Going, going, gone....for Gold...

....The Gov give the athletes a run for their money.


Olympiorum finum - thank fuck!


Finally after the longest two weeks in history, the pro British farce has come to an end, with our top athletes (all dames and dukes you know) coming in at a measley 4th. By the constant politburo style propaganda, you would have thought Britain was topping the league but no, we suck, per usual.

The sad Brit flag anaraks aside, Brown and Boris made what should be a joyful experience for cynics like TTG into one from hell. Necking something strong before hitting the stage, Boris proclaimed "ping pong is coming home" before Brown, who had evidently gone too far in smuggling laughing gas, beamed like the Cheshire cat with a smile lined with slime and oozing with sleaze. Their little shacking up on the stage won the gold for cringeworthiness, with our disastrous stereotype cheese bus routine coming in at silver and Cuban taekwondo pro picking up the bronze for his kicking of the ref.

TTG is quite partial to that type of irony. Perhaps she could whack all the sad viewers of this terrible spectacle with her laptop before that gets stolen.

Puzzling TTG even more was the inclusion of pop tart Leona and David Beckham. Yes David is a footballer but last time TTG checked football wasn't an olympic event, it's not even a proper sport with the players kicking bags of money from one team pitch to another.

TTG supposes on the count of money that the Olympics is not much different-a contest to see who can waste the most dosh on a pointless exercise. In the immortal words of Ozzy-God bless- Osbourne, why pay a fortune when we can watch a man run around a track for free at the gym?

Gordy, this may have been your chance to get to your soapbox to pledge the wonder of Pro-Britain but isn't it funny how the big games to be hosted in our home hovel will not come out of every Briton's pockets, only those unlucky to live in the South East. Even Gordy won't have to pay for it, being in his native Scotchland. TTG bets thats why he is smiling so.

Your sadness makes him smile

SMILE - A song by Gordon to his public:

When you first left me I was wanting more
But you were voting that guy next door, what cha do that for (what cha do that for)
When you first left me I didn't know what to say
I never been on my own that way, just sat by myself all day

I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my Chinese friends
I found an Olympic light in the tunnel at the end
Now I'm calling you up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
And it's only because you're feeling alone

At first when I see you cry,
yeah it makes me smile, yeah it makes my smile
At worst I feel bad for a while,
but then I just smile I go ahead and smile

Whenever you see me you say that you want me back
And I tell you it don't mean jack, no it don't mean jack
I couldn't stop laughing, no I just couldn't help myself
See you messed up my mental health I was quite unwell

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Mrs DemenTed

Carol, stop making money out of your mother's name! We know Mrs T has dementia so stop snatching milk from the public cash cow. Go get lost in the jungle. What happened to respecting your parents? Journalists, eh? They'd sell their own mothers for a story. Or eat a bull's testacle...


MacDough-gal


So that explains why Brown was so quick to show his respect for the dead Dougal. He quite half fancied hushing the part where the late MP had wanted to sue the hell out of the gov for refusing to pay up compensation for the disease that killed him.

Why couldn't the gov pay up? They happily spend our money on Jags, flats, everything and the kitchen sink. Does a jag really mean more than a life?


Home Office Losers

43 laptops? 94 mobiles? Why on earth do we let out the House of Commons to such a bunch of losers?

Is this New Labour's latest policy to cut down on crime figures by er, "misplacing" the evidence?
They're not the smartest criminals TTG has seen. At least wipe the memory sticks or have a list of passwords, other than the mundrane password. Even block mobiles...

Whoops. Did TTG just give the gov ideas on how to rid of their incriminating stash?

It's strange they are having a real difficulty looking after their computers (just say no to taking them home with you). They didn't have a problem with rigging ballot papers, did they, eh?

BRITAIN’S IN THE GOLD: SECOND MEDAL WON

Going for gold... Gordon in race

Britain has won a second gold medal just minutes after cyclist Nicole Cooke pedalled to success earlier today.

Dawdler Gordon Brown, who is prime minister by night, scooped the gold prize after beating world leader records of staying put in one spot for over ten years.

The stubborn Scot, despite reports of the sportsman not being in shape and not up to the job, beat off no opposition to remain in the top spot.

Critics in the public jeered that ‘he was a bottler’ after he failed to show for the contest last October.

While the one-man contest is legit under contest rules, Brown still proves to be unpopular in the sportsworld.

Joe Bloggs said: “He didn’t even give Cameron (Brown’s rival) a chance. He never had to face the public – how is that democratic?

Bloggs added.” He’s like a bad smell, he refuses to go whatever you do. Opinion polls across the country have said he should give up the game but he refuses to listen.”

Britain’s answer to Musharraf

Brown, who at 57 is young in the immobile world, however has had support from former prime athlete, Mrs Thatcher who hopes he sticks to his guns and stays until at least 2010.

Brown rose to motionless success after training Tony Blair in the sport. Mrs Thatcher, in her prime, had managed to stay put for eleven years, a personal best beat by Brown’s student in 2007.

Gordon, who has been hit by controversy in the past after claims he had stolen his rivals’ techniques, is confident he can beat his new record.

Rival David Cameron is set to pip Gordon, 13 years his senior, once Gordon sets the date of the next contest.

But as Alex Salmond, Scottish champ said: "I've got news for David - I don't think there's going to be an imminent general contest somehow."