IT'S CHRISTMAS, everybody! (clue is in the name)

It's the most wonderful time of the year and yet the Big Day on the calendar for Christians is yet again blanked by secular bible-bashers.

Who would know that in six days time, Jesus would be getting out the champers and toasting his birthday from his 2,000-year-old crib? Everyone knows it's Winter Festival time or get-out-your-purses-and-shop-til-you-drop time or my-present-is-bigger-than-yours/keep-up-with-the-Joneses-time.

Christmas isn't Christmas anymore. Our society has revamped and re-branded the festival. The name has been changed (Seasonmas), the leading lad Jesus has been swapped for a beardy old man and PC-checklist ticker, and the values of sharing, caring with your kin replaced with those far more acceptable to the ears of the members of modern society: greed, selfishness, materialism and ever-encouraged gluttony.

For the once-a-yearers like TTG, remembering Christ (y'know, the bloke who died for our sins), is all too important. But scouring the shops and charities you'd be hard pushed to realise that Christmas is all about Christ (the clue is in the name).

Stationers Paperchase, who boast a floor dedicated to cards, had a mere three religious card sets. And even one of the three dared to print the despicable and sacrilegious 'Season's Greetings'. It shouldn't be that difficult to find a simple religious token for this religious day.

Don't get me wrong, TTG isn't entirely opposed to Santa or the secular celebration of the December 25 but it should never be at the expense of Christ. Just this week we've heard of the Beeb broadcasting a nativity portraying Jesus's mum as a sex cheat, prossie and down-and-out teen mum-to-be. Then of course, the EU publishing of calendars packed with the dates of all the important dates in your Hare Krisna, Islamic, Jewish and Buddhist calendar but nothing is scrawled of note on the 25th of the 12th month.

No doubt, a godless, smug Dawkins will appear on the the telly with his Seasonmas message telling Christians how dumb they are for daring to believe in Jesus. No, channel 4, we don't want to see it.

In today's world there should be respect for the beliefs and practices of the faithless and those who want to take up a pew. But it's never there for Christianity. Shop chains always comment that there is never enough custom to justify filling their shops with nativity tat. But the customers aren't always right. Who cares if Christmas isn't profitable. There should be religious trinkets as well as your reindeers.

All I want for Christmas is ... a new appreciation for this RELIGIOUS day. Have your Scotch and be merry but please don't forget the true meaning of December the 25th - the day our Saviour was born.

Have yourself a Terrible little Christmas

It's Christmas time everybody and if the closing of Woolies, tin-packed streets of bag laden shoppers and the trashy Christmas cheese carols haven't put you off, you might too feel festive.

With just one day til C-day, Terrible Tory Girl failed miserably to send cards to her adoring fans ;)

TTG hopes this non-PC, non Winter Holiday card is suffice.


Hope Yule have a merry Christmas


Terrible Tory Girl

Feed the Dems (Do they know it's Christmas time?)

It's that time of year and Terrible Tory Girl's heart bleeds for the Liberal Democrats. The waster votes are hardly a conspicuous lot at times but they don't deserve to be shunned and forgotten.

In the spirit of goodwill, Miss TTG has dedicated this special version of hit charity song 'Feed the World' to the basketcase Dribberals in the hope of generating some publicity for the yella fellas.

Any publicity is good publicity, right?

Here is TTG's gift to you, the gift of song:



Feed the Dems (Do they know it's Christmastime?)

It's Christmastime,
There's no need to be afraid,
At Christmastime, we forget fights and count our aid
And in our world of gentry we can win seats with our boys
Throw your arms around the Dems at Christmastime

But say a prayer


Pray for the other ones
At Christmastime it's hard, but when your election's won
There's a sect outside your window
And it's a sect of dread and fear
Where the only cash wad flowing is the bitter sting for peers
And the Christmas votes that swing there are the hanging councils of doom
Well tonight thank God it's Dem instead of you

And there won't be dough in Cowley St this Christmastime
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
(Oooh) Where support never grows
No reign, delivers low
Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

(Here's to you) raise a glass for everyone
(Here's to them) ridiculed and politically shunned
Do they know it's Christmastime at all?


Feed the Dems
Feed the Dems

Feed the Dems

Let them know it's Christmastime again

Feed the Dems
Let them know it's Christmastime again

Everybody, it's not Christmaassssssssssss!

Mourning the death of Christmas and the magic she brought to children across the world, there follows a news broadcast by the Terrible Tory Girl. Stay tuned.

Good God: Christmas found dead

The spirit of Christians’ most celebrated holiday has been savagely ripped apart, entrails and all, TTG can reveal.

The true meaning of Christmas was discovered in the early hours of December 25 dead as a doornail, overshadowed by the hand of commercialism.

It is widely believed that the spirit took its life following the Arch Greenpeace disciple’s climate message, appalling television and incessant reruns of buy-me-quick ads.

TTG found the spirit’s battered body after helping "Santa" deliver his gifts.

TTG was too shocked/too full of festive food/ too incensed into the monetary message (delete applicable) to comment.

A Conservative Carol

In the run-up to the opening of the last of the advent calendar doors, a revelation came sprinting to the terrible Tory – that her years of tory-related troublemaking have met their maker according to a political poll.

This year’s terrible tat came in the form of an online compass outing her as a no-good leftie better suited in the Cheka than the Commons.

Here boys and girls TTG tells the tale in her new book, A Conservative Carol (not based on the similarly named A Christmas Carol) of the crisis of faith in her chosen leader.

Blurb of the book:

Emma-Louise Stooge is a disillusioned, self-orientated ex supporter of the Conservative party.

Miss Stooge has lost her once furvent spirit for the party faction’s leader Cameron and faces a future of debauchery, treachery and employment in Labour ranks.

On one fateful night, the ghosts of parliament past, present and future, pay Miss Stooge a visit to tell her that if she doesn’t change her ways or donate x amount to the party, her contempt for the Conservative candidate will eventually lead her to batting for the left side. Featuring cameo appearances from all your favourite Tories of the past.

Here to celebrate the release of the book ‘ A Conservative Carol’ is some extracts taken from Chapters 79-90.

Extract

‘As the Conservative ghost of future led her to a box-shaped chamber, TTG saw her alter/older self, sipping costly champagne and ornating the Commerical Christ’s feet with her auburn hair.

In the back of the room, red rosettes glistened and the graffited pictures of Conservative prime ministers served on the open fire.

"But ghost of Conservative future, this can’t be true! I could never tear away my traditional roots and plant myself firmly in the enemy’s patch."

"My dear stooge, I came from humblest origins, working for my father in his corner shop…."

Stooge interrupted sharply. "I don’t see how your origins relate in my tale, do you?"

The Ghost of Future pursed and scrunched her lips to a parallel pout as she opened her handbag and peered inside.

Handing a wallet-sized card, she said: "Here dear Stooge is what becomes of the broken hearted and conviction-less. You are reduced to a membership card of the dreaded and dreary Labour party. Even the miners weren’t this difficult!"

The Ghost breathed through a sneer and added as they looked on at the scene of men and women pocketing shares of the nation’s notes.

"If you have any hope of being saved from this site of sin, you must jolly well entrust your support in our candidate Davey!"

Emma Louise stooge exhaled a sorry sigh as she turned to find the ghost of future had run off into the night.

With head and shoulders lowered in a terrible sulk, Miss Stooge returned to her bed chamber with a right notion implanted firmly in her mind…’