TERRIBLE TORY GIRL

Why super-injunctions are great!

2011-04-27T12:25:00.004+01:00

Terrible Tory Girl is in a mischievous mood. Today's Total Politics blog is inspired after too many years of reading reaction to a footballer's affair or a star caught with their trousers down.

She argues FOR super-injunctions and why they serve a basic service that some celebs should be entitled to have.

Read it here

TTG blogs for Total Politics

2011-04-20T20:29:00.005+01:00

Need your next fix of Terrible Tory Girl? Don't despair! Help is at hand from the lovely people at Total Politics.

Over the past few weeks, TTG has lent her name as part of the new bloggerati on TP's new beta site. (it's worth a look - click here)

So far, TTG has hit out at the big, bad British Airways, slammed the ever-Crowing Bob and even sparred with fellows at Oxford.

Click on the URL below to see all my blog posts so far, including my latest offering on the big AV debate.

http://www.totalpolitics.com/blog/bloggers/francesca-preece/

Don't forget to let me know what you think by leaving your comments below.

The Government's 1 penny sale

2011-03-24T12:37:00.009Z

The Government's fantastic Budget-saving sale is back!

Come in store to take advantage of these offers this March. Here are some of best offers you'll find in the Government's 2011 sale:

Pay ... 4p extra on your pint

Get ... £205 saving on your income tax

Pay ... 50p more on your ciggies

Get ... Govt help to get on the housing ladder

Pay ... 4 % in inflation

Get ... £600 extra in your personal allowance

Pay ... 1 % more in National Insurance

Get ... 1p off your petrol (+ avoid 5p increase!)

Pay ... a lump sum to charity from your estate

Get ... 10 % off inheritance tax

Terms and conditions: Housing deposit scheme is subject to availability and is on a first come served basis. Personal allowance offer excludes pensioners. Petrol prices shown have increased this month after VAT. Customers may have to pay an extra 1 % service charge on all purchases. Fuel offers are only available at some outlets.

TTG's Alternative View on electoral reform

2011-03-15T21:54:00.015Z

AV you had enough of all this?

It's a struggle just to get people motivated to even bother to turn out to their polling station. Now a full-blown fight of the polar wings is taking place over AV. In the red corner, we have the yes men. A growing group, counting Ed Milibland as a new recruit to the cause.

Their argument is that 'it's fairer, easier, ... and just one step away from PR, yippee!'

In the blue corner we have the Nos. The Nos reveal how obscure little countries like, Fuji and er, Australia only use the system. And bemoan a reported eye-watering £250mil cost ... (Pro-AVOs may claim the cost has been exaggerated but let's be honest, when do you ever see a project stay within budget? If the MoD can spend £22 on a lightbulb, then £250m can be spent telling people to count to five.)

At a time when voters cry out for a different referendum entirely, voters are being asked to get inspired and excited by trendy AV - the Alternative Vote.

The Electoral Reform Society has explained it pretty well on their website:

If a candidate receives a majority of first-preference votes (more people put them as number one than all the rest combined), then they are elected.

If no candidate gains a majority on first preferences, then the second-preference votes of the candidate who finished last on the first count are redistributed. This process is repeated until someone gets over 50 per cent.

However having seen how the electorate vote in their ballot papers as a candidate, TTG regrettably isn't sure the electorate are quite ready for this rank and file process. More voters than you'd think ticked, scribbled and numbered their ballot boxes despite a clear X appearing on pamphlets. Considering that number crunching is oh so important in an AV world, how is this helping to reform our system for the better? What, by increasing spoilt ballot papers so nasty parties like the BNP can't get in because their voters can't seem to vote properly?

What happens if a voter just ticks her five boxes, will that mean the ticks are measured in size with the biggest meaning her main preference and the smaller in order, her next choices? TTG jests obviously. But are there any provisions to allow people to make their preferences clear other than writing 1, 2, 3 ...? Can voters scrawl 'I really want Labour, but I wouldn't mind Lib Dems. UKIP are a last resort?' Is that clear voter intention?

If normal people already struggle to cross a box, what hope is there for citizens writing their 1-5 clearly and non-nonsensically? There is plenty of voter education out there for this system and yet even now people get it wrong. TTG knows of two people who looked for 'Tory' on their ballot papers and when not finding 'David Cameron' accidentally gave their vote to the BNP. These may be isolated cases, yes, but the point is if a simple cross is one voters struggle to bear what hope is their for first, second, third and whatever choices.

And what on earth is the ranking for? The least bearable? The candidate we would most like to see with his trousers down? When TTG goes shopping, she normally has a set pair of heels in her mind. She doesn't have a back-up dress in Topshop that she will get if she can't find those shoes. She is adamant that the shoes will be hers. It's all or nothing. AV forgets that people usually have just the one person or party in mind. Will we be penalised for only listing our absolute faves or must we really put those clogs on the list too? Will a UK AV allow choice to choose to rank as many as we wish or will we not get a choice to not choose more than one candidate?

Whatever talk there may be of tactical voting disappearing off the political landscape, there is an uneasy feeling in TTG's stomach giving her second preference to say a Lib Dem in a marginal. What if other Tories did the same and after a close encounter in the second round, head-to-head the Lib Dem picked up more 1st and 2nd choices overall - would TTG want this on her conscience? :-P

Maybe it's because TTG is so terribly Tory and hellbent on tradition but there is something quite right about the fastest sprinter winning the race. Clarity and simplicity are small pleasures in life. TTG wouldn't want the race to be replayed and the mean speed of each sprinter taken to see who ran the fastest on average in the track. Call TTG dumb, stubborn, whatever but she's a stickler for FPTP.

In TTG's perhaps warped way of looking at things, the person who gets the most votes should therefore be the winner. There's a reason they got their votes. They didn't just appear from thin air, well most of them didn't anyway. That candidate obviously was wanted by more people. Just because the smaller part of the community can't quite decide who they want, it doesn't mean that the winner's votes should be discounted.

If you want to make politics fairer, why not change the constituency boundaries, reduce the number of MPs, vote with your heart, make postal voting a last resort, have security checks at the polling station ... there's plenty that can be done to make the system better than changing our Xs.

Last time we had an AV, Boris got in. Are you sure, Labour fans, that this is what you want? :-D

Maybe it's just you and your supporters are so up-to-speed on AV, using it to pick your leaders.(well that worked well didn't it, erm Labour and Liberals?)

Can't teach an old dog new tricks, eh?

A year's a short time in politics .... for Barnsley's Right Dishonourable Eric Illsley

2011-03-14T17:50:00.015Z

Crime pays, eh, Eric?

Ex Barn-sleazy MP Eric Illsley, who was jailed for a year after questionable claims on his second home in February, may soon return to a street near you. The member of prison is reportedly set to scarper from a year's hard sentence behind bars by opting for a tag, just three months into his sentence.

Apparently he is a low-risk crim ... but with curfew hours 7am t0 7pm, don't be surprised if there's a knock, ring, letter through your door in prime time campaign clock hours.

While he may wave goodbye to those long late luncheons, it beggars belief that the strong actions of a parliament scorned by expense scandals were to be in vain. For the one and only politician to feel her wrath is set to escape punishment. It is hardly a strong message to convey - do as we say, not as we do? Why should an MP get a lesser sentence than your everyday criminal?

He's hardly Kylie. Honour your sentence, Eric. Stick it out in the slammer. It's what the electorate wants.

At the same time, News of the World reports that IPSA fancy handing over expense cash and asking questions later in their bid to erm, ensure legitimate claims are kept in tact.

Expect more Mars Bars on the books. Who's going to question the constitutional need for a Mars Bar? 'Well, I needed it to keep up energy while out on the campaign trail ...'

Clarke's hell-bent on being an anti-hero for the Tories

Clarke is fast becoming a nuisance. When he's not closing prisons at the tip of a hat or getting petty apologies for petty thefts, he is busy embarking on another harebrained scheme destined to be a miss with the tabloid nation. Last week it was scrapping searches in prison cells.

Is he going soft in his old age? London Spin Online asked whether it is time he was put on the subs bench in place of an ex-MP who could dish out real justice - the kind the public are clamouring for in these dark and unpleasant times.

But with his recent good behaviour notably getting behind the No2AV campaign - even if in a slightly absurd vid about the madness to follow in the footsteps of obscure countries like Fiji, and er, Australia - and his recent talk of libel laws and scrapping squatters rights, Mr Clarke, could well be on the way to getting his fifteen minutes of public adulation. Watch this space for his next prisoners need Sky gaffe.

EU referendum is fairer than AV

Forget whether to AV or not to AV. EU membership is the question. The Daily Express headed to No 10 this week with 373,000 pleas from readers for their say on our position in the continent.
Whatever your stance, a key pledge to allow the public to go to the EU ballot has been unfairly ignored in favour of AV - a small concessionary waste of time to please a few Lib Dems and act as a distraction technique with referendum in the title. It may be a referendum but it's not what 373k voters (and counting) asked for last May. A fairer system would honour politician promises. AV may make some confused lefties happy come election day but a whole section of the electorate are being ignored under the weight of protocol. Laws have been reviewed, torn up and amended for centuries. You can't hide behind the ratification argument for ever.

UKIP, UKIP, hooray! Why the Tories are the real losers in Barnsley

2011-03-06T08:39:00.003Z

Heard of you snooze, you lose? Well you kip, you slip ... in the polls. Poor punnage, TTG knows, but the point is clear - the Conservatives are the real losers in Barnsley.

The Conservatives saw their support tumble as UKIP snatched second place. They weren't even close - UKIP stood at 12 per cent, the Tories at 8 per cent. Many may claim that the Tories' fall was down to DC's disappearing act and his failure to publicy endorse Hockney in the last leg of the by-election showdown, but this is sadly not the case.
The Tories, who just two years prior had been sailing on 17 per cent, fell on their sword this week. For voters, the ballot paper might as well list two boxes: Lib/Lab/Con and none of the above. There is no choice. Do you vote for more of the same (better the devil you know), or spoil your ballot paper? Centralisation teamed with media-happy, watch-what-you-say and soundbite rhetoric has left us with an army of walking, talking, smiling political humanoids whom have no concept of reality, real struggles or life.

The Conservatives lost in an election they really should be winning. Granted it may be a Labour hotbed and one of their so-called safe seats but they could have capitalised on the ills of the right unhonourable Eric Illsley, the disgraced MP now housed in prison for his work in his constituency. Voting share should have gone up but instead it dwindled to a party that has seen better days. What does that tell you? It's more than just bashing over cuts too close to the bone. It's a voter mutiny, crying out for us to stand up to Europe and their bent bananarama, human rights for animals laws. This is not just a by-election in Labour heartland, it is a a by-election that could cost the Conservatives (when they do it their way in the not so distant future) dearly at the next General.

The Lib Dems whether they opted to snuggle up to Labour or us would have always been the losers in the various tournaments in the political tug of war. It's far too easy to pin the tail on the Lib Dem donkeys for the ills of the Coalition. Namby pampy pot-planting Liberal types resent the Democrats' path to power and their to-ing and fro-ing of policy (i.e student fees), and angry ex Labour voters don't want to admit that they voted for this. Lib Dems are losers - sorry, but it's a fact. Just look at their by-election records. Nothing to write home about.

The lesson the Tories must take from this is that we will get stick as the Guvnors and we will feel this at polls to come. But the impact of these will be less if we get our house in order. We must stick to our pledges - no more 'we can't because of ECHR/EU/*insert applicable get-out-clause laws-here' excuses. A promise is a promise. You must keep your word. Labour failed in their promises -we must make sure that we don't do the same.

Cameron, the Barnsley people have spoken. It's time you listened.

Work for free? That's a bit rich

2011-02-18T06:48:00.011Z

It's a cut throat world out there in Fleet Street.

In one of the most competitive industries in the world, getting your chance to shine is a task not to be taken lightly.

The recession has done little to ebb the insatiable desire to know as more and more wannabe journos pile out onto the streets.

Students go to any means to stand out from their competitors; multi-coloured CVs, sandwich-boards and even posting letters day and night to prove their worth.

You'd think we were auditioning to be the next Cheryl Cole with her champagne luxe lifestyle. Instead a poorly-paid career sitting in front of a computer screen, scrawling on a notepad at speed and late hours await. The news never stops and nor do we.

Journalism is a labour of love. We forget the poor wages - some regional presses offer newly graduated men and women to join their papers a meagre £12,000-a-year - forget the hardship to get there and stick to our mantra, no pain no gain.

But far worse than the pressures of the recession are the latest obstacles determined to end young journos' reporting dreams for good.

Now media companies want to play wage limbo with reporter hopefuls - how low will you go to get your job?

With many starting positions in the region of £17,000, (forget London weighting!) can anyone afford to be a journalist anymore?

While on a placement at newspaper union, the NUJ, talk was rife of a work experience code - the plan to make employers pay the minimum wage for budding journalists.

Journo who I am?

As someone who has done their fair share of free work and gladly, TTG feels that it is time journalists got a cut for their efforts. What newspapers seem to forget is that most young journos, often twenty-something students aren't exactly rolling in it.

They have barely enough to buy a few cans of baked beans, let alone enough change to scrape together a train ticket or accommodation while they do their commute to an often London-based establishment. It just isn't feasible. Yet the pressure is on for grads to do long-term internships, some lasting up to a year, with a fiver here and there to keep you watered and fed. Employers cry out for experience but how are you meant to get experience if you can't first afford the experience? It's a vicious circle but like the idiom says, money makes the world go round.

The Conservatives came under fire -and rightly so - just last week after an internship was put up for a charity auction with the winning bid a whopping £8k. What message is this giving young people, like TTG perhaps, who just can't afford to pay up for an opportunity? Have the media finally conceded that journalism is now a career for the few? Should adverts come with the disclaimer 'working class graduates need not apply?' Considering the work and effort and time journalism involves, from university study and NCTJs to endless tea-making and voluntary work, shouldn't employers give us a break? (hopefully a paid one)

With editorial staff cut to the bone, small companies simply can't afford to give trainees a wage. In these hard times, that is understandable but how are nationals allowed to afford the same privilege? An editor at one of the nationals bluntly told me 'why would we pay someone when hundreds will do it for free?' Living in London doesn't come cheap and wages in the workplace should reflect the toll of Capital life.

If the Government wants to help get youngsters into work, they need to remedy this. Internships and experience are all well and good but funding MUST be there to help those who simply can't afford the cost of self-improvement.

Young people aren't afraid of a little hard work, they just need a little boost now and then.

European Court accused of the brutal killing of British Democracy

2011-02-10T23:27:00.007Z

BRITS were mourning the death of democracy today just hours after she was found dead by friends and family.

Police have lined up a suspect, believed to be Europe, who was seen at the scene of the crime wielding a ECHR tome.

British democracy, who has been described as "fair and caring", was left for dead in Westminster.

Democracy had fallen into a coma and was kept alive with high levels of hope.

But doctors switched off her life support just a few hours later after failing to find any brain activity

Suspect European Court will be interviewed by police later today in connection with the death of British democracy.

Police have issued a statement calling for anyone to come forward with information or evidence which may help the case.

They have released details of a man in his 40s, believed to be called David, who was seen fleeing the scene.

Do you know this man?

IT'S CHRISTMAS, everybody! (clue is in the name)

2010-12-19T11:23:00.014Z

It's the most wonderful time of the year and yet the Big Day on the calendar for Christians is yet again blanked by secular bible-bashers.

Who would know that in six days time, Jesus would be getting out the champers and toasting his birthday from his 2,000-year-old crib? Everyone knows it's Winter Festival time or get-out-your-purses-and-shop-til-you-drop time or my-present-is-bigger-than-yours/keep-up-with-the-Joneses-time.

Christmas isn't Christmas anymore. Our society has revamped and re-branded the festival. The name has been changed (Seasonmas), the leading lad Jesus has been swapped for a beardy old man and PC-checklist ticker, and the values of sharing, caring with your kin replaced with those far more acceptable to the ears of the members of modern society: greed, selfishness, materialism and ever-encouraged gluttony.

For the once-a-yearers like TTG, remembering Christ (y'know, the bloke who died for our sins), is all too important. But scouring the shops and charities you'd be hard pushed to realise that Christmas is all about Christ (the clue is in the name).

Stationers Paperchase, who boast a floor dedicated to cards, had a mere three religious card sets. And even one of the three dared to print the despicable and sacrilegious 'Season's Greetings'. It shouldn't be that difficult to find a simple religious token for this religious day.

Don't get me wrong, TTG isn't entirely opposed to Santa or the secular celebration of the December 25 but it should never be at the expense of Christ. Just this week we've heard of the Beeb broadcasting a nativity portraying Jesus's mum as a sex cheat, prossie and down-and-out teen mum-to-be. Then of course, the EU publishing of calendars packed with the dates of all the important dates in your Hare Krisna, Islamic, Jewish and Buddhist calendar but nothing is scrawled of note on the 25th of the 12th month.

No doubt, a godless, smug Dawkins will appear on the the telly with his Seasonmas message telling Christians how dumb they are for daring to believe in Jesus. No, channel 4, we don't want to see it.

In today's world there should be respect for the beliefs and practices of the faithless and those who want to take up a pew. But it's never there for Christianity. Shop chains always comment that there is never enough custom to justify filling their shops with nativity tat. But the customers aren't always right. Who cares if Christmas isn't profitable. There should be religious trinkets as well as your reindeers.

All I want for Christmas is ... a new appreciation for this RELIGIOUS day. Have your Scotch and be merry but please don't forget the true meaning of December the 25th - the day our Saviour was born.

Terrible Tory Girl: The Return!

2010-12-05T11:27:00.004Z

TTG would like to today issue a public apology to readers old and new ... for being totally inept in updating this thing more often.

After a few mad months of failing miserably in local politics, being cut off from the modern day world (will be hooked up soon - Virgin set-up success permitting) and feeling the Blues (C'mon, DC, take a tip out of Sinitta's book and be oh So Macho!), your favourite Tory poster girl is planning her comeback on the Party scene.

Expect more bolshy (the good kind) tabloid punnage and spews on the news and unmoderated opinion. Please do add your suggestions for things you'd like TTG to do more/less of.

TTYL, luv TTG

The Pope's not a dope

2010-09-18T10:52:00.002+01:00

God bless the most famous and reverend Benedict.

His visit may have provoked many a hissy fit from the Atheist/Jew/Proddy/Afghan/tax payer /tube rider(select which is applicable) camp and subjected Britain's Got Talent rejects but there is some good in this famous Catholick.

He's provided some laughs vith his very Germann accent but also taught our youngsters a lesson, and given them a constructive path to follow. Forget bags of money and fame, the only thing that is better than Dior handbags and bunches of fifties is becoming a saint.

Z-list fame or a prime spot in heaven? Hmm that's a tricky one.

Is it too late to renounce my Protestant views and do a when-in-Rome ...?

Get a twin room, media!

2010-09-08T00:25:00.003+01:00

Sex, sex, sex!

That's all it has been these few weeks. Despite being an avid reader of News of the Screws, and lapping up who's dunnit with who this week, TTG is finding it all rather tiresome.

First it was William Hague and the alleged sexual aid he was getting from his aide - all because he thought it wise to save a bundle of cash or two by sharing a room while out campaigning. But apparently this innocent gesture led to all kinds of peoples' dirty minds whirring at an alarming rate as hundreds scorned the Foreign Sec for wanting to cut costs. TTG sends out her support to all those embroiled in this alleged 'scandal' or bedgate.

Then Tony Blair thought he would etch in our heads the most horrific image in since Human Caterpiller - his love life. between the sheets. with cherie. Now Terrible Tory Girl has had enough of lothario Tone's sexual healing boasts after unfortunately coming across a copy of The Sun in 2005 where the then PM revealed him and Cherie celebrated winning the election by adding four knots on the bedpost that night. TTG is still haunted by this.

No wonder Dublin threw eggs and bottles at Blair. No one needs to or ever wants to hear about you being a hot lover ... wait while TTG brings up the bile over that one.

And of course, not forgetting a balding footy pro who put his foot in it (and his football brain) by hooking up with a hooker. Now none of any of the above involved in these sex scandals are in TTG's public interest, namely because they aren't exactly the people your everyday person will think about in a lusty fashion. Sorry Will, but you're just not TTG's type.

So media, get a twin room... unless of course it's a double page spread of any of the following in their pants:

-Gerard Butler
-Colin Firth
-Johnny Depp
-George Osborne (?)

BBLB - Big Brother Government's Leadership Bollocks

2010-09-01T00:41:00.007+01:00

*For a dumbed-down look at the Leadership, scroll down below

Is anyone else frankly bored of the L word? TTG doesn't even want to give any of these five any publicity on her respectful blog but it seems streams of paper, journalist hours and web space are being given freely to yesterday's politicians. The media should get their money's worth by putting up a paywall for these rent-a-gobs so the reporters get paid for listening to their drivel.

What scares the Terrible Tory Girl more than the verbal diarrhea these L-lists are spouting in their various shit storms (see talk about not just reaching out to the middle classes, poor sportsmanship and anything that comes out of the Hackney priestess's gob) is the talking up of the media that these pathetic politicos may once again taste the sweet nectar of Government. If there is a God, let it not be! They have had their time, they are past it. They lost this election. Not even Max Clifford could save them. Media outlets may change their views more often than TTG changes outfits but it doesn't mean that everyone else who actually matters aka the voters are so fickle.

But in true media style, voters are. So here's an analogy that anyone can understand, even this X Factor nation of ours.

Here's a recap of a fallen Government's antics

BB10

Day 1

Most of the Big Brother Government Housemates are in the kitchen cooking up their campaign strategies.... ZzzZzZZZz

Day 12

(Producer: Is anyone still watching this?) ... The housemates are playing up for the cameras.

Day 16

Today's task is Get Back In Power. The housemates are having trouble getting to grips with this. Ed B is sitting in the lounge while the housemates continue the task.

Day 20

The housemates are wondering what has happened to Diane. (Producer: Who cares, keep watching this freak show)

Day 22

Ex Big Brother housemate Peter has entered the house. Ed M is hiding in the garden.

Day 30

The housemates are getting ready to give their nominations. David has received the highest number of nominations so will face the public vote.

Day 36

...The public have switched off.

A Conservative guide to naming your baby

2010-08-25T00:10:00.004+01:00

Today in little Truro, Cameron the Younger was born, a bonnie bouncing girl. As our power duo, Sam Cam and DC recover from the wonder of birth, TTG has got the name-calling down to a T.

Here's her guide for David and Sam on what to call their daughter without making any political faux-pas with the backbenchers.

In

Beryl - Now this is up your street, Dave. Going Greek won't just boost our position in Europe but you can't go wrong with a name which means blue-green. Befitting of our logo - a keeper.
Victoria - For Christ's sake, it even has 'Tori' in the title, it's a name that once belonged to a monarch and it's V for Victory. An all-rounder.
Michaela - Honour your predecessor leader Michael Howard with this female form of his name
Clementine - It was good enough for Winston, it's good enough for you.
Margaret - A risky one. But a fantastic way to honour our Lady
Nicole - Celebrate the Coalition union with this

Out

Harriet - means estate. Also a name of a hysterical Labour harpy
Yvette - Other name half of Ed Balls. Don't balls up her future with that juxtaposition
Scarlet - red alert. Now we don't want anything that colour now!
Anita - its meaning gives all the wrong connotations. Grace and favour flats come to mind.
Halle - While the gorgeous Halle Berry has no problems with her name, it means home rule. Not something which has done us Tories terribly well.
Jessy - A wealthy name. Expect outcries for a ban on her name.
Barbara - Foreign. Forget the Sun vote if you pick this.
Truro - (is that even a girls name?) - Don't do a Beckham, it just isn't classy
Millie - the name of a party on its last legs.

Got a name for the Camerons? Add yours below

Australia likes theirs well hung too

2010-08-23T21:35:00.005+01:00

Now TTG is at the outback of the queue when it comes to getting the situation down under.

From the words TTG has glanced at, it seems like the Aussies like theirs well hung too as a system ordaned with nooses seems ever apparent. Maybe there's a job here for old Nicky. Another coalition to get his teeth into, to yo-yo between should he wish to disembark after a bad week in the top office or after DC banishes him out of the media spotlight for a while.

Welsh-born leader (and therefore Muggle Aussie) Gillard who only a week or so ago suggested that Australia should ditch the monarchy once the Queen pops her regal clogs, managed to edge ahead despite a few months leading the country ... into despair. Tories this side of the continent/world have hailed Abbott (not to be confused with the shrieking Labour unhopeful hailing from Hackney) mainly for not being party of Labor's motley crew.

As Australia mirrors its Commonwealth counterpart, Britain, in cocking up its powers-to-be. Like the UK, the political climate has turned to climate change and the eco-eccentric brigade. It's good to be green, to eat green. Green is the colour etc. But Labor/Labour have always got the environment question wrong. Rudd kicked off with ratifying Kyoto and even pledged to make it financially viable to be good to the environment. But like our little bankrupt Labour party here, it was just talk, guffaw, hot air. The ETS scheme was shelved and now madame Gillard plans instead to slap a carbon tax on Australia's citizens. Sod energy efficiency, they can't afford it.
But it seems Labor just can't give up on their green guff as Gillard desperately attempts to pick off a handful of greens to add to her coalition garden. Here's hoping the greens check their track record and take a chance on the Opposition for more credible alternatives than tax, tax, tax or broken promises.

Annoying nitbit of the day:

Freddos, the smiling frog choc treat TTG so relished in her pocket money days has been hit by the recession and the effects on inflation. Once a reasonable 10p, the Cadbury chocolate sells from shop shelves for 17 pence! Day light robbery. Kraft, a complaint is in the post. Though might not reach you until you rethink the price once again.

Get behind Nick and David

2010-08-21T19:24:00.003+01:00

Like juicy Five Alive's singing dodo, this political pun-dit and right wing extraordinaire is"alive, I'm doing my thing, I'm alive".

TTG has returned to the Tory pride after months of reflection in a post-Labour world, a failed bid to clean up local politics and the rise of the nutters - aka a new breed of Labour luvvies programmed with memory loss of the last 13 years.

Rest assured this lady's not for turning her back on her principles, her pride and policies. After 100 (or is 104?) days of friendly and not so friendly fire and a real sense of distrust for our new politics, TTG feels it is time the party for once recognised our political partnership. Former bed hopper Clegg with his nuclear nonsense and totally rad grad tax trollop may not fit in our neat stereotype of good government but by heck, don't we need this Liberal laddy. What we must remember is that if it wasn't for Nick, we would not be taking this country back on track. We would still be the cold, heartless rent-a-gobs toffs who allegedly wrecked this country. Do we want to preserve this unfounded opinion shared by so many voters? We can prove our weight in gold, yet again. Forget left, right, centre, Libertarian, authoritianism.

Get behind Nick and David. You might just come to like it

Finally we've got the Coalition of the Wanted

2010-05-12T05:13:00.004+01:00

Today couLd be the greatest day in my life is something TTG is sure Take That's Gary Barlow will be humming to himself on this historic day.

It all suddenly seems worth it. All the years teased and attacked for holding Conservative values, all those years in opposition and growing up under the watchful eyes of New Labour. Now, David Cameron, a top bloke, finally has the reigns of power propped up by the Liberal Democrats in the first of its kind.

TTG is proud of all we have achieved to make history and finally get the government we deserve - one wanted by the public by either number of votes or seats.

Lib Dem supporters everywhere, don't turn away from this incredible partnership. You have a taste of power, and the real chance to have the policies you have long campaigned for see the light of day. A Lib Lab paddy wack congealed Rainbow coalition would be more like the TV show than a real form of government. Labour weren't willing to compromise and they never would have. Cameron has given you a share of the club - you're not just a rubber stamp. You can now scrutinise from within than without.

It's a Dave new world as The Sun says and let's hope Cameron and Clegg keep the courage, faith and determination needed to make it work.

Let this be the last post for the Labour party

2010-05-04T22:43:00.009+01:00

Electoral fraud. Huh. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. It'll come to no surprise to you that days before P-Day, another postal crisis has hit the country. Not content with getting the support through sheer hard work or the right way, some councillor candidates feel they shouldn't leave their fate in voters' hands.

The papers have put Tower Hamlets, known for appearing in Private Eye more times than weve had hot dinners, on the map this election after a poor Indie journalist got a beating after investigating one electoral sum that just didn't add up. TTG is from Tower Hamlets and as a candidate, knows the golden rule : Don't touch the postal vote, don't even breathe on them or even think about them. While TTG and her running mates did the election proper, knocking on doors and leaving leaflets in letterboxes, the same can't be said for her counterparts.

From addresses with 18 votes to one, inhabited, with six people apparently anticipating to cast their vote, it is not just the odd case of picking a postal vote or two. Nearly 30 cases have been reported in this borough, target number 52 for Labour.

Rather than use this an excuse to call for the heralded PR, the ninth wonder of the political world, (because frankly this fraud is like a bad smell and won't disappear with a new system), let us stamp out this disgusting display of desperation and criminal activity by setting up some real restrictions as to who should get a say by licking a stamp. Only the infirm, disabled and housebound should be entitled to a vote, only a letter away. Everyone else, unless you have a solid excuse with proper evidence to your absence to back it up, tough. The polls are open from 7am til 10pm at night! Most polling stations are in earshot or not far from your walk home and the whole process takes a measly minute, if you know who you're voting for already.

If electors can't be bothered to make it to the polling station, they don't deserve to have a say in their community or take advantage of its benefits. The Suffragettes died for their franchise and the working classes fought so TTG and her readers could exercise their say without fear of patronage or their status. We all have a duty to vote so you bloody well must, in their memory if not for anything else. Even if it's to spoil your ballot or to waste it, you must express your opinion in the only way that counts. Hit your politicians where it hurts - the ballot box.

In paper tradition, Terrible Tory Girl, is coming out in support of the Conservatives. Quelle suprise! Those businessmen and women can't be all wrong and the Tories are the only party advocating a return to stronger society, a neighbourhood, strong family backgrounds and a return to rewards for the hardworking. Under a Conservative government, you won't be penalised for wanting the best for yourself and your family. You will be encouraged to thrive not just survive. The Tories aren't just shoving the defecit under the carpet for someone else to deal with and they're not giving up on our future.

Don't hang Britain out to dry. For a decisive, inclusive and supportive government, look no further than a Conservative one.

The floater voter's guide to good government

2010-04-26T18:31:00.028+01:00

Not made up your mind yet for this May 6th? Unsure whether to stick with the Devil you know, the Labour party? Rooting for the new and recently improved (as of last Thursday) Lib Dems? Want a bit of RESPECT in your life and a regular bus service to ferry George Galloway and co around with loudspeakers? Or is bigotism the dish of the day in your household with the BNP? Considering a vote for bush with the Greens? Or a crack at the indie record with UKIP?

So many parties, so little time! With just over a week 'til you cast your eye over the hundreds of leaflets pouring from your letterbox, it's no easy feat trying to make your mind up while you hold back the canvassers counting on your vote.

So TTG will make it easy for you. Here's the best policies of the lot.

Businesses

Want to Work For Yourself but worried about being crippled by tax costs? This party pledges to Cut Corporation Tax rates; the main rate from 28p to 25p and the small companies' rate from 22p to 20p.
All new businesses won't have to pay Employers' National Insurance either in their first year.

Community

Moving from the big state, to the big society

Ability to come together to address local issues if your local council isn't doing its job e.g. including enabling parents to open new schools, letting neighbours take over local amenities like parks and libraries that are under threat, giving the public greater control of the planning system, and enabling residents to hold the police to account in neighbourhood beat meetings

16 year olds can sign up to a volunteer programme to pick up skills, meet people and improve their communities

Additional English classes so language is no longer a barrier in society; teach our children the history of this nation and celebrate St George

Cleaning up politics

Reform our system by reducing number of MPs

the right to recall misbehaving members and sorting out any differences over boundaries and constituency sizes

Cap on donations to all parties to put sleaze to bed; also new rules on lobbying

English MPs will have right to vote on English issues

Want a bill put through for consideration? This party will allow you to submit legislation and referenda requests

Council tax too high? Veto any excessive rises with this party

Councillors will have to reveal all their spending and contracts online

Climate change

Making it easy to go green with over £6k for each household for energy improvements

Keeping a check that we have plenty of supplies of electric and water so government can cope in a national crisis

Cut Government's carbon footprint by 10 per cent within just one year. On your bike, MPs!

Communities who run on renewable energy will be rewarded greatly by keeping their business rates they generate for six years.

Creation of cleaner nuclear power stations

Crime

No more red tape; fewer forms to fill out and more bobbies on the beat to fight crime just as they were trained to.

Culture, media and sport

An independent BBC -yes, really!

Scrap of the 'phone tax'

Superfast broadband nationwide by 2017 - silver surfers to be on the rise

Olympics to inspire a nationwide competition in schools to encourage kids into sport

Defence

Our Boys serving in Afghanistan will receive bigger bonuses

Give serving soldiers the right to vote

Defence reviews to make sure your money is being spent in the right places and is used effectively

Economy

Stop the planned National Insurance rate increase for everyone earning under £35k

Begin work of tackling our deficit and not by brushing it under the carpet.

9 out of 10 first time buyers will not have to pay Stamp Duty

Inheritance Tax only for millionaires

Marriage will be recognised in the tax system

Crackdown on bankers' bonuses

Environment

Prepare Britain properly to face floods with better defences and only necessary building in flood-prone areas

Maintaining green belts and the introduction of nationwide tree planting

Europe

Maintaining of membership of the EU; working with European countries to face global poverty and global warming
A UK Sovereignty Bill to keep our authority over United Kingdom's laws of the land

Family

Recognise civil partnerships and marriage in the tax system

Flexible parental leave so men can be stay-at-home daddies

Support pensioners by protecting things like the winter fuel payment, free bus passes and free TV licences
Free nursery care for pre-school children

Greater access rights for the extended family and grandparents

Farming

Shoppers will know if they're buying British with better labelling

Farmers will get a fairer deal with the selection of an independent supermarket ombudsman to ensure fair competition for consumers and farmers

Serve up farmers' food in our schools and hospitals.

Health

Increase spending on the NHS every year

Give patients the right to choose their doctor or hospital

Free dental checks for five year olds and more people to have an NHS dentist

People first, not targets; Ensure best new drugs are free on the NHS where possible

Housing

Abolish HIPs which make selling homes more difficult

More part-own schemes to make it cheaper to go on the housing ladder

Right to Move schemes to allow tenants in social housing to exchange homes in other areas

Building of more family homes with gardens and parking

Immigration

An annual cap on workers coming overseas (outside EU) with needed skills jumping in front of the queue

Border police to actually POLICE our borders and keep a check on who comes in and out

English test for people coming in to this country from outside the EU

Jobs

200,000 apprenticeships for teens to kickstart their careers

Allow unemployed young people to go on the Work Programme to help them find work after just six months

Mentors to help people volunteer and loans for would-be entrepreneurs to start a business

Anyone who is offered a job that they can do and refuses it will have their benefits cut

Justice

Prisoners will have to earn their release through education and rehabilitation

Scrap ID cards

DNA doesn't belong to government and this party plans to only store DNA belonging to offenders

No early release - Increase prison spaces instead

Pensioners

Home protection scheme to stop older people being forced to sell their homes to fit the bill for residential care

Two year council tax freeze

Schools

Discipline to return to the classroom; head teachers can search pupils, give them detention and exclude unruly pupils

Teachers will have to get top grades to train

Creation of independently run schools by local communities, faith groups and charities

Universities

A bonus for paying back student loan early

10,000 extra places at university

extra 100,000 college places

Community Learning Fund to help adults in new careers

Did you agree with any or most of the policies* above?

If so, congratulations, you share the same ideas to get this country moving in the right direction. Voting Conservative would be the best option for you if you want any of the above as they are all Tory ideas.

Conservatives: A deal too good to miss

* The policies above all feature on the Conservatives 'What we stand for' page This is not an extensive list but just TTG's fave and all-rounded policies which can and will work for you.

The Laboural Democrats offer as much change as a 99p store. Get more for your money with a Tory government

2010-04-22T22:29:00.015+01:00

There's a reason why there's a smile on Gordon's face lately - Nick Clegg put it there.

His polished performance and promises of change (excerpt from St David Cameron's gospel) have gone down well with the public and Brown couldn't be happier.

Brown wants Britain to be hung, drawn and quartered. For him, he can at last have a scapegoat of his very own to pass the parcel of responsilibity on to when the riverbanks burst or birds get a cold. Bringing in the very best of the shadows of the shadows ad lib would also give him the chance to oust his rivals like the Milibros. Also with a boost for Clegg, there will be more recruits to their Lib-Lab harem. A strong, cross-party fortification to keep the Tories out of their House. And to keep common sense away from waging power in the country. United, Labour's ally, the Lib Dems, can help to push the Tories firmly back into the Opposition ditches.

For years, Lib Dems and Labour have coincided peacefully in their respective habitats - sharing their votes to stop the Tories from getting a piece. TTG's mum bore witness to their tactics when a rosy-dozy canvasser came to her door. 'Can I count on your vote'? 'Certainly not!'
'Will you be voting for the Liberal Democrats because that is a vote for us too'. Evidently with the bright brain TTG's mam has on her shoulders, she caused the woman to shriek as she revealed her penchant for the Tory way of doing things. She never did come back to the TTG household. This story, however small, shows that this brotherhood is right at the roots of these two parties who stick together through thick and thin. They are essentially joined at the hip - their policies are one. The Father, the Son and the Liberal spirit. That's Labour's liturgy.

Publicly, they are at odds but behind closed doors, the two are all in this together to keep one or both in power in a pact to keep the Tories out. They probably don't chill with a beer to watch the game together or go out on the tiles to boogie on a Saturday night. They're aquaintances.
The two parties are staffed with similar political species. Hypocrisy and envy pump through their veins while their heads are filled with a socialist utopia ideal and dreams where reality never darkens their presence. They both believe a money tree really exists (China, you say?) and that handing over British passports like shop loyalty cards can only be a good thing.

There is no change with a party who works with Labour. The Conservatives have CHANGED, for good. It's no ploy, or PR stunt. We are progressive and have responded to the desperate cries of a public calling for something other than what we've got now.

If you want something different, different politics, different approach, different values, beliefs and creeds, then look no further than the Conservatives.

Vote for the Conservatives and you're voting for that change.

David Cameron's not too hot, not too cold - he's just right

2010-04-16T08:29:00.006+01:00

The public aren't blessed with Goldilocks' ability to give each of the parties' policies a spin before she settled for one set but the first Leaders Debate was meant to come close to that experience.

As assumed, the night was yet another episode of Westenders with the characters exchanging blows and jeers in the name of a debate. While Nick Clegg nodded and shook his head ferociously, whining like a scorned child, to Cameron's right, Brown stood grinning like the Cheshire cat as salt was thrown into his public record wounds. Cameron was a piggy in the middle, a gooseberry as the love-hate relationship between Nick and Gordon became more apparent. It seemed that the two men were having their first jitters as Nick furrowed his brow and denied any backroom action between the two. Clown to the left of him, joker on the side, David Cameron was stuck in the middle attempting to give justice to the word debate. He was calm, collected, listened for instruction and was respectable to his counterparts as they spoke.

But if live reaction polls are anything to go by, Cameron failed. Because his team of supporters didn't sit in a certain HQ, keen as mustard, clicking away to boost their leader's profile. The joke however was on Gordon as he stood, lies pouring from his mouth as he said he'd put more police on the streets (after being prompted by David), that our troops were well equipped, that "net inward migration" was being cut.(maybe that's the long suffering Brits who left for a life in Marbella!) If anyone now can still after seeing this spectacle, cross the box for Gordon, TTG would worry for their fitness to even vote. After 13 years of doing nothing, he has the courage to insist he's up for electoral reform - when it suits him. The party have called for a radical shake-up of politics when they were in short trousers, back in the days of them in Opposition. Yet they now say they'll do something about it, after 13 years of having the opportunity to do so.

Does this not tell you something about Labour? Can you trust their word when they have given us promises again and again and not delivered them?

On the opposite side of the coin, we have Clegg who has plenty of policies (some good, mostly bad) but none have any legs to them. They are not acheiveable. Even David Cameron himself said he'd love to give the public the ability to earn £10,000 before being taxed but he can't promise it because he knows he can't deliver it. Nick's class size idea is fantastic because it's true that kids perform better when there's more attention from their teachers. There are big class sizes not because of the schools, but because there are more children than there are seats. If we didn't have the demand and pressure of so many children to educate, then we could do this but we can't. Build more schools and independent ones which don't have class quotas with the Conservatives and you can achieve this.

Then there's Clegg's big idea of immigration: allow employers to recruit from Europe or elsewhere if they need a certain skill (perfectly acceptable) but they can only have freedom to work and roam in one region. TTG knows that Clegg has spent most of his life abroad sunning it up in Brussels and the like but has he noticed that it takes only 12 hours to get across one side of the country to another. What happens if a skilled doctor got a job in the North but lost it and couldn't find work in that region but there was an opening in London? Would he say that she can't work down South and would instead have to have no job? This barmy policy of the liberal army is hardly liberal.

We have a happy medium in David Cameron. He's not a preachy, screechy sancitmonious finger pointing politician like Gordon's friend, Nick and he's not a bolshy, cold, compassionless hardline man of politics willing to keep himself in a job at all costs like Gordon.

Do you want promises that are too overstretching and unachievable under the Lib Dems?

Or no promises at all, with Labour?

Or do you want the middle ground - the best of both worlds?

Cameron is the porridge that isn't too hot, the chair that isn't too big and the bed that is not too hard.

For a real choice, real policies, what you see is what you get with David Cameron.

Today marks the end of our Phoney Election War ... now the real fight begins

2010-04-06T12:16:00.011+01:00

Brown has finally declared war. After months of speculation and bitter heated poster sabotage and blow exchanges, the tired, worn-out son of a preacher finally revealed the date when the election explosions begin - MAY 6TH 2010.

Now is the time our army of activists reach out to the public for their support, to take up arms of literature and equip ourselves with pledges as we hit the war-torn streets.

We have no time to lose, Tory troops. Time is of the essence. Our objective? To back Britain at all costs and to put Britain back firmly under the democratic control of the Conservatives.

As we march out our commanders to the borough battle fronts, we must bring out our policy reserves to assist us in this campaign to oust out this rebel force which for too long has seized our assets, our state and strangled our future in its socialist grip.

Rebel group, Labour, will use guerilla and dirty tactics but we must not lose sight of our goal. We fight to the death of Labour control, and rule.

Our country needs you to back our Chief in Command, David Cameron, this May 6th.

Do you want the bad news? Brown's going nowhere

2010-04-01T11:39:00.010+01:00

Wonder why the election hasn't been called yet? And why there's no pressure on Brown to do so? Apparently Brown has uncovered a loop hole where he can postpone the election in the event of a war or time of economic strife. Despite Labour's calls that the recession is over, the figures tell otherwise and despite our continental neighbours pulling out of the red, the truth is that we are still heavily stuck in a recession rut.

With the polls putting Labour and Conservative neck-in-neck and the Lib Dems not far behind, Gordon Brown can put the argument forward to the Queen that the country is too unstable to have an election where the outcome is likely to result in a weak administration and/or hung parliament.

It is thought that he can therefore push the election date back to six months, even as late as October. It makes TTG's blood boil - all that door knocking in snow, sleet and rain to discover that it won't be happening after all. It is disgraceful and TTG hopes her readers will support her campaign to put pressure on the government not to cave in to this ridiculous loophole. It is the action of a dying administration determined to hang on at all costs. A sad day for British democracy.

Get Labour out now!

*UPDATE - This is of course an April Fool's but knowing Brown, it's not totally detached from reality.

Budge it, Darling. We'll take over from here

2010-03-24T08:37:00.008Z

It's B-day. The day where Labour are gonna tell us it's all gonna be okay, that they're gonna get their magic wand and wave away our debt with spending sprees galore as they sweep away their responsibility and care under the carpet for a rainy day or for the next government to deal with.

Whatever Alistair says today, be it taxes on bankers (are you serious, Darling?) VAT, breathing, or selling off the country's china, you can guarantee that it will not be good enough to sort out our coffers crisis. Labour got us in this mess and they sure aint the ones to get us out. I'm afraid Darling it doesn't work like that.

So expect plenty of talk about how they are going to help the young ones - more university places, more jobs, expect plenty of piffle about how their prudence won the day or about their cash sweeteners for old dears. But while you listen to Darling as he announces Labour's big ideas to fix Britain's broken economy, as he shakes his fist proudly, arches his only-thing-in-the-black-in-Labour eyebrows, just think for a moment before you get swept up in their waves of self-deluded optimism.

DID LABOUR DELIVER THEIR LAST BUDGET, OR THE BUDGET BEFORE, OR THE BUDGET BEFORE THAT?

Labour can do the talk but as you've seen, with our country flag in tatters, our soldiers dying unnecessarily as they're sent out to war without vital bullets or protection, crime and drugs rife on our streets, young people who can barely get a job, let alone their home, Labour can't walk the walk.

There's nothing Labour can do now to help Britain even if they suddenly pulled out prosperity out of a hat - they've lost the trust and respect of the public and now it's time they passed the baton of power onto their stronger rallying partner, the Conservatives.

They've come to the end of their course - now we need a change of play.

Friends re-Unite-d: Brown to say 'I do' to civil union with Whelan

2010-03-16T16:24:00.005Z

GORDON BROWN in civil union shocker with close pal, BA bloke Charlie Whelan.*

Gordon Brown plans to say 'I do' to ex confidante and crush Whelan after a star-crossed donor meeting brought them together.

The PM fell head over heels for Whelan over thirteen years ago but worried their love affair may surface, the two went their separate ways.

But fate brought the two together when Brown re-Unite-d with his first love Charlie, where their eyes met across the board room table at finance meetings . Whelan was thought to have splashed the cash for his politico lover, buying him jewellery and giving money to keep Brown and his friends happy.

Despite Brown denying his feelings just days ago as "deplorable", Brown can no longer hide his feelings for the Unite boss and plans to elope with Whelan in the next week or two.

One source said : "His heart has always been Whelan's, they have been close ever since they met 13 years ago. Brown has long admired unions, particuarly civil unions.

"The two have picked the perfect venue - his office. This is where they first met so it is very sentimental. They wagered deals and worked closely here so to say their 'I do's' there would be more than ideal."

But not everyone has taken the news well. His colleagues are worried by how close Brown is with the BA boss and his powerful influence.

However "love-sick and smitten" Brown is taking their new-found friendship in his stride.reo

See the exclusive pictures next week in the Daily Mirror

*Should probably point out that the above is strictly for the purpose of spoof rather than downright lies

Porn again Liberals

2010-03-12T16:09:00.006Z

The bird truly has left the nest. The Liberal Democrats have spruced up their party with a spot of spring cleaning in time for their conference today.

Gone is their little birdie and in is porn baroness Anna Arrowsmith and a spanking new logo that wouldn't go amiss on an Aquafresh toothpaste packet.

Fresh out of ideas, eh, Lib Dummies?

*UPDATE: Seems the yellow bellies forgot a big part of their slogan when building the blocks of their British bloc. 'Fair' appears nowhere in their little party - not a single MP is from an ethnic minority- what a whitewash it is! Check out Ollie Cromwell's post on this here.

Clegg's hung like a donkey

2010-03-09T19:18:00.011Z

Surprise, surprise, ole bed troubler Cleggover WILL join Labour's love-in if this dying government wears a noose come May.

Despite the little lefties not Labour's biggest fans most days, the chance to achieve their dream of power, real power, seems too good an opportunity to miss as they camp out again at Gordon's.

But by backing Brown for a hung parliament, they are simply leaving their policies at the door of No.10.

Clegg really is possibly the most indecisive leader of the liberal (little L because they are not worthy of a cap) demoprats of all time. TTG wonders how he manages to even choose what to have for breakfast each morning-he just dilly dallies about, dithering (maybe there is something in common with him and his Brown chum after all), and backtracks on policies, littering speeches with soundbites that may have worked with a heavyweight Commoner but not with mousey Clegg, a second-rate, poor man's Cameron.

Voters may moan about the Tories but at least they have someone and KNOW someone to whom to direct their ire. Can't say the same with the liberals. Name their front bench ... got a handful yet? TTG has got 3, maybe 4 and that's pushing it.

How do they expect the great depressed Britons to know? You could always rely on the one policy party to sprout crap about PR. We knew what they stood for, even it was just the one thing. But it seems with their stable 17 per cent, the Lib Dums are prepared to support the government of the day, provided of course it's Labour ... they may stretch to the Tories though - political opportunism doesn't rule that out. Perhaps Mr Invisible thinks he will finally be known in the public eye - fame by association?

While TTG should probably open up her arms to Clegg for his support should we be hung, TTG would rather strip off to her undies in Parliament Square. Our party is one of hope. We're not settling for a hung parliament - we are working towards becoming the next Government.

Vince Cable is their trump card but while TTG is sure he is a very nice man, he too can't seem to make his mind up about the economy but him and Nick can't resist a sneak dig at our plans.
Do we really want to pick up these boy-wonders from their so-called talent pool to sit with us at our table, making policy?
We already have the best in the business on our bench - why pick Almunia when you can have Fabregas?

TTG's point is that we will never surrender our policies, our beliefs and politics just for a seat in power.

Like their logo, their policies have flit, fluttered away as have their credibility as Clegg limpets on to Brown. They may have moved off the bench but they've flown right into the Labour nest.

The worrying thing is that so many, sick of Labour yet even sicker of the Tories deem the liberals as an option but it really is a wasted vote.

You're voting for a hung parliament and you're voting for another five years of Labour assisted by the policy-defunct, liberal cheerleaders prepared to support ANYONE for a shot to sit in the hot seat. We simply can't let this happen.

The choice is clear. If you want Labour in, vote Labour. If you want Labour in, vote Liberal Democrats. If you want Labour in, don't vote. End this cycle by voting Conservative.

Britain is crying for change - give her the change she needs, please, public

2010-03-01T16:34:00.013Z

Public, lend me your eyes. This is my off-the-cuff speech, with no notes, to tell you why you must vote Cameron and the Conservatives.

...

So, for some, it wasn't David Cameron's greatest hour. Despite telling it from the heart, standing tall and firm as he reeled off the change we can come to expect if a win is on the cards, apparently it wasn't good enough. What on earth did the press and non-Tories want? Balloons, a circus, Cameron making false promises and policies such as free ice cream and jelly for all if you vote for him? Let's face it, he said what we NEEDED to hear. Yes, it's going to be tough to get Britain working again, but it's a fight worth fighting for. This is a man who is prepared to have shit slung at him (and he already has for 5 years) in the pursuit to fix our broken Britain yet we are so adamant to reject his kind plea.

Cameron has the worst job in the UK - who'd want it? He faces opposite right, left and centre (and that's just his party) and the nation it seems just want to vote for an attack on anyone who dares to offer different or say different. But we need to grasp and hold on to the different desperately.

We have no other chance, no other alternative. If you are set on putting an end to unrestricted immigration, or want a better managed NHS, or want a community that cares - what ever one thing you want to see the back or return of, the only way to do so is the Conservative way.

I know many of you don't like Cameron. You comment on his salesman smirk, his days on the Eton playing field, his Conservatism - forget this when you walk into the polling booth,

You're not voting for David Cameron, you're not even voting for the Conservative party (you're missing out, they're a great bunch), you're voting for an end of Labour rule, you're voting for change.

You won't get change voting the Liberal Democrats, or UKIP or any of the smaller parties. Whether you like it or not, the only choice we have is with the Conservatives. The only result you will get with them is either 1) another five years of Labour 2) a hung parliament

So in all, a wasted vote. Everything will stay the same and you won't get the change you want.
We need to work together this year. Public, it is your duty to give your fellow citizens the change they need. We may not want to go to the dentist to get a tooth fixed but we do so anyway for the sake of our health. You may not want a Conservative government but for the sake of our country, this is what we need.

Bite the bullet and think of Britain when you vote. She is the sole thing that matters - not about who happens to be leading the Conservative party. Even to this day, Britain hasn't been enfranchised, she hasn't got a vote and she has no say. It is down to you to let her have her say.

On G-Day, there is only one box on the ballot paper and you must, for Britain, for St.George, for and your fellow citizens, cross it.

Vote change, vote the Conservatives.

Campaign for change in this facebook group.

Terrible Tory Girl @conference

2010-02-27T10:40:00.002Z

TTG is off to the sunny (hopefully!) shores on Brighton this weekend with a Spring in her step.

This proves to be a weekend not to miss in the run-up to election and the last conference before G-Day.

For a chance to catch up for coffee and meet her in the flesh, get in touch on facebook.

Don't worry, TTG shall not be advertising viagra or any of the kind! ;)

BLUE IS THE COLOUR, TORY IS THE NAME

We're here to make your bully disappear

2010-02-21T19:18:00.005Z

Are you a victim of bullying in the workplace?

Have you had printers thrown at you or angry bosses cursing in their pants?

Or have you been pushed aside in a political struggle?

Are you worried your tormenter might sack you should you reveal this to the press?

If you have had a run-in with a bully in the workplace, please call our primetime free bullybuster helpline where we guarantee to get rid of your stress in as little as three months.*

Don't live in fear, we are here to make your working life free from stress and printer-yielding-trousers-around-their-ankles-banana-munching-maniacs.

*Or when he bothers to call that election

You are what you eat, eh, Gordon?

2010-02-08T15:08:00.003Z

You're AV-ing a laugh, Labour

2010-02-02T10:27:00.006Z

AV spells added vexation for the Tories. Why should the slow, fat kid who struggles to come in second deserve a place in the line-up for the next race?

Ranking our candidates in preference rather than picking the standard winner-takes-all can bring no good to politics. It takes away the element of competition, the deserved victory of a candidate who came first in their track event.

But it wouldn't be the first time, Labour called a rain-day on real competition - the weak, shuffling-behind-in-the-polls party have bred a nation with the same contempt for winners and the successful. They want a relay where everyone gets the baton, where even the one competitor who dropped his spoon won't ever get egg on his face, but a trophy all the same.

That is what AV is like. We always hear, especially from the Lib Dums, just how great the PR systems are - how they're more representative, how it's more democratic etc. But if that were really true, why has it taken Labour over 30 years to introduce the bill? For their 18 years kicked out on the streets before they struck gold in 1997, they fought and campaigned for the PR. Yes, they did introduce it to Scotland, N Ireland, London and the European Parliament (notice a pattern there?) but why has it taken them so long to give a supposed democratic dose to Westminster ... hmm?

Would it be, rather cynically, because they were doing so well coming first and they didn't want to spoil it with getting a few extra Tories in to interrupt their bonkers bill plans?

If the Tories get in this year, AV where you rank the candidates in order of preference of what you're prepared to put up with, may be the very thing to ease Labour's return to power at the next election. Cameron's first term will be wrought with despair and making tough decisions and this plan to switch to the "all-fairer, all-loving" AV will pick up support even in places where they only voted Conservative a few years earlier.

Many of the voters, hypothetically of course, who voted Cameron would have done for the first time so they would probably cross Labour's box as their second preference. This isn't an isolated case - if the Tories achieve the 41 per cent they need, these new voters will be doing the same. You do the maths.

AV = added votes for Labour.

First past the post may be flawed but it is fair. Unfortunately there will be areas where people decide to vote in Labour in the hordes but that is their democratic right and the Labour man or woman they pick will be democratically elected. And TTG is for that.

Long live FPTP. Long live democracy

@Cameron, don't be a Twit

2010-01-26T16:14:00.007Z

#getontwitterdave? Come off it! That's the last thing our beleaguered leader wants to do. Just because Labour are apparently winning the war on the cyber airwaves with their likely abusive and confrontational tweets, it does not mean we should follow suit and subject our pride and integrity through the dirty as the press seek to sully Cameron on his choice of words or socks.

Twitter? Who really cares? What a sad state of affairs that the incumbent incompetents in charge can only contest in a bitter exchange on Twitter than in the House or in their politics, or in their policies or in their constituencies. And the sole reason they are doing so darn well (apparently) is thanks to their Twitter Tsar, you know, the one who's on a six figure sum.
Well if you can get the work ... That cash could have been better used for schools, roads but instead it was used to push their propaganda on a site which is free! They'd be better off employng some Labourlist luvvie at £15k a year than an ageing Mr Stott.

We have a hard-pressed election on our hands on May 6 (thanks for that, Bob) - we have just four months to convince Britain that Cam's the man to fix our broken state and to change the mind of millions of voters. And Twitter is not the way to do it.

No one wants a swotty, proficient Twit who puts the @ into Great Britain as their PM - they want policies, promises that can be kept, a solution, a plan. Not a 140 character status update that Cameron is kicking about with some youths in Oxfordshire.

We want cyber substance not cyber style. The me-me-me attention-grabbing Twit shit won't wash with voters. You can't run a country behind a computer screen in a dingy flat yet for some absurd reason, hundreds of thousands (including silly old TTG) can't wait to sign up to tell the world about their inactivity. If you can update what you're doing, you're really not doing anything at all. Just look at Obama, away from the computer and offline, what does that leave? Yes we can ... update Twitter but not much else.

Do we really want updates in the future, should DC be PM come May, such as "just in a cabinet meeting - gosh, I'm bored with all this policy lark" ? Do you really want political breakthroughs to amount to a worthless sentence? "got our bill for british rights through the commons. yippee. tyl"

We don't have much time left to fight and Terrible Tory Girl doesn't want this vital campaign hours on the clock used to talk to online voters who probably will be too busy on Twitterdeck to go to the polls in any case.

Britain is ready for change. Let us prove to the public that ask for a better Britain, and they will receive it ... from The Conservatives.

Shut your Trapps - it's good for your health says Westminster

2010-01-24T03:54:00.013Z

BRITAIN's taxpayers are to be slapped with a ban on TALKING after MPs paved the way for Trappist Monk style rule.

Under controversial plans, politicians have vowed to slap a silence order on Brits and cut free speech to an all-time low.

A senior civil servant yesterday quashed claims that the hush-hush bill will keep Brits in their place.

"Freedom of speech is not good for British citizens. Abuse of speech has health implications through the over-exertion of the brain and flailing limbs. Asking questions raises the average taxpayer's blood pressure and 0.0000000000056 per cent of patients admitted into hospital with high blood pressure were found to have shared an opinion or made an MP feel uncomfortable.

"The Government have looked into other forms of communicating with your fellow man and discovered this healthier alternative - not talking at all. A testing panel of 0 patients showed an overall improved level of calmness and serenity and blood pressure levels were normal. Health experts have welcomed these findings and this bill."

Under the proposals, taxpayers will not be allowed to ask politicians questions on TV, in debates or on the street.

....Find out more about this story by clicking here

Onward Conservative soldiers

2010-01-20T23:27:00.005Z

Our foes have attacked our fearless leader in the press, in public and on Twitter for too long.

Let us get our overdue revenge ... by not retaliating to their wargames. We must get even.

Let us show the country just what Cameron is all about and just why Britain would be better run with him at our helm.

Here is your mission: go on http://www.andybarefoot.com/politics/cameron.php and make your posters for our glorious stand against Labour and its hellish destruction.

Join this courageous crusade below:

See TTG on brill blog London Spin Online

2010-01-15T18:11:00.002Z

If you're wondering where your fill of TTG is, you can find it here on the wonderful blog, London Spin Online.

Don't worry, Terrible Tory Girl isn't disappearing on you just yet. There's an election to be won and there's always space for a ranting, raving Tory girlie to rabble rouse true blue credentials on the internet.

Britain's in the grit as Labour go to rations

2010-01-10T23:32:00.004Z

Rational thinking obviously doesn't enter Labour's vocabulary as their latest policy decision is to ration salt.

While our country turns each day into a national ice rink, with Brits paying for a ticket to skate with their cars, Labour sit back probably de-icing their driveways and put a stop to councils trying to deliver salt for their constituents.

With reports reckoning the next nine nights will be sub-zero as our snow nightmare continues, they decide like the buffoons and loons they are, to pick a policy which defies common sense, logic and funnily enough health and safety.

Salt is bad for us, people, remember? The Department of Health always go on about it enough so obviously even when we need a bit of salt in our lives to protect ourselves from slipping and breaking something, they stick to their guns.

Even shop keepers who dare to grab a shovel or grit to clear the roads the Govment refuse to do, risk getting sued.

The proof is in the pudding: The heat is on and Labour can't rise to the occasion.

Britain's in the grit with Labour en force - there's a credible choice this May and that's to vote Conservative.

Coming up in Westenders

2010-01-05T20:08:00.004Z

After rumours Burny is gonna leave Parliament Square for good, Andy decides to stay put ...for now

Tess gets itchy feet and storms out of the cabinet. Could she be the next Westender to leave the political soap for a stint in the lead role of Yes Prime Minister?

The circus is coming to town and Tony makes his long-waited return to the plot. But will his Great Disappearing Act routine see him escape the blame for Iraq?

Heavy snow gets residents up in arms when they are stuck in their homes - can Gordon get the roads gritted in time?

TV's Andy Pandy in leadership bid shocker

2010-01-05T19:08:00.007Z

Andy Pandy has been linked to a leadership coup

BASKETCASE Andy Pandy has put his name in the ring to stand as the next Labour leader.

The marionette, who lives in a basket, is rumoured to resign from the toybox in a bid to oust Gordon.

Train wreck ... Gordon is furious

Gordon is said to be fuming after hearing his favourite political puppet has pulled strings with other toys to back him should he choose to stand, unaided.

The unpopular puppet, Andy Pandy, who is yet to reveal his power plans, was unavailable for comment but was seen "waving goodbye" to his toy cabinet colleagues.

However, sources close to the toybox claim that Gordon is furious that Andy Pandy, who he propped up for a plush job in Health, dares to plot against him and has pledged to fight to the death if "Andy Pandy comes out to play".

More on this story as it breaks later...

Politicians' promises for 2010

2009-12-31T05:42:00.013Z

Resolution ... Brown takes a break from Labour policy

While Terrible Tory Girl struggles to make and keep her own resolution for 2010, here she shares the promises politicians plan and really ought to make for the beginning of the Tens.

Gordon Brown: Win back public backing; no longer be a YouTube laughing stock; get out of the Brown stuff

TTG's suggestion: Avoid these words, 'change', 'fourth term', 'world', 'Eton',in 2010
Use these instead: 'Resign', 'I' ,'Will', 'now'

Nick Clegg: Leader of the Lib Dumbs: To become a credible alternative to Labour and the Conservatives

TTG's suggestion: Become visible by tattooing 'Hi, it's Nick here, you local Lib Dem' on your forehead; grow a moustache - prove that the Lib Dems can make a decision and it may just make it easier for voters to spot you in a crowd; must not copycat Cameron

Harriet Harman: Another year, another load of bonker bills to push - housing rights for squirrels, anyone?

TTG's suggestion: Put your feet up. You've worked too hard, Harry! Give those bills a rest in 2010.

Peter Mandelson: Make Brown an offer he can't refuse ... and a Chancellor job please

TTG's suggestion: Cut down on use of grease on a day-to-day basis; Keep resignations to the one

Nigel Farage: Got to pick a voter or two ...

TTG's suggestion: Give up going to silly parties like, um, UKIP ... Come to your rightful leader, Cameron

Boris Johnson: Crikey, must keep on to my mayoral staff

TTG's suggestion: Bloody fix TFL! Carry on the good work.

Vince Cable: Come up with another catchphrase slogan winner. Bananaman Brown ... he's always slipping up ... um ... no, scratch that.

TTG's suggestion: Stick to the day job which is .... ?

George Osborne: Show the public the size of my Budget ...

TTG's suggestion: Pose for Playgirl - that'll boost your profile ;) ... and it gets TTG's support

William Hague: Cut down on the ten pinters
TTG's suggestion: Please bring back the baseball cap - we need a bit of fun in our live.

Michael Gove : Blitz bad school records

TTG's suggestion: Show the political world what a star you really are. You need to spell out to voters just why the Tories with you as their education chief can see the return of the three R's - arithmetic, writing and reading.

Alistair Darling: Stand up to my bully, Brown

TTG's suggestion: Darling, matching is this year's trend ... do something about those eyebrows. Hair dye available at all good stores.

David Miliband: Show Britain just what Hilary sees in sexy stallion me!
TTG's suggestion: Must be a job going in Europe ... goodbye, David

Ed Balls: Be more successful, i.e be successor to Brown

TTG's suggestion: Must not have leader delusions or delusions of grandeur; perhaps admit Yvette is your long-suffering wife?

David Cameron: Go North - get on the right side of our Northern neighbours; keep Britain together; get people voting for us.

TTG's suggestion: You'll never win this class war business; this year just concentrate on outing these incompetent incumbents.

Do you have any resolution ideas for our MPs? Add your own by commenting below.

Have a Terrible Christmas ... love TTG

2009-12-17T14:21:00.001Z

Happy New Year!

2009-12-12T23:27:00.003Z

Rumour has it, excited Broon can't wait to unwrap his election campaign as he pushes the date forward yet again with claims that it could now be as early as the New Year!

When the polling gets tough for the Tories, it's funny how Labour get less tougher on the idea of popping the election question.

Here's an early toast to 2010 - the year that WE CAN for once and for all get rid of rubbish - our incumbent government.

Thanks Gord for the belated Christmas present - one, us Tories shall cherish for years to come.

Labour put the ass in class war

2009-12-06T23:36:00.006Z

Isn't it about time Labour gave it a rest about public schools?

It's always a class act with the roses. Toff this, Eton that. Yawn. Isn't it time these school boy bullies grew up and entered reality?

It's been said that those who resort to personal attacks have already lost the debate. Labour have lost not only the debate but the touch with the public.

Has it really come to taunting? Is this the side, we Conservatives, are to fight? A party which is fuelled by jealousy and emotion? A party who want only the greater good for those who didn't prep at a public school? We don't need another class war clash. It's tested, tiresome and a terrible tactic to divert attention from the poor, shoddy job the Gov are doing for us.

Besides as our Ken rightly said, if Labour want to play spot the publicly schooled, TTG is sure some of the names on their bench might just crop up at Eton, St.Pauls and the like.

But hey, who cares? It's only school. Not exactly the experience anyone enjoyed, even at Eton. There are far more important issues to be angry about such as the people in life never do a day's work and are mummied by the state from cradle to grave. What is so wrong with a family wanting to invest in their child's future by sending them off to boarding school? 'Cos they sure aint getting a future at the schools Labour have on offer.

Their new big education fallicy is to make students pay for their shortcomings by hiking up the student debt to pay for the unemployed to do volunteer work. Surely the answer is in the name ... it's VOLUNTARY ... what big costs are involved in work which is, er, unpaid? Maybe, just maybe, if they cut the sheer volume of cash they throw in the direction of benefit careerists, they could do this scheme without making students pay the price doubly. Or maybe make it a condition for benefit claimants who aren't seriously disabled or bearing children to put their time to good use?

We should be encouraging children to want to carry on with their education. What student wants to double their debt to help the unemployed get work experience without going in the red?

It smacks of Marx, this exile of the educated. May we get the outcome we all hope for in May/June/July whenever Gordon "Eton-is-evil" Broon decides to call the public to the polls.

Let's sort the state of this country out by booting out this Socialist state.

P.S Sorry TTG hasn't posted in a while - twas the holiday season!

Party before polls!

2009-11-23T13:42:00.003Z

Dulce et decorum est pro patria Mori.

Now you wouldn't see Ipsos MORI polls in Wilfred Owen's famous line and you won't see it in our party line!

Apparently if these mori moron pollers are to be believed, who keep up with the times by manning phones as opposed to tweeting twits and emailing like everyone else sane, there will be a hung parliament come May.

Sorry to burst your little bubble of nonsense, but us Conservatives and the public will see that this sorry little affair won't happen to Britain.

How on earth can they envisage an increase in the Labour vote? What have Labour done to get public backing or support?

Oh yes, they've sent our troops to slaughter, they've signed us up to Europe, stuck us in a surveillance state where cameras are used to spy on US rather than to protect us ...

Yeah, so much to vote for, eh?

According to the survey, a third reckon Brown's doing a fantastic job. A THIRD! Where are they getting this information? The public sector? Of all the people TTG talks to, she knows about two people who rate our incumbent. Not really a third now is it unless TTG knows only six people.

Don't let polls spoil our party. We know where the tide is turning, we know what the public want and we shall deliver.

So put this rubbish in the bin and let us get on with the job of fighting for Britain and getting rid of the trash talk we've had to endure for 12 long years for good.

Party before polls is TTG's slogan.

The Sun is 4-tee

2009-11-19T21:41:00.006Z

Happy 40th birthday, The Sun!

To celebrate 40 years of life, the newly staunch Tory tabloid has delved into its archives to bring their biggest and best lines back into print, on a tee shirt.

Forget Freddie Starr ate my hamster, check out these Labour lashing, Tory boosting tees on offer on their website right now.

Here's TTG's top tees:

Labour's lost it

Vote Tory this time

If Kinnock wins today, will the last person in Britain please turn out the lights

Crisis? What crisis?

It's Paddy pantsdown

Don't you know there's a bloody war on?

Which one would you like to see TTG in?

Post your suggestions below.

What's wrong with Labour? TTG spells it out

2009-11-14T01:34:00.005Z

LISBON

AFGHANISTAN

BENEFIT CULTURE

OPEN BORDERS

UNEMPLOYMENT

RECESSION

Why would anyone vote for that?

Glasgow would apparently.

Those Spectator awards in full

2009-11-12T17:59:00.007Z

Mandy gets a hand from the Spectator who dub him as the alpha male, and top politician of the year. His greasy pole dancing came up trumps. Read on to see the rest of the prizes up for grabs for our power-hungry politicos.

Parliamentarian award of the year - A shock picking, Harriet Harman is crowned Queen of the parliamentarians for her work for women, making it easier for women to get off crime, to get jobs and especially jobs in parliament. Women nationwide are grateful I'm sure, Harry!

Survivor - Alistair Darling, in Destiny's Child style, is a survivor and still managed to hold on against all odds. Bit like Brown keeping a tenure in British politics. Why didn't Brown win?

Best speech - Daniel Hannan's ripping into Brown in Europe was one of the most watched vids. Brown-rolling went viral. Watch it here

Best newcomer - Ken Clarke's rehash and body work obviously fooled the mag who gave parliamentary dinosaur, Clarke, the prize for, er, best newcomer. Very flattering for Kenny who's been reborn politically.

Resignation of the year - James Purnell - James takes the coveted prize of giving up shamelessly. Caroline Flint, an early favourite after she accused Brown of putting her in her job as 'window dressing' and promptly told him so by appearing in the Telegraph fashion shoot, was pipped to the post.

Other awards which were not picked up and reported at length by the press and were wholly fabricated on the spot by TTG:

Worst speaker - Axed speaker Michael Martin wins this highly acclaimed prize. His whimper of 'order, order' throughout his sessions were repetitve and dull and his 35 second long resignation statement didn't fare well in the oratory stakes.

Brass in pocket - Harriet Harman picks up the most stingy accolade after claiming for a 45p Mars Bar in her expenses.

Best squatter - Gordon Brown has refused to budge and leave even after his party is in ruin and despite many, many calls to leave No.10. He's stayed so long that the bailiffs are bored of trying to move him.

Most likely to feature in a Blackadder sketch - If only for his name, Alistair Darling.

Biggest drain on the taxpayer - Liam Byrne - the ex Immigration minister claimed a whopping £478,536 for his services to the state, which weren't anywhere close to that figure, even at a stretch.

Most correct politician - Harriet Harman, who also contended for the prestigious policies gone mad award for her OTT favouritism for women, is too correct even for politics' standards.

Brown's bitch - Through thick and thin, Brown's Darling and BFF, Alistair Darling has stood by the PM. Aww, ain't love sweet?

The Brutus award - David Miliband. At last encounter, the fresh faced schoolboy lookalike was accepting gladly the coveted Foreign Secretary role. Now he's apparently relaunching his leadership bid after hitting it off with the in-laws in Europe. Poor Brown. Some just aren't grateful.

Biggest Party pooper - Jack Straw - even when presented with the chance to finally make the party look good (i.e QT) he still manages to fluff up his lines and look quite a bit worse than slimeball Nick Griffin. Poor show, Jack.

Biggest balls-upper of the year - There was tough competition for this award as many Labour MPs and ministers were in the running especially Mrs Smith for her no place at home controversy and her hubby's Blockbuster film choices.

But the winner for this is namesake, Ed Balls. When he's not failing to spell on his blog, he's consistently doing something else he shouldn't be.

The likes-the-own-sound-of-his/her-voice - Tony Blair (despite out of the running, he's an honorary winner for his world pursuit for all to hear his voice)/George Galloway/Harriet Harman - who to pick?

Most resembles an inanimate object - Jim Murphy, the Secretary of Scotland looks half dummy when he sits in PMQs with his expressionless, steely stare.

House hotty - George Osborne narrowly misses out as Ed "very fit" Vaizey takes the prize.

From zero to hero - He's come a long way and finally the people see the wonder that is George Osborne.

Most likely to push Labour out of office and lead a Conservative government - David Cameron. Need we say more?

Back to the day job - Home Secretary and ex postie, Alan Johnson, is out of his depth. He's proven that he's a lightweight who can't sort the country out - probably better to stick to what he is good at, sorting letters.

* Add your own awards below

Gordon's past year has been one big mistake

2009-11-09T10:31:00.007Z

School report for James Gordon Brown

Dear Mr Collins,

We are gravely concerned with Gordon. His work over the last year has been sloppy at best, he has had many behavioural issues such as losing his temper in the classroom and throwing our printer across the room and has generally been a displeasure to work with.

He needs to learn to deal with authority. At the moment, he tries to assume control and dictate the class. He has had many run-ins with our teaching staff due to his aggression. He is stubborn and refuses to give up his appalling attitude. This behaviour is not acceptable and if this is not corrected, we will have to take disciplinary action and take away his prefect position until he behaves as we see fit.

Despite his limited eyesight, which we take into account when assessing his work, he hasn't progressed at all but rather he has got worse. His last work, a letter, was riddled with spelling mistakes that someone at his age, both mental and physical, should not be making. He didn't even spell his own name correctly. His presentation is scruffy, unkempt and he shows a real lack of regard, care or pride in his work.

He is showing a lack of progress even in maths, his favourite subject. He doesn't care if the numbers don't add up anymore. When he doesn't know the answer or figures, he simply makes it up or makes an elaborate excuse as to why he hasn't finished.

His school work aside, we have had many complaints from other teachers and students. He seems to lack any decency and treats his classmates with contempt. He has often lashed out at them and smirks at them in a very derogatory manner. As a result he has isolated himself and is not very popular with the people around him.

His attitude towards authority leaves a lot to be desired. When the headmistress came in into the class this week he refused to stand in her presence, let alone bow. He behaved in the same way when a group of soldiers from the local barracks came to our show and tell.

Could you please over the next few months instill some discipline and respect. There is only so much we can do here for him.

Yours unfaithfully,

Ivor Hadenough

P.S I have enclosed a piece of his latest work to prove his glaring errors.

Spanks for the memories, Nick!

2009-11-06T07:39:00.004Z

It's bottom's up for Sir Nicholas Winterton!

The red faced MP is in the docks after apparently kopping a feel of luscious Labour babe, Natascha Engel's bottom in the commons tea room.

Winterton, whose memory fails him on the spanking new gaffe to come his way, explained his 'do I spank, don't I' dilemma to the press:

"I don't make a habit of slapping bottoms. You might just do it now and again if you felt so disposed, if you had a sensible, friendly relationship with an individual.

If his 'happy slap' gaffe wasn't enough, he continued:"But do I go around pinching bottoms? Certainly not. I'm a Conservative."

What's a spank between friends, eh?

Klaus passes the Czech

2009-11-03T16:14:00.004Z

Under pressure Klaus has finally succumbed and signed the Lisbon Treaty, ratifying the god awful, hellish Treaty, the final nail in our country's constitutional coffin, our political faust - our very own pact to the Devil himself.

Nothing good can come of this ratification. For those fed up with European Human Rights, bendy bananas and more lunarcy laws, there's more in store. For those who called for a referendum, their message will continue to fall on deaf, dead ears - what can a referendum possibly do now after the objection has been passed so readily by our own? We have been sold down the river Senne.

Like the Irish before him, Klaus was forced into an impossible situation and as we may have done (if we had the choice, of course) he accepted his fate at a price favourable for the Czech Republic. But his bargaining has left us short and we will pay the price, as usual, for a Europe bound and forged by peace.

With both Blair and Miliband sent on the first gravy train back to Britain, it looks like our continental cousins seek not just control of our fine nation, such as our quotas from Calais, but to also close us out of any discussion.

We fought two world wars for freedom and for peace yet here in Brussels, one nation is chained - Britain.

Professors 1 - 0 Labour FarCe

2009-11-01T21:04:00.010Z

And the drug derby kicks off. Labour's chairman, Gordon Brown, watches from the sideline as his injured squad make it on the pitch. Their last encounter with the drug advisory squad had been marred by a controversial penalty as star man David Nutt, the team's captain for this season, was sent off.

Nutt, who was hit with a match ban for his attack on Alan Johnson, has spoken out publicly ahead of today's game, insisting the ref was wrong to hand a red.

But back to the game, Alan Johnson leads tonight as he pits himself against his drug foes. His fellow policy players follow behind as he pushes past their defences and ignores the taunts and jeers of the Nutt supporters.

But before he can nip it in the net, professor player, Mr A.N. Adviser gets the ball rolling away and pushes the policy agenda further up the pitch, towards an open goal. Labour try to cover up the goal but their defences are pushed back.

And Labour think it's all over .... but goooooaaaaaalllllll. The crowd goes wild. Johnson looks defeated as he puts his face in his hands and kneels on the pitch.

-----------

The game resumes for the second half. Professor's Nutt sits at the sidelines watching on as the team try for a second. And it's another goal for the Professors and it looks like a third might be in the pipeline after this astonishing display from these runts ....

P.S - TTG thinks the Guardian needs better subs if their URL link to the story is anything to go by - http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2009/nov/01/david-nutt-alan-johnstone-drugs

It's Alan Johnson. You know, the Home Sec? Yeah, got it, Grauniads?

Blair's EU dream might be over in a FLASH

2009-10-29T06:38:00.005Z

... The German Iron Lady Merkel isn't a fan of our man in Europe, reportedly speaking with disdain of seeing "Mr Flash" all the time. Flash with our cash, Tone, can hardly count support from our isles either. His only backer is Brown and as any budding sports fan will admit is a recipe for disaster with his curse.

Do us a favour, Merkel and "I heart Brown" Sarko, vote him out. Anyone but Blair bitte, si vous plait.

Now to get rid of that dastardly Lisbon Treaty. Keep up the opposition, Victor Klaus. Britain wants you to stand firm.

Wife Swap: Politician's wives special

2009-10-28T21:15:00.003Z

CHANNEL 4, the brains behind Wife Swap, bring you this special political edition of the show where the partners behind politicians are finally put in the spotlight.

With politican partners facing the chop in Westminster village, we pick two sets from the most dysfunctional and different MPs and put them together. But will these controversial pairings bring the House down or will they get on like a House on fire?

This week, the Howards move in with the Smiths. How will Jacqui Smith's partner, Richard "Two Timney, cope face to face with the no-nonsense, blood thirsty MP Howard? Will Michael put a stop to his letter writing and get him away from the television?

And what will Sandra make of the flippant, forward Mrs Smith? Will she be able to feminate the bullet-vest wearing tomboy?

Find out more by clicking here

Cameron, refuse to talk immigration and kiss goodbye to a Conservative Govt

2009-10-26T18:09:00.010Z

Forget the Conservatives galloping ahead in Gallup polls, forget the downfall of Brown and his callous cronies.

If you forget immigration from the agenda, forget a Conservative government for the next twenty years.

The Conservatives, who have watched from the reserves, have seen the country fall into decline and depravity after 12 years of hellish rule with Blair and Brown at the helm. Yet despite now primed as a credible alternative and bidding for a take-over next May, the party are at real risk of throwing all their hard work away - door-stopping, shaking-up, shifting politically and geneaologically to new lengths and levels - by forgetting the one issue that the public, even the disillusioned, care-free voters care and give two hoots about. IMMIGRATION.

The one word which has MPs quivering in their boots. It's unpopular they say. A policy that breaks rather than makes a party. Michael Howard found asylum in the back bench and grassroots when he dared to bring immigration to the public arena back in 2005.

In the same way the man on Question Time who questioned immigration was last week, he was shouted down for daring to attack the immigration shambles that has plagued Britain for over a decade.

Now, with the borders effectively thrown open and scores and hordes of people moving in to Britain either to strive for a better life, to better themselves or in some cases to squander and take advantage, citizens are concerned. And they are entitled to worry.

Immigration is not just an economic issue. It has a social impact too. The landscapes of communities change dramatically as a result as builders rush to build blocks of flats and homes to house the increasing population. In metropolitan places, issues of schooling, religion, language and culture come into repute.

There simply isn't the space in this overcrowded country for a policy of open borders. Many forget that we are just a dot on the world map yet we are one of the most populated areas - the 75 million mark isn't that infeasible in the near future. But Alan Johnson doesn't worry his pretty head about it or 'lose any sleep'. While it would be wonderful to welcome the world on our doorstop, let's face facts, this inn is nearly full.

Of course, TTG expects to be hung, drawn and quartered for daring to attack the open all hours policy of Labour's in regards to immigration. You can't say you don't like immigration after all.
Even in political ideology tests, there is only one option for those who aren't cheerleaders for the all welcome cause. It's all or nothing. You either agree or you are deemed racist and dubbed a budding BNP supporter. But there is a middle ground and it is one that TTG sticks to. It's called sensible immigration. There should be a quota where immigrants who have a skill or profession we desperately seek are pushed to the front of the queue. The rest must prove their loyalty and earn a right to live in this great country of ours and they must contribute first to society before being eligible to the benefits being British entails.

Please do tell TTG what is wrong with that? Is it really that severe? You would think so with the yowls and complaints of racism often pointed in her direction. But what is racist about complaining about the levels of immigration - immigration is not a race or a racial issue. The creed and the colour and the name don't matter. It's the sheer size that people have a problem with! In this case, size does matter!

And it's not an uncommon view. Take your typical Joe Bloggs on the street and ask him what he has to say. No wonder people are disillusioned and can't even be bothered to vote or spoil their ballot paper if again and again their views are ignored. The public need to be heard and immigration needs to be the debating issue of the day.

The only reason the British Nasty Party poll votes is out of spite. It's a ploy by people for one last attempt to get their message across. This country prides itself on being a tolerant and diverse nation and it is disgusting that the public are treated and named racists on this issue.

And despite getting it so right on everything else, the Conservatives, still aren't getting the message. However unpopular, we must stop ignoring the 'i' word. It's not going away and that's the problem for many.

We have more down for policy on the countryside than we do on immigration and it isn't good enough. If Cameron really wants to lead the country, then he must take a stand at the dispatch box and say, hey, here's our policy on immigration. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

Yes, David, you deserve credit for making us electable and TTG is eternally grateful for that but now we must win the argument of the day. Stand up and be tough and we WILL be behind you and the public will follow.

Our future survival is at stake. Don't throw it away over one issue.

The Exes Factor: The final

2009-10-13T08:49:00.009+01:00

The Exes Factor ... Who should the public axe?

IT'S that time again when the final acts of the Exes Factor are picked to face the public vote.

From hundreds of applicants, MPs have been shortlisted for making their mark in the expenses world. Those who tried and failed were sent from the bootcamp stage and sent home packing out of the House.

But who has the Exes Factor? Who can rise above in this contest and redeem themselves to the voters?

Here's a look at this year's Exes stars:

Jacqui "Two pornos" Smith

Jacqui Smith has been in the game for a while now. She has seen the highs and lows, mostly lows, of government and is determined for another chance to set the record straight.

Public verdict: The public weren't impressed by her 88p plug, her two porn films or mortgage claims. Jacqui, who already has had to take a backseat, is at real risk of being axed after her apology failed to spark up support. She is favourite for the axe.

Gordon "is a moron" Brown

Gordon Brown is a familar face but is a surprise addition to this contest. The born-leader (ahem) faces going to the cleaners for his bill for, er, cleaners in his Scotland home. While things can only get worse for him, little else can tarnish his rep further so he's likely to come out of the contest better than some of the other stars.

Public verdict: Gordon Brown is all washed up and his cleaning bill extravagance of £12k may be the final straw for a despairing nation.

Nick "35 bed knots" Clegg

Clegg hasn't been at the front of the pack in this contest as few voters know who he is. The former lothario however could be a surprise winner this year as he's pledged to fit his £900 flower bill.

Public verdict: The yellow belly has got to do more to raise his game and profile if he hopes to get on with favourable coverage in the media and public.

David "Britain's next top model PM" Cameron

David's campaign to clean up politics is steadfast and seems to be getting quite a response. Cameron, who has called on fellow Conservatives to clean up their act, has been dealt a blow after his own claims have been called into question.

Public verdict: The favourite to win, Cameron could have the Exes Factor if he puts his house in order as well as the House.

Who should get the axe for their Exes?

Vote below

P.S. Sorry TTG hasn't posted in a while - she has been far and away to Manchester . Read her adventures here

Labour has gone to the dogs

2009-09-29T01:46:00.009+01:00

It's official, even Lordy Mandy has said it, Labour has gone to the dogs. Let's hope they stay there.

They may fool themselves and think they can make their comeback but Labour, you're past it. When May 6th comes round, we as a nation will sigh a long-waited relief as Brown packs his bags out of No 10 and hands over the keys. For then, after a disastrous 13 years at the helm, we will have our country back, albeit in ruin, and begin to patch up and repair the damage as this nation had to after the scars of the second world war.

The Conservatives have the tools to rebuild Britain and bring her back to glory and all we ask is that the public keep their chins up and entrust us with the power to do so.

Nick Clegg proved that his party would happily sell away their virtues and their policies for a quick buck, soundbite or a shot at power, even considering a coalition with the Labour party.

And now Labour mark their own destruction, realising at long last that they're not up to the job and that their shambles of a party can't go fourth for another term.

Rather than remodel our party entirely (on ours might TTG add) on what we may deem popular, we have listened to the public and adapted rather than create a new Conservatives.
We will always keep our family values, tradition, respect and patrotism at the very heart of our thinking. We are prepared to do what we feel is best to boost Britain even if it is unpopular.

So Mandy can go on the attack and try to convince half-heartedly that Cameron is shallow or that Brown has a fighting spirit but their vacuous statements won't wash.

The future's not bright for Labour at Brighton. Enjoy this week for it may be your last as a party in power.

Roll on May 6th.

What's it got to do with shoe, TUC?

2009-09-16T03:02:00.014+01:00

TUC have managed to put their foot in it, yet again. This time, the union wants to ban shoes, boots and sandals in favour of sensible, dreary, manlike flatties.

Determined to strip countrywomen of creativity, flair and expression, they reckon the ban plan is for our protection as we may hurt ourselves slipping on a pair of kitten heels.

Apparently the smart footwear isn't appropriate for the office anymore. Perhaps the ole Marxists would rather we wore our scruffy dog-eared trainers while thumbing piecharts. Sexualisation is an integral part of the female gender. We use it to attract men; to have power over men; to make us taller and for our own self-flattery. Wearing heels does to our calves what five months of gruelling workouts should but without working up a sweat. But nothing compares to shoes when it comes to confidence. Why else does a woman trapse around and hobble down the street on a pencil thin heel? Aesthetics appeal. Full stop.

We know that sky high eight inchers aren't slippers by any stretch but we take the pain like a pinch of salt. We gladly suffer, through our own CHOICE, to wear supposedly "sexist" stilettos. It is our right to shoes and to subject ourselves to pain -we get off on it dontcha know?

TUC, mind shoe business. Would you dare condemn President Sarkozy for his heels? 'Cos those are whopping and surely have caused enough damage to his street cred.

Let's face it - women wear shoes and they love doing so. Now stop being sexist and let us get on with some much needed shoe shopping. The lady's not for turning ... especially in flats.

P.S The delectable sequinned six inch golden wonders are from the Miss KG concession, Kurt Geiger's spin-off range, and can be found in Debenhams. Get yours, girls.

No, it's not justice to demote Alan

2009-09-08T01:43:00.011+01:00

Let's be rational, the sacking of Tory Alan Duncan is not justice. What a redundant move. A mere month after the Conservatives forgave and forgot Dunky Donut's "MPs live off rations" rant, Alan has been found guilty of a bad publicity charge and chucked in the Shadow Justice Office.

Alan, who had been posted as the Shadow Leader of the House of Commons, had been tossed away like yesterday's news in a manner akin to ex-Speaker Michael Martin.

Cameron may be pruning his shadow cabinet in a bid to produce a showstopping bed of political talent in preparation for the election in May but cutting back Alan Duncan from growing, is a terrible mistake and not one easy to eradicate.

Duncan may have been a bad egg in some ways for his high-end gardening expenses, his alleged death threat to an anti-gay Miss America type on HIGNFY but despite all his media mistakes, the man has done good for the party. He has helped or image as one that is inclusive of all persuasions and life choices and one that is forgiving.

For all of Labour's faults (and there are many!), at least they aren't too snap happy and again and again (much to our dismay in some cases e.g Brown, Mandy, Smith etc.)continue to roll out ministers who have made mistakes but are prepared to carry on with the job and the spotlight and possible furore and fury from their constituents.

So why is it that when the going gets tough, we only get rougher on our own side?
From ill-thought outbursts, to not polling enough votes at elections, why do we continue to cut away at our support and our staff? TTG knows we are the party of cuts but it's getting ridiculous.

If faith has taught TTG anything, it is the message of forgiveness. How can we expect anyone on the outside and voters to entrust their faith in us if we can't even trust ourselves not to f*** up again.

It's taken the public over 11 years to finally openly forgive us for our mistakes and we can't let them down. Let us trust one another, for their sake at least.

In our current climes, all our countrymen want is calmness, and a message of hope for the many millions left stranded, helpless, homeless and jobless under Labour's legacy of a decade of destruction.

TTG trusts Alan Duncan will continue to do a good job. Just let him get on with it.

No more cut backs to our cabinet!

Forgive and forget, please.

Poll in the head: Who STILL votes Labour?

2009-09-03T03:09:00.004+01:00

The Tories are riding the political tide with a whopping 42 per cent vouching for the Conservative cause BUT .... lost cause misfits Labour still managed to poll 28 per cent!

Who on earth is still voting Labour?

That is the important issue here!

Before we can even dream or hope of a victory let alone a landslide one, we need to pinpoint properly which groups are ticking away happily for another decade of destruction. Without doing this, we can only dream of power. And dreaming is not enough. We need to win back Britain.

Labour voters, who are you?

Terrible Tory Girl is 71st top Tory blog

2009-08-30T13:24:00.002+01:00

TTG has made it ... on the Top 100 Conservative blogs. TTG didn't realise many read her rants and rambles and is very touched that readers went out and voted for her pride and place as 71st top Tory blog.

So thanks kindly!

Check out the rest of the top 100 Conservative blog list, compiled by Total Politics magazine here - http://www.iaindale.blogspot.com/

Pardon my french but Labour, you're merde

2009-08-27T13:44:00.008+01:00

Aujourd'hui, milliers des etudiants recevront leurs resultats GCSE, plusiers étant ces notes hautes. Encore, on peut être sûr que peu des élèves auraient passe examens en francais ou en des autres langues. Comme l'Angleterre, le Francais disparaît.*

And as the Guardian tells today, few will understand any of the above, let alone the sentence entiere. For, language isn't cool, clever or necessary in this Britain.

Kids today will celebrate their grades and finally put down their books and take a breather. Yet while their efforts and dilligence should be commended, with sadness TTG has to reveal that they have worked for nothing and that their marks aren't worth the paper they're written on today. They don't make the grade in this society as they shall come to find if they pile on to university to a boozed-up baked-bean munching existence where pupils snooze in lecture halls and sleep walk their way through to high class degrees but no high class jobs to accommodate the living skill-less.

The true intelligensa are the workers. Those who have knuckled down to manual work, to master the skill of scissors or tuning wires. These masses who have picked up a trade yet are sneered upon by their peers at school, by teachers who didn't rate the pupils who didn't hang on their every word, counting each muttered syllable as gospel to get a quick mark.

Like carpentry, langauge is a life skill that each and every child should acquire and Labour's complete disregard for linguists over their destructive decade in power, has left a workforce drained and unable to compete with the rest of the world in the labour market.

So kids, here's TTG advice. Pick up a lingo and pick up a hammer. You need nothing more and nothing less.

Be a worker and you will reap the rewards. University is an empty vessel, the boat that has already set sail to the isle of career prospects. That is Labour's legacy - the class of 2009 who in ten years time will reap benefits, yes but not educational ones but ones from the state.

* Pardon my french, it is terrible!

Alan just needs to be House trained

2009-08-13T19:20:00.008+01:00

s**** stirrer Alan Duncan faces the sack after his recent irrational gaffes including talk of MPs living on rations, buying a grand bouquet of flowers with his expense pocket money, telling live his desire to hunt down a Miss America and performing terrible Tony Blair impersonations.

But while the Melton MP is stuck in a rut with his party deciding whether to keep or dump the budding politician at the pound, sacking is a naughty step too far.

All Alan needs is a bit of House training. Take Alan to one side and make him recite the Ministerial handbook word for word, in Latin, English and Greek. Sit him down and teach him etiquette and how to deal with the press and reporters biting at his heels.

Or stand him by Superdrug with a 'I Messed uP' sign and allow the public to vote on whether to pelt him with tomatoes or rotten eggs.

Other professions regularly cock up and carry on, getting on with the job. It's time we did the same with our MPs and not villify them and call for their head if they make a wrong move.

Punish them by all means, but don't strip us of our personnel. Quit quitting. We need a formidable force that can last through all weathers, not one that crumbles at s*** or weakens at the knees at t***.

Baby P's killers: Rewarded with life

2009-08-11T12:27:00.005+01:00

Today, the ban was lifted and the faces of evil unveiled for the world to see. The perpetrators of so much grief, woe, pain and suffering, were splashed across our newsstands for the first time. Today we saw the faces in all full horror, of those who were responsible for leading little Peter into a life of sorrow, where all he saw was the strike of a hand, and torture in his short 17 month-long life.

Not an ounce of kindness did he receive. Only in death did this beautiful child receive the love he ought to have had in life.

He was just a letter, P. Only now can he be named as Baby Peter.

And how does the justice system deal with monsters, Tracy Connelly and Steven Barker who looked on and took part in the breaking of Peter's back and punched him so hard that he swallowed a tooth?

Not guilty ... of murder. Instead Connelly, was sentenced for allowing his death and may be out, free to walk the streets after a mere three years. Her lover, Barker, is signed up for 12 years behind bars, plus another ten for the raping of a child.

50 injuries Peter endured in his little life under the watch of these two. But for their crimes, and for taking away Peter's life, they have been rewarded with life.

Their lives haven't been cut short in a blood stained cot, alone. They are allowed to live and thrive and spend just a short spell fed, clothed and watered by us.

If ever there was a reason to choose the noose, this would be it.

For the protection of the innocents, we must as a country take tougher and severe steps to stop evil and misdemeanour. Only with the death penalty can we put an end to abuse and really give them what they deserve ... and it certainly ain't Sky TV in their jail cells.

A life for a life. An eye for an eye.

FREE passport with every Labour leaflet

2009-08-04T15:21:00.002+01:00

CALLING all migrants, sign up to the Labour party today and get a British passport absolutely free.

All you have to do to to take advantage of this amazing deal is to send out a few of our leaflets.

Unlike other countries, our passport process is fastracked for our subscribers and you could be holding your very own British right of way in a matter of years or even months.

But hurry this offer only lasts til June 2010.

For more details, go here - http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/08/04/good-citizens-115875-21569768/

Do the crime, do the time Gary!

2009-08-02T13:18:00.010+01:00

The McKinnon case may be a sad one with the autistic alien anorak facing extradition to America - but let's face facts, he did the crime and he should do the time.

TTG may seem heartless and uncompassionate but for too long in this country we have let justice lax and gone soft in our sentencing.

Gary may not have killed another man or helped himself to billions out of a bank or company but at the end of the day, McKinnon broke the law.

In the same vein, TTG will still not be convinced that the Great Train Robber Ronnie Biggs should be freed just because he is nearing his deathbed. If we gave way to justice for ecvery excuse, mental condition, bad background, troubled childhood, who would be punished and would really be given the sentence they truly deserve?

Despite this, Gary, with his penchant for hacking into US security in search for UFO treasure, should stay ashore and face his punishment in his home country, the UK.

Why should a Brit be holed up in the States for a crime that took place in a bedroom in London?

We must get tough and unfortunately we will have to start on the pettier and smaller crimes if we want real security and a justice system that does what it says on the tuin, justice.

Crime is still crime whether it be stealing a penny sweet or murder in cold blood. Both must be addressed with the strong arm of the law.

********

In other news, Harriet has been Harman the Labour Party even further than one could ever dream. Selling the woman ticket, ole Harry reckons that women should always be in the top two jobs because men can't be trusted to run things by themselves. Hmm, because men haven't been able to run the world for centuries before women had the right/ambition to do so? Or before you came along?

Harry, are you just trying to secure your own place through protocol because you know you don't have the merit normally to deserve such a prestigious role?

Labour's new breed: The Benefit Careerists

2009-07-30T12:31:00.012+01:00

WANT to earn hundreds of pounds without lifting a finger or doing a full day's work? Sound too good to be true? Well, not with Labour!

Labour have teamed up with tax payers to offer thousands of vacancies up and down the country where we pay YOU to sit and watch Jeremy Kyle. All you have to do is fill out a few forms and you are on your way to having that life you have always dreamt of.

There are no get-out clauses, all we ask for in return is your soul and full use of your ovaries.

See, Labour get off when in control. Like a dominatrix, the tin-pot little faction like nothing more than wearing the trousers in the relationship and the odd whipping here and there for their subservients.

And what better way to ensure the all-empowered state gets its way than to bribe and control through the means of capita or benefit.

Benefits may breed a race of layabouts in our wearful eyes but said layabouts provide a movement, open to abuse and manipulation.

Money talks, especially to a generation of hand-me-state-downs who by encouragement, sit idly by, struggling to feed their benefit bebes.

Like scientists who breed animals in the lab, Labour have their own breeding experiment, to preserve what should be a dying race of able-bodied couch potatoes who from cradle to grave sit in their council flats, picking up their packets and drink their aspirations away.

It's survival of the feeblest; Labour, at the helm, a weak and inefficient party who don't work for the people yet pick up the perks like those under them, contrary to popular opinion have achieved their policy of cutting unemployment. They have created the new career that's all the rage in classrooms across the country. No 'I want to be a doctor when I grow up' talk but 'I want a baby and want it paid by the state' aims.

Some of you will have read about the preggers slummy mum whose past THIRTEEN kids have been taken into care but yet she is determined to keep having more and more until she has at least one child she can neglect.

The Victorians had the right idea...but sadly the spiralling into subservience shall continue as long as Labour are living.

Forget tax cuts, let us cut the welfare system and cut it for good and for the good of the nation.

****

In other news, there has been Absolute uproar over Cameron's slip of the tongue.

The BBC ... what twats.

Police headscarf offensive is offensive

2009-07-28T08:58:00.004+01:00

AVON police have been caught covering up vital, er, personnel on the beat. Policewomen have been given headscarves, along with their cuffs and guns, as essential beatwear while tackling crime.

The brainchild of Avon and Somerset police, the covering up of cops helps cops fit in with their Muslim communities apparently.

Yeah, 'cause Muslim women walk around with a POLICE logo emblazoned on their foreheads and carry guns while out on the streets.

For all their 'religious respect mumbo jumbo, the police in Avon have completely gone off the mark on this one. Firstly the headscarf is less so a religious item but a cultural garment. So the wearing of a headscarf for the purpose of fitting in with citizens and respecting their God-fearing ways is pretty absurd 'cause do most Britons cover at the sight of the Lord...?

Secondly, the Hijab, is for the purpose of modesty. To cover the hair and to detract attention. How on earth does a police woman not stand out a mile or avoid attention? She's a law enforcer for crying out loud!

In a sense, by wearing the headscarf in a country like ours where Islam is not the religion du jour, is actually far more disrespectful than not. The police can't even deal with crime properly, how can they hope to get the community on side with this stupid stunt?

This may come to a shock, dear police so do take a seat and a sip of water, but not all Muslim women wear the headscarf!

The £13 hair curtain policy, suitable for use for all religions, should be hung up for good.

Try doing your job, instead of resorting to the ridiculous. And maybe try reading the Qur'an.

What next, trackies, gold hoop earrings and a can of Stella for work on the estates?

Vote for me, TTG, as your best blog 2009

2009-07-27T09:40:00.004+01:00

Terrible Tory Girl wants you! ...To pick www.terribletorygirl.blogspot.com as your fave blog 2009.

TTG has braced and even embraced the blogosphere for near two years now, to bring you a no-barred, mischevious, plain-speaking, tongue-firmly-in-cheek and terribly biased parodicial of politics. And TTG hopes you have enjoyed it ;)

Dear readers, vote for me, TTG, as your best blog for the year 2009. Or at least find a place for me in your top ten.

Send your top ten blogs to toptenblogs@totalpolitics.com

Read on for further details on how to enter.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Email your ten favourite blogs (ranked from 1-10) to toptenblogs@totalpolitics.com

It's that time of year again, when Total Politics asks you to vote for your Top 10 favourite blogs. The votes will be compiled and included in the forthcoming book, the Total Politics Guide to Blogging 2009-10, which will be published in September. This year the poll is being promoted/sponsored by LabourList and LibDemVoice as well as our publisher Iain Dale's blog.

The rules are simple.

1. You must vote for your ten favourite blogs and ranks them from 1 (your favourite) to 10 (your tenth favourite).
2. Your votes must be ranked from 1 to 10. Any votes which do not have rankings will not be counted.
3. You MUST include ten blogs. If you include fewer than ten your vote will not count.
2. Email your vote to toptenblogs@totalpolitics.com
3. Only vote once.
4. Only blogs based in the UK, run by UK residents are eligible or based on UK politics are eligible.
5. Anonymous votes left in the comments will not count. You must give a name
6. All votes must be received by midnight on 31 July 2009. Any votes received after that date will not count.

If you have your own blog, please do encourage your readers to take part. Last year, more than 80 blogs did so. We hope this year it will be far more than that. BUT, DO NOT list ten blogs you think your readers should vote for. Any duplicate voting of this nature will be disallowed. If you do not wish for your blog to be voted for please email katy.scholes@totalpolitics.com. You will see a list of the blogs who have chosen not to be included in the comments shortly.

There are many ways of measuring a blog's popularity. Wikio and Technorati have complicated logarithms which measure the importance of incoming links and traffic. Google Analytics does it by measuring how many people visit. But our poll gives blog readers the opportunity to vote for the ones they like and visit most often. It's not scientific. It's impossible to achieve 100% balance and we don't pretend it's perfect.

The results of the poll will be published in the forthcoming book the TOTAL POLITICS GUIDE TO POLITICAL BLOGGING IN THE UK which will be published in mid September in association with APCO Worldwide.

So, go to it. Email us your Top Ten Favourite Blogs

toptenblogs@totalpolitics.com

Chloe, already a legend!

2009-07-24T14:01:00.002+01:00

Chloe's a girl not to be sniffed at! There are no words to express the feat Chloe Smith pulled off today.

But TTG will say this. If she can achieve this now, on the first rung of her political ladder, think what the future has in store for this Norfolk girl!

NORFOLK NORTH RESULTS

CHLOE SMITH

...And to top it off, Gerrard has been cleared and is free to play in the season. Phew Dream Team still in tact, and an incredible Tory victory - a day and a half of joy for TTG.

Cap up our troubles, Cameron!

2009-07-23T16:45:00.007+01:00

At last! All has been forgiven Cameron!

This week, David managed to rile his Conservative fan TTG with his claim that Tone would make a wonderful President of Europe (pass the sick bag). His support of Turkey coming into the EU had previously riled TTG up something rotten as had his u-turn on the third runway (No, David, no!)

But Terrible Tory Girl is the forgiving kind, especially when at last the long awaited stance on immigration is unveiled and it pleases TTG indeed.

A cap is just what we wanted. Non-stop, non-filtered immigration is one step to destruction for mankind. You cannot simply have a free for all, open all hours border policy, especially when your country is the size of a pea, if that, on the world map.

With our people density hitting 50 million odd in England alone, while our country counterparts in the United Kingdom - who certainly aren't united on their pop. policy - prefer a respective 5 mil for bonnie ole Scotland a meagre 3 for the Wallian valleys, one realises enough is enough! Australia has 20 million - put it into perspective, doesn't it?

Should we send our land to slaughter, to be carved up and served up on a plate of housing blocks and tarmac? Our continental cousins en France nearly match in numbers of people yet their lands are yet to be scarred and littered, swamped with ghettos of terrace.

The environment plays an important new feature in the Tory adaptation and it is for this reason alone that gives need for a cap on immigration. To protect the rugged beauty, the bales, the hills, we have to curb incoming visits.

An office becomes cluttered when its in-tray is full to the brim, spilling out on to the desk and floor.

Alan Johnson's remark that he didn't lie at bed at night worrying about the UK population hitting 70 million should take a letter out of his own book and piss off back to his 5am post rounds.

But Cameron, a points system is not enough. It is time that the system applied to those among us who have nothing to offer this country. Any freeloaders or skill-less do not deserve a place in the UK. It's time our nation bucked its ideas up and offered the world a piece of them, a skill, an export.

Don't just hit would-be immigrants with the cap, let us extend it to each and every one of us.

Are you fit to call yourself a Briton?

Terror threat level from MPs at all time low

2009-07-21T08:30:00.009+01:00

BRITAIN'S terror threat level from MPs has been been dramatically cut to 'substantial', reports say today.

MPs, who have been responsible for the high levels of anxiety and worry over expense fiddling earlier this year and for highering taxes, have been banned from all public arenas for the next six weeks.

Already members of the public feel safe to walk the streets without members of parliament snatching their pension money or inheritance.

The twelve-week sentence which began this week, will leave MPs unable to come within 30 metres of an individual.

Any MP who breaches the terms will be examined and subject to treatment in a private clinic.

Lose weight the easy way with TFL

2009-07-14T21:39:00.006+01:00

LONDON calling, calling all Londoners, want to lose a few pounds without risky crash diets or getting off your feet?

Sounds too good to be true? Well not with TFL. Now, and for possible forever more, you can lose a few just by using TFL, part of our new 'no train, no gain' scheme.

Thanks to limited A/C in our Underground stations, you can lose a pound in an hour while you wait for the train.

No cardio workout necessary or gym kit necessary. Just pick up a seat, wait out for your train and feel the temperature rise. And what's more, because of signal failures and severe delays, we can offer you unlimited time in our saunas (platforms).

Our rooms reach temperatures of over 40 degrees celsuis so you're guaranteed to bust the bulge.

So what are you waiting for (apart from your train), top up your Oyster and work up a sweat.

Take advantage of this fabulous offer now for an unlimited time.

Please Mr postman, don't make us pay

2009-07-14T12:10:00.010+01:00

Please Mr Postman, TTG wants her DVDs. Be reasonable.

The Royal Mail is on strike, er, again, with the walk-out movement pipped to reach posties nationwide. So expect letters, bills and eviction notices to come some considerable time later than the usual month it takes.

To celebrate or bemoan yet another strike and terrible service we've come to expect from the Royal Mail, here's TTG's anthem and plea to our posties.

C'mon deliver the settlement, the sooner, the better

Brown's missus makes a veal out of it

2009-07-11T00:43:00.005+01:00

Turns out the G8 was not so gr8 for poor 'First Lady' Three Dresses Sarah Brown, who bemoaned on her Shitter account of the veal meal on offer while at the summit.

Woe is she! Baby cow meat may not appeal to Broon's bit of stuff but to refuse to eat the food put out before you by your Italian hosts is first, disrespectful and unlikely to put your husband in a glowing light. But to secondly broadcast your veal refusal boast and to share it with your 700 odd (odd indeed) fans, is impolite indeed.

Where are your table manners, you snooty middle class cow! And at an event where you are discussing of all things, foreign aid in poorer countries. Sarah, just in case you weren't listening at your summit (with all that blogging), there are nearly a billion malnourished people ... TTG is sure that the veal you refused three times could have been put to good use. Or at least fed some of the poor in this world, who unlike you, don't have a choice on what they can eat or on what slaughter method was used. If they don't eat, they die.

Think in future!

Unknown and insignificant assembly celebrates ten years of obscurity

2009-07-01T23:18:00.003+01:00

THE GOVERNMENT has been attacked after it was revealed millions of tax payers' cash is used to run a tin-pot assembly which sits for only two times a year.

.... Zzzzz Snore on that story later

Face it Hitchens, It's a dog Eton dog world

2009-06-28T04:16:00.011+01:00

Toff at the top ... Peter Hitchen's "Etonian nobodies"

Another day, another attack on the educated and Eton.

A school of pundits, members of the house and the public regularly take great joy in dissecting diligent men based solely on their educational establishment.

But why such Eton envy? Why TTG asks, is Eton so terrible?

Mail moaner Peter Hitchens wrote yesterday in his column for the midmarket just why David "daily-drone-leaving-the-cabinet-under-a-cloud-at-your-expense'" Davis should leave a party Hitchens believes is full of "Etonian nobodies". But why is a school which prides itself from producing the greats in Britain such as Hugh Laurie, George Orwell, David Cameron(!), come under such criticism?

Because it doesn't fail its student clientele! It doesn't leave its pupils unable to string a sentence together and it sure doesn't leave them without their 3Rs in tow. So why is it so demonised? We should be celebrating success, honour this independent school which has done what state education hasn't, and that is to teach, to nurture talent and to produce results and good ones at that!

Cameron has been scrutinised for his so called privileged and background of grandure as has Sir George Young (TTG's favourite for the Speaker job). Does money and a good school equal privileged then? Because for TTG and for many others, to have been born into a loving family is the highest privilege. Money can't buy you happiness and a good school surely can't either.

C'mon, which child appreciates schools? They'd rather be playing on their consoles or reading comics. They'd also far prefer the 4 grand cheque for each term cashed in to their accounts as pocket money than plugged into the pool for school.

Has anyone ever been to a boarding school and lived to tell the tale with a big grin on their face? TTG went once for 4 days in a boarding schools for Paris' girls and that was long enough. Kids, who are usually thrown into Eton-style education, are the ones whose parents have no time for them and put them in their for a lifestyle choice or because they have to work from dawn to dusk to pay the fees in the name of education. The children have no choice in this matter.

With that upbringing in mind, could you genuinely consider that life one of privilege?

Life is what you make of it. Cameron's analogy of building a house comes in handy here - first you put down your foundations and you build your life brick by brick. If you fancy a mansion, then you allocate space/time/effort for that etc.

To judge another based on their apparent richness is a mark of failure. Peter's Eton envy is the reaction of a jealous and puerile man who has failed to shape his life in the way he had hoped.

Remember what our Lord taught us, thou shalt not covet, St Peter.

There is no place for his derogative "Etonian" comments in society. The Etonians he seeks to belittle, deserve their success. Each has worked for his place and position.

TTG can only see one real benefit of Eton and similar schools - they provide the tools and traits to survive in a dog eat dog world. But at the end of the day, they're no better than a poorly run state school. When you're in the exam room, turning over your paper, you're the one writing. You were the one who revised and wished to excel. If you put your pen down and sit, stare blankly, neither of the schools can force you to start writing or to carve a career out for yourself.

Our shadow cabinet may not be full of glossy celebs or media personalities as you so wish but they are not nobodies, they are somebodies who have our country's best interests at heart and just want to get on with the job. They have the gravitas, the substance and the skills necessary.

Our party has always been an inclusive one where men and women from all walks of life have found themselves in a position of power, irrespective if they read Latin at a boarding school or if they came from a crumbling council estate. It's not what you're given in life that matters, it's what you do with your lot. The end not the means, Peter. The sooner you learn that, the sooner Terrible Tory Girl may take your opinions seriously.

And no, TTG didn't go to Eton ;-)

Gordon's been here two long ...

2009-06-26T23:50:00.005+01:00

...and instead of bemoaning the existence of that stagnant waste that has plagued the doors of number ten as the clock counts two years of the disastrous second successor of the social-experiment-gone-wrong, tin-pot party, TTG will turn her attention to something far more worthwhile. A day and occasion that deserves to have blog inches.

For today is the first Armed Forces Day. A day when we can think of the past, present and future squaddies, troops, soldiers, servicemen and women who have fought for our freedom and for the freedom of others.

Today raise your support. Donate to Help for Heroes, raise your flag and more importantly support our troops in their tough fights and ongoing strife.

http://www.armedforcesday.org.uk/

Terrible Tory Girl promises to celebrate their efforts in a different way altogether later ;)

What a Berc

2009-06-22T21:00:00.003+01:00

Yes, for the first time in over 17 years we have a Speaker, speaking from our side but,
Bercow, he's no Tory!

Let's examine the facts, shall we.

1) He has voluntarily worked for Brown

2) His missus - he doesn't even have a political beard, she openly admits she supports Labour. And with the amount of influence a woman can have on a man, this one is a cert.

3) That rumour back in 2007 .... potential move across the floor to a certain party TTG doesn't like all that much.

4) He supports the Gunners ... what self-respecting Tory supports a team like that? ;)

Let's face it, Bercow wasn't our top Tory choice but a way for the snivelling Labour louts to play a fast one and immaturely put a stopper on real democracy. Child's play really and very pathetic to pick a man for the top spot to oversee Commons proceedings based on a policy of pissing off the Opposition.

Well done Labour, good work there!

Songs of Praise is crucified by God for putting "evil" on the show

2009-06-21T10:47:00.009+01:00

SONGS OF PRAISE has come under fire from God for including evil in its programme.

The church show was inundated with angry sermons from God after He heard that the leader of the most 'evil government' was set to star as part of their latest drive to pull in punters.

Protestors last night joined the heavenly host to demonstrate at Downing Street against the attempt to give evil a human face.

One angry bible basher said: "It's bad enough the Home Secretary let him in, let alone let him have his own show. This is political correctness gone mad."

Praise producers fear that this latest commandment from God may be the final nail in the show's coffin in what experts are calling the 'Gordon Brown effect.'

Ratings for the show have been at all time low and this latest blow is set to crucify any hope of a comeback.

God was unavailable for comment yesterday.

Is Songs of Praise right to give evil a voice?

Have your say below.

A very public thanks for voting the right way

2009-06-05T13:01:00.004+01:00

Dear voters,

Thank you this day for crossing our box.
For giving us faith, courage and belief in our time of need.

You gave us your vote and delivered our country from evil,
strife, and set us on a path to recovery.

You forgave our sins and gave us a chance to lead
in Lincolnshire, Central Bedfordshire, Staffordshire,
and Essex. *

And with your blessing, we will work for you.

Keep us firm to our promises
that we have set before you

And let us lead together in the light,
in our fight for democracy, love and peace.

Thank you voters,
brothers and sisters

Amen.

*Add the rest of the Conservative council wins in the comments below

Stamp out that Brown stain on our politics

2009-06-05T10:05:00.011+01:00

Got a stain that just won't budge and want to get it out fast? Forget swamping it with extreme clean-up formulas. This new method will get rid of tough stains fast without any need of expensive and time-consuming election formulas.

Over time, continued use of propaganda substances can make the stain resistant and may end up with a weak effect.

But never fear, you can get rid of this stubborn stain by following these four easy steps:

1) Do nothing. Avoid inclusion of free radicals or persistent radicals as while they can kill bacteria, they can lead to permanent damage to the whole chamber.

2) Let the dirty laundry air. Gradually, the stain will break down and disintegrate before your very own eyes.

3) Expose the offending stain to the light and gently apply a touch of democracy. Don't rub it in, but instead put the stained item in hot water and leave it to soak.

4) Place all similar stubborn stains together in the same room. The contact with tougher stains will cause the process of attrition which will weather the stain down into a smaller and manageable size.

If the stain still stays, even after steps one to four, throw the stained item out of the house.

I'm voting Flor u, JP

2009-05-30T04:28:00.004+01:00

I'm dreaming of JP...Floru for Europe

Phwoar, Belgium's got Talent! He may be fourth on our candidature list but this high flying hot chocolate Belgique tops TTG's own. For his policies of course, not that this mild-mannered politico-lovely hailing from Belgium with a love affair with Britain, is fit or anything.

Ladies, he's worth a vote. His mind is as beautiful as him. So if you've got a vote to spare, why not spare a thought for this dreamy MEP-to-be and cross his box.

Vote JP Floru to break down bureaucracy and for a fitter EU guaranteed.

Find out just why he's fine for Europe by clicking here

The choice for Londoners has never been clearer - Vote Tory

2009-05-28T21:23:00.009+01:00

WOW ... well TTG is just gonna have to vote Labour after seeing THAT Euro leaflet.

A kitten could design a better leaflet than this trash that the postman lovingly threw back into my house. It's lazy, clumsy and alarmingly too similar to the one the BNP has settled for. Seriously, it's a matter of spot the difference. Pretty damaging indeed.

Besides, hijacking Jack is not cool. Considering Labour don't even entertain hanging the flag up high in the sky on our public buildings at all, it's a bit of a cheek to play the patriotic card. The BNP tried that and look where that's got them.

And then there's the content, including some child like instructions for voters on how to vote because obviously they don't know how to. Funny that, when at the last three elections, voters have managed to do the monkey of a task of crossing a box next to your slimeball names.

But here's a guide on how to vote, just in case you don't know. How very helpful

*Polling day is Thursday 4 June - it's a bit obvious when it's scrawled all over the leaflet, don't really need to point it out again

*Vote once (x) in one blank box - no shit Sherlock, do we put a thousand ticks instead? What do you take us for, idiots? Well the public did vote Blair in 3 consecutive times ... granted.
Place one cross in the box next to Labour

And their chosen slogan - 'winning the fight for Britain's future', well it puts the lie into libel. Which fight was this? Because they're not winning the poll wars, nor the public's respect, nor that of Parliaments, nor of their constituents and nor of the world.

So which fight then, eh, Labour?

But even Labour aren't sure... as just a para down, they say 'Labour is working to win the fight for Britain's future.'

The whole tone and style of the leaflet sums up the party, wasteful, crap, ineffective, confused and patronising.

The font varies in sizes and the leaflet is emblazoned in red, Lib Dem's choice colour and the Conservative's royal blue. Is that to represent the many parts of a party which has borrowed as much in policies as it has in cash?

And there's not a person in sight. Are you that ashamed of your connections to the party to not have your mugshot on the paper? Is chief and master Gordon Bruiser Brown such a turn-off that you worry that his inclusion may lose the voters? Even the bloody BNP have got Griffin on theirs, possibly the more despised and disliked out of the two dishonourable men.

Labour, your leaflet is embarassing and it's not fit to even enter Britain's letterboxes.

But TTG won't resort to ripping it up - the paper's too good for that. Instead, TTG plans to return to sender, and you can too, here

Ken Clark,
39 Victoria Street,
London.
SW1H OHA

To quote Labour's Euro disaster, the choice for Londoners has never been clearer,

vote Tory

Cameron, we're still free, take a chance on juniority

2009-05-25T09:43:00.009+01:00

Cameron has cracked open the candidates list to let non-Tories have a sip of political power.

But is it really such a good idea inviting extra-Conserves into the compound when the talent which our dear chief so desires, is sitting right at his feet?

Here TTG puts it straight: Cameron, we need yoof, not crusty ole upper crusties!

Our party for years has thrived down to the valiant efforts of activists, of the grassroots who have laboured for the Conservative cause, through wind, rain, snow and sleet.

Having doors slammed in their faces, to virile abuse and tearing up of leaflets, yet their hopes have not been torn and nor have they been defeated.

Parties have never appreciated enough the work these backboned principled youngsters have done for their respective organisations. TTG is lucky enough to know many of these in the Tories.

And it is for this alone that today, she calls for Cameron to not open the candidates list for outsiders, but for the young activists, who will breath life into our party.

We have mums represented, we have dads represented, we have ethnic minorities represented, we have the elderly (we have plenty of these ;) ), we have the disabled represented ... but the youth? Not a chance.

Cameron, we need young blood. And with you evidently having a problem with enough candidates, why not take a chance on a young one?

The perks of a young berk

*Enthusiasm - this is a quality lost by our older MPs
*Productivity
*Energy - when do you see MPs huffing and puffing up an estate to deliver leaflets?
*Innocence - No sex scandals to ensue, eh?
*Optimism
*Understanding of fellow yoof - policies that can really cater for their interests
*Loyalty
*A young perspective

The opening of the candidates' list would only suit to attracting celebs, or other ambitious middle-aged men and women and they do not have the party's best interests at heart. While we all need an overhaul of our internal politics, loyalty is a quality that cannot be bought or achieved by this. Young activists come with this already at the heart of their very being.

How can we cater for the young if we don't have any on board? 40 year old men, while young in politics, can't really enter a club to sort an issue for apparent noise pollution etc, or understand the needs of a young community if not on their level already?

They know what's hip, cool. They can aid with policies for underage sex/pregnancies/gangs and how to really get to the bottom of these issues better than some stuffy 50 year old in an office.

We always hear of excuses why the young can't possibly stand in a parliamentary seat. They've not lived their lives, they're single, they have no formidable career, they're too young etc.

But the very business of politics is not one which can be learnt on a degree or in 3years in marketing. It's a learn-on-the-job kind of work. There is no set of qualifications and no age boundary.

And they don't need £100k a year to know how to poke.

Cameron, we're still free, take a chance on juniority.

Here's one TTG made earlier, badly

2009-05-22T06:46:00.006+01:00

Horrific video evidence of TTG making a tit of herself on camera and Webcameron two years earlier has emerged.

NB: The following footage is not suitable for anyone with wit, taste and decency. Viewers are warned that the following is offensive to both eyes and ears.

Or alternatively click here

Soft Cell speak up about Michael Martin

2009-05-19T22:02:00.009+01:00

Phew. What a day. The House is in order as master Michael Martin speaks up and tells the world he is going to Glas-go and stand down as speaker.

A small cross-party motion of 20-odd cross MPs calling for the axe to wield on his head and for it to promptly roll from his speaker's chair across the Common floor seemed to be the last straw for Martin as he did the Honourable thing and had his last word.

Best thing since sliced bread. But did this Scotch egg of a speaker, the first to resign/get the push in over 300 years, know that 80s band Soft Cell wrote a little song for him back at the peak of their fame?

'Martin' is quite fitting for our disgraced don. ;-)

He's not speaking anymore, right guys? Roll on Frank Field or our resident minger, Menzies.

K to pay 800 grand for Hamza's bill?

2009-05-18T02:50:00.003+01:00

Cunt cleric Abu, the preacher who breaches messages of love and peace in Britain, is struggling to come up for the dough for his massive legal bill that he's run up.

The jail-hate Abu who finally got his rightful place in prison back in 2006, has had a shopping spree and spent a whopping £800k trying to fight a move to the US. Our cushty cells are to die for apparently.

But it seems we are going to have to pay for the privilege to keep the nutter behind bars as we are expected to once more fit the bill for the undeserved and fork it over as he can't seem to reach the bar needed.

Whether or not a back-hooker was taken, the fact remains that even now we are reaching out to help shits, the biggest scum as they come, who desire solely to fight against the right to be free from anger, hate and incitement.

We must seek and pull out these vicious roots. Taking the stem or leader of one association is not enough. Each person linked to such associations which call for culls of life based on belief or colour or creed should be jailed for life.

On this one occasion, justice was brought which is a very rare occurence in this days and times under Labour's Not-so-Great Britain. With hope, this man and others like him will ne'er see the light of day again nor step out into the UK streets.

If it's going to cost £800k to keep this creep firmly behind bars where he can not snuff out a generation with his words, then it's a price we must pay.

A heavy price for freedom, but freedom nonetheless.

It is probably the best money we have ever spent under Labour in any case...

Oh and P.S.

Gordon, darling, can we forward that election meeting to this autumn?

Are EU crazy? 7 reasons why you should stick to the Tories and not pick UKIP

2009-05-17T05:29:00.014+01:00

Why you should vote the Tories:

Dan Hannan

Need I say more? His finest hour shouting down Westminister's Chesire cat was a classic and one for the Record books. He's also a fine, formidable MEP for the South East. And he's pretty fit for the job.

We are the real deal, we don't need cross-party deals

Democracy is not a pawnstore where you can trade in votes for ones we think are more popular/useful. It is a serious business and one that should not be taken lightly. We don't deal in votes. That is not Conservative currency. Do we wish to enter into the murky LibLab political waters with their swap shop of votes and tactics? We neither need or wish to align ourselves with a party who hoped to "kill us off" in 2004. If political joke Robert Kilroy Silk can call the party a joke, then it says it all really.

In with the new

It's simply not cool to follow Tebbit. Our dear Lord and former right hand man of Maggie is simply not right on this issue. The last thing we should be doing is telling our own core support to er, not vote for us. Can you imagine if Tory leaners and voters followed his advice? Do we really want to risk an exodus of the vote by abstaining or swapping our votes? It's time to say ta ta to Tebbit, how ever much it pains TTG to say it.

Instead of looking back at past glories and our past great leading men and women in the party, we should be nurturing those we have now. Cameron, Osborne, Fox ... all doing a fantastic job yet instead we rely on our golden oldie movers. How can we progress if we don't look forward and don't train up our upcoming and new stars? Like in footy, stars can get too old, too tired for the game. Tebbit is one of these.

The Party changed for a reason and whether us tradtionals like it, we must in turn change our perspectives.

Top of our game

We are at 30 per cent for crying out loud. Why do we need to hang out with the new kids on the block, UKIP, when we have over 10 per cent lead over them? If we all suddenly turned around and handed our ballots to Nigel Farage, we could lose all our influence. Also has any of the politicos in the party considered the damage and blow to our credibility if revealed in public?
TORIES VOTE FOR UKIP IN EUROPE ... if we can't , as supporters, even vote for our own party, how can we expect others to cast their votes for us?

...And why you should NOT vote UKIP

So EU don't like the union, why are you there then UKIP?

Hypocrits ... let's get this right. UKIP don't like the EU and want us to get out of it. Okay, TTG's got that. But why are they so keen to get elected and go work and live in the EU? Ahem. Don't think they've thought this through. A lot of Tories aren't too keen with the union but we have realised that we're better with our foot in than out. For UKIP, there is no discussion.. it's final. They want out. Well go ahead, Nigel, get out. Perhaps concentrate on your ideal of an independent UK by offering policies for the people here while here.

Different place, same principles

You wouldn't change your voting habits would you if you moved from one end of the country to the other, would you? Why should the area matter? The principles of the Conservatives are the same across the world. The European Parliament

If you can't commit to the Conservative cause here, maybe, just maybe, the Tory party is not for you.

Big issue of lack of policies

Let's face it. UKIP is pretty much a one-issue party. Apparently, you know, they don't like ID cards either. But dismembering Britain's membership of the EU is their only claim to fame. What happens when the UKIP representant that you will have voted in, has to vote in an issue apart from identity cards, um, a very British and national concern? Their only other policy seems to be endorsing nuclear. They can talk the talk about Britain but what can they actually have to say in Europe. "We. er, don't like the EU?"

Comrades and countrymen, cross for the Conservatives and no other this June 4.

We wouldn't tip a bad waiter, so why do we reward MPs for not doing their jobs?

2009-05-12T01:26:00.009+01:00

There was a time when expenses covered your train fare and a cheap supermarket sandwich. And it's still the case for budding MPs and politicos who take up internships with our resident fat cats. While our MPs squander and POOL in as much as their OIL-y claws can grasp yet as according to rules, their younger, prettier counterparts who work for no salary can barely get precious pennies for their measly meals.

The expense system is a CROCK. A joke, a whole on our country's fine finances and one at the public's expense. We are told that MPs need second homes for their constituency and one in London for the very few visits they make per annum.

And us mugs, a fair, decent bunch, don't bat an eyelid as the claims spiral out of control, to fix a leaky pipe, for a sneaky Mars Bars, a few pieces of furniture here and there for each of their five stately homes, to tune a piano, to rid of a moat, to fix their garden, a supermarket sweep for a classy chandelier to show off to constituents, a glittery toilet, and even the taxes they impose on les miserables reels-the public.

TTG wonders, are the LIGHTS on and no one at home? How can our Parliamentarians really see lightbulbs or manure as a fair use of expenses? Can they not pay for these themselves? Are they so irresponsible with their £60k + dough salary that they can't even find 45p for a chocolate bar or 88p for a bath plug?

For while we strive to live, paying out of our own pocket for our bills, for our travel expenses, for our food, for our homes, we at the same time are paying for these irresponsible Kevin-like teenagers to sponge off us.

No better than a benefit fraudster, our MPs who claim to cut down on social scroungers, are merely just adding their own names to the list of those with whom need to be dealt. MPs have a duty to STAMP out waste and corruption. They should be the solution and not the problem. How on earth can we get resuscitate Britain if we can't first lodge out the deprivation and disease that's choking her?

Our country may be going down the TOILET with Gordon Brown and his BASKET case tweedle-dee/tweedle-dum chums at the helm, but there is no excuse for our representants to go for a free-for-all. We are not on our last legs yet!

Like a tip in a restaurant , why should we pay a service charge for a rude waitress/waiter who isn't doing their job properly, who is pissing in the food or turning up late either without the goods, or the food disappointedly cold?

We wouldn't tip a waiter like that so why do we reward MPs for ripping us off or for doing a pretty lousy job?

Enough is enough. We must cut the fat and waste of the parliament. We must hold them to account and let them know that we will not take this any longer. Each and every MP who has taken the piss with their claims MUST pay it back, apologise, step down if necessary.

The Conservatives can recover from this provided they take the steps to eradicate this gross misuse of our funds.

Remember, dear MPs, you're in the DOGHOUSE and don't make a single move out of place or we may just bear our teeth.

The Lord may giveth, but the public will taketh away!

On your marks, get jet, go David!

2009-05-03T02:16:00.009+01:00

Demoted Dave in-the-millions-band isn't flying high with the electorate right now if his transport means are anything to go by. The jetsetting blunderer Foreign Sec has been taking a back seat in politics but it's not the case when it comes to his travel arrangemenrts.

Despite their plans to ban private planes and Blair Force One mimics, it seems flighty Miliband just couldn't give up his plane basic rights. David's private plane to fly the flag for the UK costs a whopping £8k an hour and will be ready for lift-off 24/7 for the next two years.

But why possibly would he need one for the 365 days? Like the rest of his fellow MPs, their working year or quarter hardly lasts longer than a month. And Dave hardly puts the work in 'working for you'. Apparently he went on 20 state visits last year. Not a lot for his line of work.

Well TTG is sure he has gone back to school, now that the half term holiday is over.

Seems hardly worth hiring anything. He might as well, in this credit crunch climate, say what he has to say in the safety of his office. It's green too. Keeps to your little eco promise doesn't it?

And a two year contract? They're pretty optimistic aren't they? TTG can't see him nor his crock of a party lasting much longer.

Still, a trip to California on a budget plane might give him a chance to meet the people he's meant to represent and see how shoddy our services really are. Surely not, after all Labour MPs seem to be above their station and think they are are of much more self worth than the voters.

But despire all this, TTG would be happy to pay for him to buzz off abroad more often and hell, TTG would even pay and book a one-wayy ticket to Timbuktu if it gets rid of the useless swine once and for all.

Flu you gonna call? Not Labour!

2009-04-29T04:16:00.008+01:00

SHUT it Britain, unless you too want to succumb to the swine flu. The virus that has wiped out 150 people in Mexico is spreading fast across the world, with the UK the latest pitstop for the illness. So far, two Brits have been hit by the flu and now experts fear that 25 million could soon be on the list...

Don't worry. Britain's covered, remember. Labour promised to keep by masks and drugs when the latest craze was bird flu so we'll be fine. Panic over.

...But apparently that too, like the "green shoots of our economy", rights for Gurkhas and first home owner MPs, is just another figment of our imagination.

Like Labour's crime figure/immigration statistics, Alan Johnson's recent claim that "we can deal with it" and we are prepared, is unreliable.

The cupboard is bare. Thanks to the poor preparation for this pig flu pandemic, there aren't any masks, only some lousy drugs to take once we've contracted the bloody thing. Which is likely and will affect 4 out of ten Brits as our nation neglect to check out our migrants' health, let alone whether they have a right to be here.

So far from being prepped for an illness invasion, silly ole Blighty blights in the health department have left it til now to call up the EU and put in a order for 32 million masks.

Shame that Europe is all out.

If that's their idea of organisation, TTG hates to think what letting themselves go is.

Introducing ... Tory Barbie

2009-04-21T11:23:00.014+01:00

TORY BARBIE

To celebrate the success of the Tories in the polls (yet again), Mattel brings you Tory Barbie.

Tory barbie is a feisty, politically minded girl who loves the colour blue. Tory Barbie is passionate about her family, the Conservatives and likes hard graft. She likes making speeches, debating and making her foes cry. Unlike other Barbies, Tory Barbie isn't easily poseable - this Barbie is not for turning.

Comes with:

*Policies
*Principles
*Leaflets and blue rosettes - to help her on her campaign
*Case of champagne - to celebrate our by-election and seat gains

Not included

*Damian McBride
*Smear campaigns - sold separately with the Labour set of dolls

In development

* Cameron's new playhouse -Loveable Cameron moves into his new home, 10 Downing Street. Comes with an oak desk and doll Samantha

*10 Downing Street headed paper - to write letters to your friends and family

Your lifetime is guaranteed with one of these Tory totty beauties. Get your own real doll by joining CF or make a request to Terrible Tory Girl here.

Here goes McBride ... But who cares about his lies?

2009-04-12T22:04:00.017+01:00

Here goes McBride ... Labour by his side

NB: This blog is written in full assumption that you have read, heard and been swamped with detail over the latest Gate to put Labour at the forefront of the news for all the wrong reasons, the Derek Draper & McBride Ltd v emails debacle.

Here's a quickie to get you up to speed, if like TTG, you have spent your Holy Week buried under box on box of chocolate Easter eggs.

---> BROWN'S right hand man, hellish Dr Spin McBride got his marching orders after his poison pen emails of ways to top the Tories got leaked. The emails, which vowed to dig up the sex secrets of the rich and famous of the Conservatives, had been sent to Labour luvvy-cum-cunt Dirty Derek Draper, who had his finger in the pie of this smear campaign. The PM of course doesn't recall said emails.

At least we should commend Labour for sticking to their education, education, education policy, for they have brought themselves down to the level of school children with their playground politics.

And even with modern technology. Not quite Twitter level, but they're getting there. In touch with the people, Labour are, you know.

But why do we actually care?

Papers and political movers have been quick to recoil in horror but TTG couldn't care less. They are but mere words.

And words from Labour mean very little to her and to most in this country.

Who, hand on heart, of the British electorate would a) believe b) listen or c) care about these unfounded claims?

A little background colour makes a picture, doesn't it not? The claims against TTG's fave Tory, a certain curious George, get her heated in quite a different way...

And while bloggers and papers cry out in despair at the disgusting snide contributions from McBride and co., what they have done inadvertedly is do the dirty work for ole Derek and McBride.

They couldn't be happier. For now, the supposed skeletons are printed for all and sundry to see. Their smear campaign has been carried out by the very people who had hoped to suppress them. Are the readers of our papers known for reading between the lines or questioning the "facts" put out in front of them?

Now they are left believing that maybe one of our high fliers has an STD, that there might be truth of a cross-dressing, coke snorting member in our ranks etc...

Our best policy is to simply not bat an eyelid at this pent-up, tin pot pathetic little party.

Since its very foundations, little vampire Labour has lived off us. They have tried to drain us of our support, our ideas, the electorate, our policies, our pride and our integrity. But like their vampire counterparts, they are dead. And dead to Britain.

If bullying, intimidation, and smears are all that Labour has to offer, then we might as well put the last grains of dirt on their coffin.

Once, twice, three times a loophole

2009-04-05T03:09:00.010+01:00

Broon cloon, Geoff Hoon's, defences were down today after it was revealed the ex Ministry man claimed not one, not two but three homes.

Following in Two Homes Secretary Jacqui Smith's footsteps, the ex Minister was revealed as living in the wonderful grace and favour Admiralty flat, built in 1786, featuring three stories of yellow brick of orginal design, with local views of the London Eye and Horse Guards Parade and featuring Winston Churchill as a former resident. For a limited time only, snap up this flat by joining the Defence.

Hoon's second home, just a stone's throw away, is currently up for let only by landlord Hoon. Buyers must be wary that changing circumstances such as Geoff's "going upstream without a paddle", i.e getting caught out tinkering the system, may result in you losing your home.

Finally, Hoon's third "known" home is set in the beautiful Nottinghamshire, a mere three hours by road to his two other properties. Hoon uses this as his home from a home from a home during the summer break from the Commons. This home will strike up a lot of competition for its price, lack of wear and tear, and barely lived in appearance. £50k has been kindly donated by the public to keep the house maintained and running when Hoon isn't there.

Buyers are asked to join the Labour Party membership to take advantage of this week's offers.

Geoff Hoon, however, may be too busy dealing with critics, to answer your call.

In an official statement, Geoff Hoon said, while humming popular Lionel Richie song, Three Times A Lady:

'Thanks for the homes

That you've given me

And legally I need not resign

And now that I've come

To the end of my MP dough

There's something

I must say out proud.

I once, twice,

three times a loophole.

Yes I am once twice,

Three times a loophole

And I love to

claim out on whatever

The moments I cherish

With every pound that you part

To touch your, to hold your (cash)

To steal your, to need your (cash)

There's nothing to keep us apart,

I'm once twice

Three times a loophole

And I love to

I love to.'

Mothercare changes name after dads row

2009-03-29T15:13:00.022+01:00

BABY chain Mothercare plans to change its name to Parentcare after concerns that it excludes single dads.

The retailer, which was set up forty years ago, caved in to political pressure after hundreds of fathers complained they offered no help to dads.

The Single Males Association, or SMA for short, who were behind the landmark move, said members felt embarassed to buy maternity goods.

In an open letter on their website, Chairman of SMA Steve Creer said:

" Ten per cent of single parents are men yet you wouldn't know this if you walked into the Mothercare store. The store was set up by woman, and provides solely for women. Breast pads, panty liners and muscle relaxants are displayed in garish pink packaging or women on the label.

"Men are an integral part of the pregnancy process and more provision should be made in this day and age, to give fathers an equal footing."

Parentcare, who aim to display the new storename across all shops by the end of this year, plan to set up a paternity range for sympathy symptoms and a clothing line suitable for fathers on the go.

Creer added: "We at Single Males Association welcome the move by Parentcare,and hope that this is the beginning of the end of social exclusion."

A survey in 2001 found a quarter of single fathers were forced to quit their jobs after employers refused them paternity leave.

But last night, the store was accused of bowing down to pressure.

"This is political correctness gone mad", said mum of two, Kelly Marley. "Men can't have it both ways. Women have a natural bond with babies and besides they're the ones carrying them. Blokes don't have a clue of the pressure on mums. Grow a pair, men."

Natalie Gimber, from Ramsgate, Kent said: " My boyfriend had no problem buying nappies and cream. I think it's a bit over the top."

Parentcare were not available for comment.

Wacky Races to Lisbon

2009-03-25T23:18:00.016Z

And now here they are in Brussels. (2007) The most daredevil group of 27 states competing to pass the ratification finish line.

They're off! The states, filled up with votes, make an impressive start.

And away they go on the wayout Wacky Races from Brussels to Lisbon. Each state vying to take home their concessions to the Lisbon Treaty.

Up front in the wacky races today is Hungary. Slovenia creeps shortly after with Malta and Romania.

Not far behind, France, Bulgaria, Austria and Slovakia take their cars up past the voting stage.

On their tail, state cars Portugal, Denmark and Latvia turn on their engines. Germany's surplus six tank follows at a deadly pace.

And up last are Dick Barroso and his sleazy money squeasy sidekick Gordon in the European Machine.

And even now they're up to some dirty trick (2008) They've switched the treaty direction and led them up the Constitution path!

Oh no. They're blocked, there's no way out now.

But what's this. Germany and Poland miss the shortcut and are taking the long way round.

Dick Barroso: "Drat and double drat, I'll have to force them down."

Gordon: "S-hee s-hee s-hee s-hee"

And here are the wacky racers. Number 1 Hungary is still in the lead. Dick Barroso and his sidekick Gordon trail behind.

But what's this? Ireland have blocked the path ahead with their bouldermobile. The Irish are really driving the message down to Brown with this one.

But is it enough to block the gruesome twosome's path?

Meanwhile further behind the Czechs are in trouble. Uh-oh. The Czech driver is pulled out of the race! Prime driver Topolanek is out of the running. What will the Czech mates do now?

Will Dick Barroso and Gordon reach the Treaty finishing line?

Stayed tuned for more Wacky Races. Only in Europe.

P.S To see Gordon's trademark snigger, watch our right hand man Dan Hannan in the Tory Terrific puncture him in his Tuesday speech!

Do something funny for money ... be a Labour PM

2009-03-14T00:03:00.008Z

D'oh it was that time again when Gordy gets out the public purse, takes out the last measel of metal and hands it over with an IOU of £2million to charitee. Of course not a single penny comes out of his sporan for the cause.

This year, the BBC apparently paid its money worth with such comic classics as c-list celebs huffing and puffing up a mountain, Beastender's Bianca causing a Riiicccckkk--us on the awful Apprentice and sketches by has-beens controversial-instead-of-comical twosome Lucas and Walliams. TTG is sad she had to excuse herself from the television set.

The theme was do something funny for money and Gordy pulled out the stops to follow it to a T. So much so, the funnyman has been doing it for over 11 years.

* He's done a funny job as Chancellor
* The economy's a rib tickling joke right now
* Britain's education record under Labour is laughable

Well done Gordon, Terrible Tory Girl thanks you for your fine efforts.

You are the country's number one joke. You do something funny for money everyday.

Aren't we lucky, eh?

The Digi Revolution is here ... take up your mouses, masses, and seize Twitter

2009-03-06T09:42:00.012Z

THE DIGITAL Revolution of the Labourskis is nigh. Workers, put down your scythes, pick up your mouses and join us, comrades, to take back the net from the Burzhui bankers and Conservative capitalists who stole it from neath our seats.
We must reclaim and reclaim cyberspace as ours.
We must seize facebook and Twitter and push our agenda to the digital masses. We cannot stand back longer and watch the educated take what rightfully belongs to the people. Our Director of Digital Engagement will lead the revolution but we need you to follow in total blindness and carry our message online. Great rewards will be in your grasp once the central communication controls of the nationals have been snatched. Our mission is costly. You must sow £120k for our director and invest your time and soul into the Revolutionary movement. Information technology will belong to us. Our comrades, Jacqui Smith, Phil Woolas, Gordon Brown and Harriet Harman have invaded the internet already. Follow their lead and take the spirit of the digi revolution into all that you do, brothers and sisters.

https://twitter.com/AlistairDarling

https://twitter.com/PhilWoolas

https://twitter.com/RHGordonBrown

https://twitter.com/lordmandelson

https://twitter.com/JacquiSmithMP

https://twitter.com/HarrietHarmanMP

Mills & Broon: The Shortcoming of Gordon

2009-03-03T19:30:00.013Z

Mills and Broons are proud to present their latest range of political erotica. To celebrate the release of the range, here is an excerpt of their most popular to date, 'The Shortcoming of Gordon'.

_____________________________________________________________________

Chapter 1: Gordon

....

Obama had stripped bare. He rid his House of the flags and podiums, preferring to meet his older guest draped in nothing but his inauguration suit.

No formality was necessary to meet the man to whom he felt close.

He trusted this silver haired, silver tongued Scot. He yearned to have him by his side more often - he had a way with his fiscal figures.

Obama rubbed down his crisp shirt as he went to welcome his guest, his hands moistened as he clasped Gordon's rough palm. He remembered sadly that the two would not be alone for long but he was determined to put the short time together to good practical use.

Gordon could hardly contain his excitment as he greeted and embraced the dashing Barack. He smiled that he would be the first to come and explore his international partnership with the American.

Obama had only slotted Gordon in for an hour but an hour was enough for Gordon to truly make their relationship special. He was keen to show this dapper toned young president all that he learnt in the boardroom.

Obama leant against the doorpost as he fumbled with the door knob and twisted it gently, urging Gordon to enter. The stout statesman walked briskly through with Obama close behind, his arm resting on his waist.

Gordon stopped at the desk and turned around to face Barack. "Hello, my friend", he said with his words dripping with sincerity.

He ran his fingers through Obama's drawers, admiring his handiwork. "Your banking policies please me. I'm glad Britain has your attention and can count on your support."

Gordon reached in further and took hold of the key to Obama and his special relationship and held it firm in his hand .....

Additional words by the guys at the FT

Gordy's one year older, none the wiser

2009-02-20T02:34:00.010Z

Gordon is in his prime, as he turns the big 58 today. Determined that he shall spend it in style (and stop spending the nation's dosh for at least a day) Terrible Tory Girl has prepared a special e-celebration of Britain's infamous leader.

Will you join TTG in a singing round of 'for he's a jolly bad fellow?'

For he's a jolly bad fellow, for he's a jolly bad fellow
For he's a jolly bad fellow, and so say all of us
And so say all of us, and so say all of us
For he's a jolly bad fellow, for he's a jolly bad fellow
For he's a jolly bad fellow, and so say all of us

TTG has a special gift for the birthday boy that may just help our self-imposed leader. A gift he desperately desires and one he has never seen in his 58 long years.

Put it to good use, won't ya?