the country. United, Labour's ally, the Lib Dems, can help to push the Tories firmly back into the Opposition ditches.

For years, Lib Dems and Labour have coincided peacefully in their respective habitats - sharing their votes to stop the Tories from getting a piece. TTG's mum bore witness to their tactics when a rosy-dozy canvasser came to her door. 'Can I count on your vote'? 'Certainly not!'
'Will you be voting for the Liberal Democrats because that is a vote for us too'. Evidently with the bright brain TTG's mam has on her shoulders, she caused the woman to shriek as she revealed her penchant for the Tory way of doing things. She never did come back to the TTG household. This story, however small, shows that this brotherhood is right at the roots of these two parties who stick together through thick and thin. They are essentially joined at the hip - their policies are one. The Father, the Son and the Liberal spirit. That's Labour's liturgy.

Publicly, they are at odds but behind closed doors, the two are all in this together to keep one or both in power in a pact to keep the Tories out. They probably don't chill with a beer to watch the game together or go out on the tiles to boogie on a Saturday night. They're aquaintances.
The two parties are staffed with similar political species. Hypocrisy and envy pump through their veins while their heads are filled with a socialist utopia ideal and dreams where reality never darkens their presence. They both believe a money tree really exists (China, you say?) and that handing over British passports like shop loyalty cards can only be a good thing.


There is no change with a party who works with Labour. The Conservatives have CHANGED, for good. It's no ploy, or PR stunt. We are progressive and have responded to the desperate cries of a public calling for something other than what we've got now.


If you want something different, different politics, different approach, different values, beliefs and creeds, then look no further than the Conservatives.


Vote for the Conservatives and you're voting for that change.

Porn again Liberals

The bird truly has left the nest. The Liberal Democrats have spruced up their party with a spot of spring cleaning in time for their conference today.

Gone is their little birdie and in is porn baroness Anna Arrowsmith and a spanking new logo that wouldn't go amiss on an Aquafresh toothpaste packet.




Fresh out of ideas, eh, Lib Dummies?

*UPDATE: Seems the yellow bellies forgot a big part of their slogan when building the blocks of their British bloc. 'Fair' appears nowhere in their little party - not a single MP is from an ethnic minority- what a whitewash it is! Check out Ollie Cromwell's post on this here.

Clegg's hung like a donkey

Surprise, surprise, ole bed troubler Cleggover WILL join Labour's love-in if this dying government wears a noose come May.

Despite the little lefties not Labour's biggest fans most days, the chance to achieve their dream of power, real power, seems too good an opportunity to miss as they camp out again at Gordon's.

But by backing Brown for a hung parliament, they are simply leaving their policies at the door of No.10.

Clegg really is possibly the most indecisive leader of the liberal (little L because they are not worthy of a cap) demoprats of all time. TTG wonders how he manages to even choose what to have for breakfast each morning-he just dilly dallies about, dithering (maybe there is something in common with him and his Brown chum after all), and backtracks on policies, littering speeches with soundbites that may have worked with a heavyweight Commoner but not with mousey Clegg, a second-rate, poor man's Cameron.

Voters may moan about the Tories but at least they have someone and KNOW someone to whom to direct their ire. Can't say the same with the liberals. Name their front bench ... got a handful yet? TTG has got 3, maybe 4 and that's pushing it.

How do they expect the great depressed Britons to know? You could always rely on the one policy party to sprout crap about PR. We knew what they stood for, even it was just the one thing. But it seems with their stable 17 per cent, the Lib Dums are prepared to support the government of the day, provided of course it's Labour ... they may stretch to the Tories though - political opportunism doesn't rule that out. Perhaps Mr Invisible thinks he will finally be known in the public eye - fame by association?

While TTG should probably open up her arms to Clegg for his support should we be hung, TTG would rather strip off to her undies in Parliament Square. Our party is one of hope. We're not settling for a hung parliament - we are working towards becoming the next Government.

Vince Cable is their trump card but while TTG is sure he is a very nice man, he too can't seem to make his mind up about the economy but him and Nick can't resist a sneak dig at our plans.
Do we really want to pick up these boy-wonders from their so-called talent pool to sit with us at our table, making policy?
We already have the best in the business on our bench - why pick Almunia when you can have Fabregas?

TTG's point is that we will never surrender our policies, our beliefs and politics just for a seat in power.

Like their logo, their policies have flit, fluttered away as have their credibility as Clegg limpets on to Brown. They may have moved off the bench but they've flown right into the Labour nest.

The worrying thing is that so many, sick of Labour yet even sicker of the Tories deem the liberals as an option but it really is a wasted vote.

You're voting for a hung parliament and you're voting for another five years of Labour assisted by the policy-defunct, liberal cheerleaders prepared to support ANYONE for a shot to sit in the hot seat. We simply can't let this happen.

The choice is clear. If you want Labour in, vote Labour. If you want Labour in, vote Liberal Democrats. If you want Labour in, don't vote. End this cycle by voting Conservative.

Feed the Dems (Do they know it's Christmas time?)

It's that time of year and Terrible Tory Girl's heart bleeds for the Liberal Democrats. The waster votes are hardly a conspicuous lot at times but they don't deserve to be shunned and forgotten.

In the spirit of goodwill, Miss TTG has dedicated this special version of hit charity song 'Feed the World' to the basketcase Dribberals in the hope of generating some publicity for the yella fellas.

Any publicity is good publicity, right?

Here is TTG's gift to you, the gift of song:



Feed the Dems (Do they know it's Christmastime?)

It's Christmastime,
There's no need to be afraid,
At Christmastime, we forget fights and count our aid
And in our world of gentry we can win seats with our boys
Throw your arms around the Dems at Christmastime

But say a prayer


Pray for the other ones
At Christmastime it's hard, but when your election's won
There's a sect outside your window
And it's a sect of dread and fear
Where the only cash wad flowing is the bitter sting for peers
And the Christmas votes that swing there are the hanging councils of doom
Well tonight thank God it's Dem instead of you

And there won't be dough in Cowley St this Christmastime
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
(Oooh) Where support never grows
No reign, delivers low
Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

(Here's to you) raise a glass for everyone
(Here's to them) ridiculed and politically shunned
Do they know it's Christmastime at all?


Feed the Dems
Feed the Dems

Feed the Dems

Let them know it's Christmastime again

Feed the Dems
Let them know it's Christmastime again

Treasury Island

Treasury Island

(Inspired by those irritatingly amusing Orange Ads at the cinema.)

Scene 1:
A producer goes to the Blue Caricature Board to pitch the revamp of the cult children’s classic, ‘Treasure Island’ on the big screen.


Pitcher: It’s a story of pirates, treachery, friendship and gunfights...

Terrible Tory: Ah sounds quite a lot like the Lib Dem fiasco. Minus the pirates, add several pent-up squabbling politicians and tah, dah, a modern adaptation of the child hit. I call it, Treasury Island.

Pitcher: But Treasure Island was written by Stevenson - there wouldn’t have been those looney left dum-dums nor a Treasury. It’s defunct.

Terrible Tory: I can see it now. An epic adventure across political stormy waters to track down the treasure - the parliamentary leader crown. And for the cast? Well Charles Kennedy can be the infamous Captain Flint with an apparent fondness for the rum (empty bottle motions) then there’s Campbell who’s a dead ringer for Billy Bones, Gillie Bones to you, geddit?
(pitcher frowns)… Ming, the ex-pirate, who checks into the Admiral BenBow, which can be changed for LibDemWoe, to hide from the one legged man. Leg, Clegg? It has a ring to it. Here steps/hops in Nick Clegg as Long John Silver - the protégé pirate...

Pitcher:… (Interrupts) But but…Nick Clegg is not a pirate. When do you see him out in the seven seas???

Terrible Tory: Seven Seas salt of course in the Commons canteen. Besides like that Island book by Robert whats-his-face, Clegg was keen to get his hands on that treasure. Even kill with his bare hands….Didn’t peg leg Clegg say he was hunting for the treasure even before the treasure was up for grabs? Fishy…

Pitcher: I don’t see how this is relevant. Campbell may be jibed for his age by the ruthless press, but he sure the hell wasn’t around in Stevenson’s time!
Terrible Tory: Modern day, pitcher! Get with the picture. (ha) So Clegg steps in as the role of Long John Silver, the popular and dashing pirate. Clegg’s perfect. He was voted sexiest MP you know? Even beating that Cameron one…maybe we can get him in this, as an extra..I like it.

Pitcher: We wouldn’t need him either! We need actors not politicians.
Terrible Tory: (Grins) Aren’t they the same thing? So where was I, yes, cast Clegg, then the main character James Hawkins, the other Liberal treasure hunter Chris Huhne.

Pitcher: Have you in fact read the book?

Terrible Tory: My boy, who needs books when you have film? So Huhne’s the impressionable teen pirate at the inn on Cowardly Street…

Pitcher: I believe the lib HQ is on Cowley Street and if you knew your politics, you’d know that Huhne is 53!

Terrible Tory: Good thing you’re here to keep to the facts. Wow, this film is sounding exciting.

Pitcher: (protests) But, but, the facts are that it is a Stevenson novel about pirates! Not politicians, not Clegg not Huhne. They’re not important! (screams)

Terrible Tory: (Ignores protests) Then there’s the part of Ben Gunn…the pirate abandoned on the island….we need a cheeky one, almost comical who was keen on the treasure in the past. I got it. Gosh, I’m a genius. Used to date a weathergirl off the telly and now a popster….

Pitcher: I think you mean Opik, but it wouldn’t matter because this film surprisingly wouldn’t have him in the cast credits either! Stick to the story. Stick to the script.

Terrible Tory: Don’t worry, I am. So, er, our hero Huhne, the shy and awkward Hawkins sets sail with Clegg and co. for the party prize hidden in the Treasury Island. Huhne meets Opik - bound to be a hit with the chick vote - who promises to help them.

Pitcher: Are we even reading from the same script?

Terrible Tory: So yeah, that Cable geezer can play Captain Smollett, who gets shot when Clegg and co turn out to be the demons, Lib Demons. Nice.
Pitcher: Have you even read the book, one page, one sentence? Hawkins finds out that Clegg, I mean, One Legged John Silver wants to kill them. (breathes sharply) Silver discovers he knows the truth and offers a truce, their lives for the route to the treasure.

Terrible Tory: Ya-di-ya, I get the picture pitcher. Our Huhney and Clegg get the treasure with the help of Opik. The next day, the treasure is gone and so too is Clegg…he’s run off to share it with Cameron!!
Huhne decides not to go looking for it again. The end. Fireworks. The works. Bravissimo.

Pitcher: That’s it, I’m off to Fox - even they could not destroy the book anymore than you. (storms off)

Terrible Tory: Shiver me timbers, pitcher, watch out for that plank!

Terrible Tory: (among colleagues) Wow that pitcher was nice. So what was the next film, a feature length of that kid clad tv whiz chef show - Big Cook, Little Cook - Big Crook, Little Cook ? What do you say to our prem starring and the late red haired Cook?….

DON’T LET FRANCESCA RUIN YOUR BOOKS. PLEASE SWITCH HER OFF.